i sent a random thought to a friend... and i didnt expect to get this reply: go do what you do best.
whoa. good point. the thing is... WHAT IS IT THAT I DO BEST ANYWAY?!
Saturday, March 31
Friday, March 23
im thankful again...
big load off my shoulders... im so thankful to God things happened they way they did. actually id be more thankul if it didnt happen at all.. but these things happen for a reason.
the worst thing for me to deal with was the disillusion. im not naive. i know these things happen... and several families all over the world have gone through, are going through, and will go through a similar predicament. but one would NEVER think or expect it would happen to them. i never thought it would happen to MY family. but it did. and i was broken by it.
at least now, i can really go and continue mending that part of myself. start to forgive and forget... slowly i understand. for this blessing, i am thankful. i hope this makes you both stronger... makes all of us stronger. i hope this opens doors for things to go back to the happier days. after all, in the end we only have each other.
the worst thing for me to deal with was the disillusion. im not naive. i know these things happen... and several families all over the world have gone through, are going through, and will go through a similar predicament. but one would NEVER think or expect it would happen to them. i never thought it would happen to MY family. but it did. and i was broken by it.
at least now, i can really go and continue mending that part of myself. start to forgive and forget... slowly i understand. for this blessing, i am thankful. i hope this makes you both stronger... makes all of us stronger. i hope this opens doors for things to go back to the happier days. after all, in the end we only have each other.
Monday, March 19
few people get me
i think i can name just 3 people who i know REALLY get me. like they can finish my sentences and get what i want to say even if i cant construct a decent sentence to express myself. not just that, they GET me... no judgements, they just get me... like i make sense to them. scary, aint it?
and im ever so blessed and thankful to have them. case in point... was chatting with pearl, and i was suprised at how accurate she can be about me:
"you can be so closed about your emotions sometimes... like you dont want to open up.
You are an open person and all that but there are times when you set up walls or seem indifferent about things that actually mean a lot to you.
Like you are careful.... you are more than meets the eye so i do not push when you do not want to talk or say things and i figure you will say or show how you feel when you feel comfortable or want to get it out..
i think it is bec you feel so bad and you cannot control it after... like a huge melon stuck in your throat. or you trying to stand up when there is river that tries to wash you down."
i love it. thank you pearl. you hit the spot.
you know me too well. hahaha. sabagay 25 years of friendship does that. :p
and im ever so blessed and thankful to have them. case in point... was chatting with pearl, and i was suprised at how accurate she can be about me:
"you can be so closed about your emotions sometimes... like you dont want to open up.
You are an open person and all that but there are times when you set up walls or seem indifferent about things that actually mean a lot to you.
Like you are careful.... you are more than meets the eye so i do not push when you do not want to talk or say things and i figure you will say or show how you feel when you feel comfortable or want to get it out..
i think it is bec you feel so bad and you cannot control it after... like a huge melon stuck in your throat. or you trying to stand up when there is river that tries to wash you down."
i love it. thank you pearl. you hit the spot.
you know me too well. hahaha. sabagay 25 years of friendship does that. :p
because i said so
i was supposed to have a working saturday... deliver flowers to greenhills, meeting at abs, then head home. somehow, isa-isang nawala yung gagawin ko. the clincher is, i ran out of official things to do, i was in makati na. hahaha.
i was supposed to watch this baduy movie alone... dont ask why. good thing i ran into lily (literally) and we ended up watching 'because i said so'.
good movie... tried not to me extra emotional about it... it was hard since something semi-major happened to my family around lunch. but anyway! i liked the movie.
id watch it again.. maybe with my mom this time.
i was supposed to watch this baduy movie alone... dont ask why. good thing i ran into lily (literally) and we ended up watching 'because i said so'.
good movie... tried not to me extra emotional about it... it was hard since something semi-major happened to my family around lunch. but anyway! i liked the movie.
id watch it again.. maybe with my mom this time.
beer and poker
friday was a fast one... we had our thanksgiving mass at 4pm then a shocking staff meeting after (i still dont know what to feel after the announcements)... but we soon drowned our concerns in beer and lechon cebu.
