im a blog slacker... or something like that. anyway, my point is this is my 100th post... hahaha. ive had this blog for almost a year and yet ive only posted a hundred today. shame shame.
being the shmuck that i am, i wanted to have a 'special' post to celebrate my 100th... i wanted it to be interesting enough for you guys to actually read it. hahaha. i thought of something but last minute i realized ang corny pala.. so im ditching that idea.
so this is it. my 100th post.
yipee. whooptidoo! shimemry shimmery, shine shine.
haha.
Wednesday, March 29
Monday, March 20
i forgot to put a title!
short list of things to do but the preparation needed for those things is a different story in itself. last friday i woke up thinking it will be an ordinary day at the office. boy, was i in for a surprise. march 17, 2006 was such an eventful day, that id would wantto note down as much of it as i remember.
(all times are approximations)
9am - i handle 2 brands (4 products), service one client and report to one boss.. all in one country
1030am - i now have 2 brands (4 products), service one client, handling 2 countries, now reporting to 2 bosses
430pm - all are the same except i lost my client
530pm - same brands, servicing 2 clients, with 2 bosses, plus physically reporting to 2 offices
im at a point in my life where if i play my cards right, i just might get more than a foot in the door of something ive wanted to try. im nervous.. and excited. and i know im pressuring myself more than i should. but im determined to give this my best. minsan lang ito maaaring mangyari sa akin.
----------------
busy. busy. busy. in a good way.
i still have my tamad days but its a good kind of busy. at least i know may substance yung pinagkaka-abalahan ko.
----------------
Uncontrollable eating!
i keep munching for all sorts of reasons... to stay awake, to think better, to.. wala lang! how am i going to manage my transformation with all this inending nibbling!!!
(all times are approximations)
9am - i handle 2 brands (4 products), service one client and report to one boss.. all in one country
1030am - i now have 2 brands (4 products), service one client, handling 2 countries, now reporting to 2 bosses
430pm - all are the same except i lost my client
530pm - same brands, servicing 2 clients, with 2 bosses, plus physically reporting to 2 offices
im at a point in my life where if i play my cards right, i just might get more than a foot in the door of something ive wanted to try. im nervous.. and excited. and i know im pressuring myself more than i should. but im determined to give this my best. minsan lang ito maaaring mangyari sa akin.
things are moving and i hope i can manage to come out of it in a better circumstance. :)
-----------------
three years.
ive been wishing na mahuli sya sa mga hocus pocus nya, na umalis na sya, or maka-alis na ako. now its happened --- i never thought this day would come. on one (small) side, i feel bad for him... because its a vicious cycle for him and if things go the way i think they are going, then he's in for some big problems. on the other side, im happy for the freedom i now have. its time for me to grow in a better direction.
-----------------
three years.
ive been wishing na mahuli sya sa mga hocus pocus nya, na umalis na sya, or maka-alis na ako. now its happened --- i never thought this day would come. on one (small) side, i feel bad for him... because its a vicious cycle for him and if things go the way i think they are going, then he's in for some big problems. on the other side, im happy for the freedom i now have. its time for me to grow in a better direction.
----------------
busy. busy. busy. in a good way.
i still have my tamad days but its a good kind of busy. at least i know may substance yung pinagkaka-abalahan ko.
----------------
Uncontrollable eating!
i keep munching for all sorts of reasons... to stay awake, to think better, to.. wala lang! how am i going to manage my transformation with all this inending nibbling!!!
Friday, March 17
photos
curly locks
what happens when AEs are left with little to do? KIKAY SESSION! haha.
yesterday was a rare day. one, julette was at the office AND was not stuck typing away at her computer. two, all the girls of accounts had curly hair. haha.
ive always wanted to see what i would look like with curly hair. now i know! :)
not baaaaad... me and my scrunched up nose when i smile... haaay.
what happens when AEs are left with little to do? KIKAY SESSION! haha.
yesterday was a rare day. one, julette was at the office AND was not stuck typing away at her computer. two, all the girls of accounts had curly hair. haha.
ive always wanted to see what i would look like with curly hair. now i know! :)
not baaaaad... me and my scrunched up nose when i smile... haaay.
merengue!
ive wanted to buy these shoes since nike launched its nike women campaign (the first one with the dancing girls).. i remember i was in cebu for a month last year and everytime i was in ayala, id look at these. NOW THEY'RE ON SALE! yun nga lang im not supposed to spend unnecessarily... so i gues ill have to wait...