it was one of those times that beer didnt taste like anything.. it tasted like water actually. i knew id end up drinking more than my usual (which still isnt a lot on normal standards). so i had a couple of beers at the office. it was the usual gasso party.. fun, fun, fun. happy kris got to stay for a while.
at around 9pm, i headed to skyland to meet up with some other friends. i though i was just going to watch them play poker and then head home by midnight... but no. they had other plans. hahahaha! long story short, i got a crash course on poker. half the time i didnt know what i was doing (given i had already a good amount of alcohol in my system.. my standards). but i had fun.
ended up going home at 3am. thanks for the ride and the great conversation... :)
it was one of those times that beer didnt taste like anything.. it tasted like water actually. i knew id end up drinking more than my usual (which still isnt a lot on normal standards). so i had a couple of beers at the office. it was the usual gasso party.. fun, fun, fun. happy kris got to stay for a while.
at around 9pm, i headed to skyland to meet up with some other friends. i though i was just going to watch them play poker and then head home by midnight... but no. they had other plans. hahahaha! long story short, i got a crash course on poker. half the time i didnt know what i was doing (given i had already a good amount of alcohol in my system.. my standards). but i had fun.
ended up going home at 3am. thanks for the ride and the great conversation... :)
Friday, March 9
major recap
MAJOR RECAP!!! havent been able to write since SOOOOOO many things have been happening. (im still a bit overwhelmed.. hahaha)
most are good and happy things... but i must warn you the last item just oozes with anger.. i cant help it. f***ing asshole.
feb 22 - advil pitch
happy this went well... and even happier we got the account! whoopeeeee!
feb 24 - pearl
i remember pearl was supposed to come home fo her dad's 60th but i got caught up with stuff going on. so hearing her voice on the phone got me a bit disoriented. haha. i thought she was callign long distance from denmark... then i realized she was calling from her house across the street! so like i used to do years and years ago, i got out of bed and went straight to her house. hahahaha.
happy pearl is home, but sad that tito bo had to pass away today. i guess it should be seen as a blessing that he didnt have to suffer long. tito was the first of papa's barkada to pass away. although my only memories of him were of when i was around 9 and we'd go to hundred islands with them, i will miss him. via con dios tito bo!
feb to mar 10
spent days with pearl.. to make up for the 2 years of not seeing her. the last time she was here, we barely got to spend time together. so we were pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks. just like old times.
ATC with pearl's college friends... johnny, joey, katkat, migs, marie, ermel, and baby hagia
central and havana ktv with the d. tuazon boys...
la luz!!!!
feeling a bid sad she has to leave so soon! but ill see her again and i know we'll have as much fun again. :) i still have tonight to stay up and take thousands of photos with her. hahaha.
feb 28
gave myself the chance to try something new. and it went surprisingly well.. kahit na napigtas sandal ko as i was about to sit down. hahaha! thank God ms J and i have the same shoe size. great conversation... great to be exposed to a different group of people... and i wasnt conscious at all about being jologs or less intelligent! hahaha. will have to beg off poker night tonight... maybe next week. :)
mar 1
things have generally been great for me. but now comes the anger part.
you asshole. its sufficient to say im STILL mad at you. more because napahiya ako and my pride is badly bruised. this is EXACTLY why i dislike opening up to people who show intentions other than being just friends. because it makes me vulnerable. and i was stupid enough to give you a chance... to trust you... and give you the benefit of the doubt. even if my closest friends told me more than once that you were bad news... you're a player...
this is why my pride is hurt real bad. because I let this happen. and you took advantage. what were you thinking?! how can you go to your weekly religious meetings and spend the rest of the week taking advantage of people. HYPOCRITE!!! argh! im still really angry.
you insensitive asshole. how can you have dinner with my family and do what you do? the nerve talaga. i pray you dont get karma for the things you do. because if you do, i will not think twice about laughing. i hope you never meet the girl who will break your heart like you've broken so many girls' hearts.
------
i move on.
one of the many things i realize from all of this, the world keeps on turning... regardless if im happy, sad, angry, or lonely... the world will not stop for me. i may feel like sh*t, but i just have to keep going... to keep swimming... :D
most are good and happy things... but i must warn you the last item just oozes with anger.. i cant help it. f***ing asshole.
feb 22 - advil pitch
happy this went well... and even happier we got the account! whoopeeeee!
feb 24 - pearl
i remember pearl was supposed to come home fo her dad's 60th but i got caught up with stuff going on. so hearing her voice on the phone got me a bit disoriented. haha. i thought she was callign long distance from denmark... then i realized she was calling from her house across the street! so like i used to do years and years ago, i got out of bed and went straight to her house. hahahaha.
happy pearl is home, but sad that tito bo had to pass away today. i guess it should be seen as a blessing that he didnt have to suffer long. tito was the first of papa's barkada to pass away. although my only memories of him were of when i was around 9 and we'd go to hundred islands with them, i will miss him. via con dios tito bo!
feb to mar 10
spent days with pearl.. to make up for the 2 years of not seeing her. the last time she was here, we barely got to spend time together. so we were pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks. just like old times.
ATC with pearl's college friends... johnny, joey, katkat, migs, marie, ermel, and baby hagia
central and havana ktv with the d. tuazon boys...
la luz!!!!
feeling a bid sad she has to leave so soon! but ill see her again and i know we'll have as much fun again. :) i still have tonight to stay up and take thousands of photos with her. hahaha.
feb 28
gave myself the chance to try something new. and it went surprisingly well.. kahit na napigtas sandal ko as i was about to sit down. hahaha! thank God ms J and i have the same shoe size. great conversation... great to be exposed to a different group of people... and i wasnt conscious at all about being jologs or less intelligent! hahaha. will have to beg off poker night tonight... maybe next week. :)
mar 1
things have generally been great for me. but now comes the anger part.
you asshole. its sufficient to say im STILL mad at you. more because napahiya ako and my pride is badly bruised. this is EXACTLY why i dislike opening up to people who show intentions other than being just friends. because it makes me vulnerable. and i was stupid enough to give you a chance... to trust you... and give you the benefit of the doubt. even if my closest friends told me more than once that you were bad news... you're a player...
this is why my pride is hurt real bad. because I let this happen. and you took advantage. what were you thinking?! how can you go to your weekly religious meetings and spend the rest of the week taking advantage of people. HYPOCRITE!!! argh! im still really angry.
you insensitive asshole. how can you have dinner with my family and do what you do? the nerve talaga. i pray you dont get karma for the things you do. because if you do, i will not think twice about laughing. i hope you never meet the girl who will break your heart like you've broken so many girls' hearts.
------
i move on.
one of the many things i realize from all of this, the world keeps on turning... regardless if im happy, sad, angry, or lonely... the world will not stop for me. i may feel like sh*t, but i just have to keep going... to keep swimming... :D
Thursday, March 1
agit agit agit...
a lot of things to update... but not now. i just need to unload a bit (as always)...
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do i? i think i do. and im a bit concerned. thats not a good position to be in. not with all the unaswered questions. but ill have to cope with where i am... maybe its the lack of sleep of something. but i just cant get you out of my head... and its driving me insane. how do i work this situation?! HOW?!?!?!
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i appreciate you 'listening'.. i notice the change... i dont regret speaking up about being uncomfortable about some things. and its stupid of me to be looking for it now!!!!! girl cant make up her mind? or maybe we just dont see eye to eye about some things and you didnt get what i was saying. who knows what going on in there... share naman...
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everyone says i should be careful... i have just about had it with tip toe-ing around and playing safe. this is why i hate mind games. i just cant play.
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do i? i think i do. and im a bit concerned. thats not a good position to be in. not with all the unaswered questions. but ill have to cope with where i am... maybe its the lack of sleep of something. but i just cant get you out of my head... and its driving me insane. how do i work this situation?! HOW?!?!?!
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i appreciate you 'listening'.. i notice the change... i dont regret speaking up about being uncomfortable about some things. and its stupid of me to be looking for it now!!!!! girl cant make up her mind? or maybe we just dont see eye to eye about some things and you didnt get what i was saying. who knows what going on in there... share naman...
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everyone says i should be careful... i have just about had it with tip toe-ing around and playing safe. this is why i hate mind games. i just cant play.
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