Tuesday, March 14
gym gym gym
trying to get back to the habit of going to the gym. im not really sure if i ever had the habit, but bottomline, i want to try and be more responsible in going to the gym.
im used to working out with a group since back in college i have my teamates to work out with. we never really used our gym privilege and basically exercised together in between runs. so working out alone is really a bummer for me. i would most likely not go to the gym if i know ill be alone. haha.
but anyway, habits can still change. :p
lookign forward to Nike Rockstar Workout later... promise to work up a sweat!
im used to working out with a group since back in college i have my teamates to work out with. we never really used our gym privilege and basically exercised together in between runs. so working out alone is really a bummer for me. i would most likely not go to the gym if i know ill be alone. haha.
but anyway, habits can still change. :p
lookign forward to Nike Rockstar Workout later... promise to work up a sweat!
make me feel useful
bakit feeling ko lagi na lang ako last to know? and im not given chances to be of use? palagi na lang 'if you only knew'... buti pa ibang tao, nauna pa maka-alam..
well, ill have to respect your decision. those are your secrets and problems and its up to you what you want to share with whom. i guess thats the most i can do as your friend... take every opportunity that you give me to be a friend to you. but i will not deny it to myself that it hurts and frustrates me. feeling ko conditional friendship. na there are things na off limits for me. ops, hanggang djan ka lang. alanganin. ang feeling ko helpless and useless ako. na feeling ko lagi ako naka-abang for every spare opportunity to be able to be your friend.
honestly, these are the things that are hardest for me to understand. i pray to God that you let me be the friend for you that i want to be. let me be 'of use' to you. maybe this way, i am... pero feeling ko im kept at bay.
i hope you dont get to read this because i really would not want to add to your problems. im just putting my thoughs and feelings into words so hopefully its easier for me to move on from here. the last thing i want to do is give up.
well, ill have to respect your decision. those are your secrets and problems and its up to you what you want to share with whom. i guess thats the most i can do as your friend... take every opportunity that you give me to be a friend to you. but i will not deny it to myself that it hurts and frustrates me. feeling ko conditional friendship. na there are things na off limits for me. ops, hanggang djan ka lang. alanganin. ang feeling ko helpless and useless ako. na feeling ko lagi ako naka-abang for every spare opportunity to be able to be your friend.
honestly, these are the things that are hardest for me to understand. i pray to God that you let me be the friend for you that i want to be. let me be 'of use' to you. maybe this way, i am... pero feeling ko im kept at bay.
i hope you dont get to read this because i really would not want to add to your problems. im just putting my thoughs and feelings into words so hopefully its easier for me to move on from here. the last thing i want to do is give up.
Monday, March 13
my 'true color'
Angel, your true color is Orange!
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.
What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle
Friday, March 10
true blue atenean
got this off Lee's blog... mini-walk down ADMU memory lane. id forgotten how happy college was!
(X) eat at Manang's --- liempo is the best. i used to get 3 cups of rice with 2 orders fo the liempo. yum. pork chop is great too!
(X) learn the alma mater -- of course... ive had to sing it countless times!
( ) get on the dean's list --- missed it by .04
( ) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk
(X) be a TNT (Talks 'n' Tours sa ORSEM)! --- TNTs rock!!!!
(X) jog around the campus in the evening --- for training..
(X) visit the art gallery --- maybe a total of 3 times only
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher
( ) itch from higad bites --- i kinda feel bad i didnt get higad... haha. considering doghouse pa tambayan ko! teka, di naman nangangagat ang higad ah!
(X) have gotten an F in something --- Ma19! bwahahaha. me and calculus dont mix.
(X) have taken a crap in school --- really dont remember, but knowing me, i probabyl have... SEC yan or library!
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game --- watched almost all the games when in was in college! haha. talk about die hard. lee is correct.. its teh most exciting and stressfull thing!
(X) give a powerpoint presentation --- towards the graduating years...
(X) study in the caf upstairs --- just because its aircon, there's TV, and for a time bottomless drinks!
(X) watch a T.A play --- for class... not bad. alfred vargas was all i could remember. joke.
(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars --- yep... nakaka-senti talaga.
(X) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford -- ken affort sisig, full house chicken kiev, and martha's stroganoff on pasta with iced tea (default meal after training!!!)
(X) sleep in the lib --- once or twice lang. the rare times im asleep at school its either at the doghouse or before training.
(X) visit Mr. San Andres --- not because i was in trouble, i forgot why lang..
(X) go to the chapel --- of course!!!!
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie --- mostly during freshman year...
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers --- best 'D' from Fr Dacanay.. then there's Bobby Guevarra and Astoria... astiiiig. i got so many of them pala. not bad!
( ) go to CERSA night
(X) have tried siomai rice --- cheap meal but super sarap. i think ill go get one soon. :p
( ) learn how to smoke --- i learned highschool
(X) fall in love --- hahahaha. okay, fine.. i did.
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib --- i know i read a couple...
(X) play cards during your free time -- bridge with the doggies! 4 no trump! marunong pa kaya ako?
(X) dress in business attire
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight -- a few times.. comes with being a crammer
(?) have gotten side comments from ASSOC --- maybe... i really wouldnt know
(X) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes -- i took at least one (LM11 Obli Con ata.) i dont think i ever enjoyed it.
(X) go to your immersion --- Tuy, Batangas... sugarcane farmers. Purfirio and Juana the worms!
(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches -- pang alis umay sa siomai rice or pag tamad pumuntang manangs... ham and cheese or BLT
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend --- sorry... it wasnt meant to be
(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
(X) watch "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class -- and "Toro!" i forgot which class that was...
(X) do a last minute paper (like 2 hours before it's due) --- every sem it happens
(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers' seat plans) --- i really dont get why they cant return these after!
( ) get exempted from final exams -- i dont think i did... except PE.. but thats cause i was varsity.
(X) attend a college mass
(X) promise to quit smoking --- all the time!
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -- anong klaseng trip yan?! ive beent here ONCE. only for class
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus --- SEC, CTC, Library and Moro Lorenzo!!!
(X) join an org
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate) --- isnt that what school is for?
(X) take summer classes --- always did... part ng curriculum e!
(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (and if you're lucky, you might just see a vision of Mama Mary or so they say!) --- never saw her though.
(X) make a video for a project --- Lawrz and Angel the porn stars!!! hahaha.
( ) have a crush on a teacher --- i dont remember...
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat --- wouldve wanted to.. actually, i still would want to!
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes --- everyday. hahaha. joke.
(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones --- out of desperation
(X) participate in school activities
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts --- of course!
(X) date an Atenean --- wouldnt really consider it dating.. pero sige na rin.
(X) ride a tricycle on campus --all the time
(X) find a tambayan -- doghouse!!
( ) admire the marikina valley at night
(X) go drinking along Katipunan -- all the time. practically lived there for 4 years... naabutan ko pa yung The Strip.
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade --- just to get my dean's list... which i didnt get pa rin.
(X) use your cuts wisely -- saved all my cuts for UAAP games!
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg -- but i still managed to get good classes for those that i couldnt get sa early varsity reg
(X) admire the trees on campus --- can i bring home Bel Field?
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class --- hehe.
(X) eat in the ISO canteen --- sisig is good too
(X) be active in your org --- mostly for BBB
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it --- there's no telling who is in which class! plus i always end up getting the olats ones so i can attend practice and the games. okay lang.. andun naman crush ko sa games e. :p
(X) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(X) learn how to cram (and still get As) --- learn how to cram, yes. get As... not all the time
(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere --- walang kamatayan!
(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes --- just to supplement mine
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session --- ay, never
(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge
(X) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa
(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus
(X) develop a love for sisig
(X) learn how to pronounce AEGIS properly
(X) have used typing rooms at the library --- crammers
(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
(X) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
( ) have used consultation hours properly
(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
(X) visit the Guidance Office --- for INTAC
(X) and Infirmary
(X) eat at Manang's --- liempo is the best. i used to get 3 cups of rice with 2 orders fo the liempo. yum. pork chop is great too!
(X) learn the alma mater -- of course... ive had to sing it countless times!
( ) get on the dean's list --- missed it by .04
( ) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk
(X) be a TNT (Talks 'n' Tours sa ORSEM)! --- TNTs rock!!!!
(X) jog around the campus in the evening --- for training..
(X) visit the art gallery --- maybe a total of 3 times only
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher
( ) itch from higad bites --- i kinda feel bad i didnt get higad... haha. considering doghouse pa tambayan ko! teka, di naman nangangagat ang higad ah!
(X) have gotten an F in something --- Ma19! bwahahaha. me and calculus dont mix.
(X) have taken a crap in school --- really dont remember, but knowing me, i probabyl have... SEC yan or library!
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game --- watched almost all the games when in was in college! haha. talk about die hard. lee is correct.. its teh most exciting and stressfull thing!
(X) give a powerpoint presentation --- towards the graduating years...
(X) study in the caf upstairs --- just because its aircon, there's TV, and for a time bottomless drinks!
(X) watch a T.A play --- for class... not bad. alfred vargas was all i could remember. joke.
(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars --- yep... nakaka-senti talaga.
(X) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford -- ken affort sisig, full house chicken kiev, and martha's stroganoff on pasta with iced tea (default meal after training!!!)
(X) sleep in the lib --- once or twice lang. the rare times im asleep at school its either at the doghouse or before training.
(X) visit Mr. San Andres --- not because i was in trouble, i forgot why lang..
(X) go to the chapel --- of course!!!!
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie --- mostly during freshman year...
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers --- best 'D' from Fr Dacanay.. then there's Bobby Guevarra and Astoria... astiiiig. i got so many of them pala. not bad!
( ) go to CERSA night
(X) have tried siomai rice --- cheap meal but super sarap. i think ill go get one soon. :p
( ) learn how to smoke --- i learned highschool
(X) fall in love --- hahahaha. okay, fine.. i did.
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib --- i know i read a couple...
(X) play cards during your free time -- bridge with the doggies! 4 no trump! marunong pa kaya ako?
(X) dress in business attire
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight -- a few times.. comes with being a crammer
(?) have gotten side comments from ASSOC --- maybe... i really wouldnt know
(X) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes -- i took at least one (LM11 Obli Con ata.) i dont think i ever enjoyed it.
(X) go to your immersion --- Tuy, Batangas... sugarcane farmers. Purfirio and Juana the worms!
(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches -- pang alis umay sa siomai rice or pag tamad pumuntang manangs... ham and cheese or BLT
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend --- sorry... it wasnt meant to be
(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
(X) watch "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class -- and "Toro!" i forgot which class that was...
(X) do a last minute paper (like 2 hours before it's due) --- every sem it happens
(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers' seat plans) --- i really dont get why they cant return these after!
( ) get exempted from final exams -- i dont think i did... except PE.. but thats cause i was varsity.
(X) attend a college mass
(X) promise to quit smoking --- all the time!
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -- anong klaseng trip yan?! ive beent here ONCE. only for class
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus --- SEC, CTC, Library and Moro Lorenzo!!!
(X) join an org
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate) --- isnt that what school is for?
(X) take summer classes --- always did... part ng curriculum e!
(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (and if you're lucky, you might just see a vision of Mama Mary or so they say!) --- never saw her though.
(X) make a video for a project --- Lawrz and Angel the porn stars!!! hahaha.
( ) have a crush on a teacher --- i dont remember...
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat --- wouldve wanted to.. actually, i still would want to!
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes --- everyday. hahaha. joke.
(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones --- out of desperation
(X) participate in school activities
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts --- of course!
(X) date an Atenean --- wouldnt really consider it dating.. pero sige na rin.
(X) ride a tricycle on campus --all the time
(X) find a tambayan -- doghouse!!
( ) admire the marikina valley at night
(X) go drinking along Katipunan -- all the time. practically lived there for 4 years... naabutan ko pa yung The Strip.
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade --- just to get my dean's list... which i didnt get pa rin.
(X) use your cuts wisely -- saved all my cuts for UAAP games!
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg -- but i still managed to get good classes for those that i couldnt get sa early varsity reg
(X) admire the trees on campus --- can i bring home Bel Field?
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class --- hehe.
(X) eat in the ISO canteen --- sisig is good too
(X) be active in your org --- mostly for BBB
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it --- there's no telling who is in which class! plus i always end up getting the olats ones so i can attend practice and the games. okay lang.. andun naman crush ko sa games e. :p
(X) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(X) learn how to cram (and still get As) --- learn how to cram, yes. get As... not all the time
(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere --- walang kamatayan!
(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes --- just to supplement mine
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session --- ay, never
(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge
(X) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa
(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus
(X) develop a love for sisig
(X) learn how to pronounce AEGIS properly
(X) have used typing rooms at the library --- crammers
(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
(X) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
( ) have used consultation hours properly
(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
(X) visit the Guidance Office --- for INTAC
(X) and Infirmary
Monday, March 6
parada ng mga manang
(written sometime during the weekend)
today i honestly got scared id end up an old maid, and live with other old maid friends.
i know i usually joke about being single, or complain about it, but deep inside i was still okay with it. but today, as a friend left with her boyfriend, and some others with their respective husbands, i felt real fear. it was as if i was given a sneak preview of how it feels to be past thirty and single (still). but im not giving up. i will brush this aside and go on keeping myself busy.
today i honestly got scared id end up an old maid, and live with other old maid friends.
i know i usually joke about being single, or complain about it, but deep inside i was still okay with it. but today, as a friend left with her boyfriend, and some others with their respective husbands, i felt real fear. it was as if i was given a sneak preview of how it feels to be past thirty and single (still). but im not giving up. i will brush this aside and go on keeping myself busy.
Friday, March 3
mega nega
i get pissed easily these days. i hate it. i hope its just hormones. i know its up to me to not let it be that way, but sometimes you just cant help what you feel. thats just the way it is. and its not always good to deny nor keep it to yourself. although in my case, that might be the best idea at this point.
im mega nega. well, mostly when im at the office... once im out, im much better.
im mega nega. well, mostly when im at the office... once im out, im much better.
breaking up is hard to do
sabi nila, mas madali daw makipag-break pag may kapalit na. una-unahan lang yan.
minsan kasi hindi ka na talaga masaya sa kung nasaan ka at kung ano yung mga nangyayari sa iyo.
minsan hindi mo na rin makita sarili mo sa kinabukasan na tutunguhan nung kalagayan mo ngayon.
minsan malungkot ka lang at nararamdaman mong may mas higit pang para sa yo.
para sa akin. ang mahalaga yung bumubuti ka. lahat ng pagdadaaanan mo, dapat masasabing mong bubuti ako.
pano naman kung pare-pareho na lang ang mga nangyayari araw araw?
pano naman kung wala ka nang magawa kung di umangal nga umangal kasi sawa ka na?
pano naman kung ang mga nakukuha mo sa araw-araw e yung mga bagay na nakakasira sa mga paninindigan mo?
sa tingin ko, hindi pagiging makasarili ang isipin mo kung saan mo gusto pumunta ang buhay mo.
makinig ka sa sarili mo... isipin mo rin ang sarili mo... gumalaw ka para sa sarili mo.
minsan kasi hindi ka na talaga masaya sa kung nasaan ka at kung ano yung mga nangyayari sa iyo.
minsan hindi mo na rin makita sarili mo sa kinabukasan na tutunguhan nung kalagayan mo ngayon.
minsan malungkot ka lang at nararamdaman mong may mas higit pang para sa yo.
para sa akin. ang mahalaga yung bumubuti ka. lahat ng pagdadaaanan mo, dapat masasabing mong bubuti ako.
pano naman kung pare-pareho na lang ang mga nangyayari araw araw?
pano naman kung wala ka nang magawa kung di umangal nga umangal kasi sawa ka na?
pano naman kung ang mga nakukuha mo sa araw-araw e yung mga bagay na nakakasira sa mga paninindigan mo?
sa tingin ko, hindi pagiging makasarili ang isipin mo kung saan mo gusto pumunta ang buhay mo.
makinig ka sa sarili mo... isipin mo rin ang sarili mo... gumalaw ka para sa sarili mo.
Thursday, March 2
feeling numb again
weird things going on lately. i havent been getting decent sleep the past three days... i sleep past midnight and have been waking up every hour after that. but when its time to wake up, im out cold like a hybernating bear. no, its not the PBB 24/7 channel that we recently got. i think it might have something to do with some unwanted feelings and thoughts ive been fighting off. they're there but i cant explain why or where they came from. so... I deadma.
i think ive been doing a good job... i havent told a single person about them and that should speak for itself! for those who know me well enough, im a talker. and for me to will myself to keep quiet is rare.
so anyway, im back to the feeling of numbness that i think ive written about already in the past. basta, if you ask me right now... as in RIGHT NOW... im not happy. (but im not sad either... haha.)
enough vague babbling...
i think ive been doing a good job... i havent told a single person about them and that should speak for itself! for those who know me well enough, im a talker. and for me to will myself to keep quiet is rare.
so anyway, im back to the feeling of numbness that i think ive written about already in the past. basta, if you ask me right now... as in RIGHT NOW... im not happy. (but im not sad either... haha.)
enough vague babbling...
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