Tuesday, July 25
Monday, July 24
come visit my shores again
whenever you want to be just you
i will welcome you
with tender waves and blue skies
find your way back to me
you will know which roads to take
i will send gentle winds to guide you
until your return
i will wait
the water may wash away our castle in the sand
i will never be the same again
even in your absence, you will always be here
'wag ka sana mag-sawa
baka bukas di ka na magtanong
'di naman sa itinataboy kita
'di lang talaga ako pwede sa oras na iyon
'wag kang mag-alala, kaibigan
kung ano man ang ikinakatakot mo
malamang ay kabaligtaran ng katotohanang
laman ng puso at isip ko
kaunti pa sanang pasensya
di kasi ako sanay magsalita
kaya siguro iba ako magpakita
ng unawa at pagpapahalaga
baka bukas di ka na magtanong
'di naman sa itinataboy kita
'di lang talaga ako pwede sa oras na iyon
'wag kang mag-alala, kaibigan
kung ano man ang ikinakatakot mo
malamang ay kabaligtaran ng katotohanang
laman ng puso at isip ko
kaunti pa sanang pasensya
di kasi ako sanay magsalita
kaya siguro iba ako magpakita
ng unawa at pagpapahalaga
Wednesday, July 19
Saturday, July 15
growing up, growing old and other random stuff
my mom was confined overnight for check up last week. it was quite unexpected but she was feeling sluggish that morning and good she decided to go see her doctor. they decided to keep her for some tests to rule out 'silent heart attack'. anyway, my point is... it was a major reality check for me and my siblings on my mom's mortality. i think we all just figured she'd live a long life like lola. so last week's thing was a clear reminder.
its funny how in times of trouble, you really see the dynamics of our family.
1. tat, my eldest sister, has always been the calm-always-in-control sister. ever reliable.
2. my brother... well, ill have to give it to him cause at least he tries to exert himsef... will hope he keeps trying until he hits it right.
3. the twins are interesting... they always have been... cause they're so opposite. ria wasnt as openly active and involved mainly because her odd hours at work... but i knew she was involved somehow... good thing i had mom's phone with me the whole time. my hunch was correct. she may not be there physically taking charge, but she texts my mom... askinghow she is... makes her laugh... an important contribution. (and now mom is home, ria has hed wisdom teeth taken out... so she keeps her company and drives for her so she doesnt get too bored at home.. sweet... silently sweet.)
4. rina.. more complicated than i am... (haha. imagine that!). last friday, i realized she DOES care about the family... she just doesnt know how. and although she is most detached among us kids ad she's most vocal about her frustrations, its nice to know she still cares.
5. miah. always dependable, but also consistently stuck at work. we stayed overnight with my mom so she's not alone... miah is as reliable as tat... only may sablay factor si miah minsan. haha. i love my sister.
gosh. i TOTALLY forgot about papa. kasi naman, true enough he barely did anything. i sigh everytime i think of all our frustrations that involve him. and thats ll im going to say... FOR NOW.
i actually surprised myself when i ended up being sort of in-charge. it might be because of the AE training i have at work. hahaha. but im pretty happy to find out im fairly responsible comapred to my siblings. i always thought i was the spoied and tamad one in the family because im bunso. haha. growing up reveals a lot about yourself... :)
my mom naman... i think she's having retirement blues... nothing seems to please her... and everything pisses her off. which then causes her to become agitated and the rest follow.. high blood pressure, mahihilo, and masstress... again, im reminded my mom is growing old... and its really time to for me to double time to finish 'growing up'.
----------
im not very good at hiding my emotions or keeping them always in control. a lot of people have told me that im too emotional... im pa-girl.. im weird.. im praning.. melodramatic.. and i admit there is probably more truth to that than id want. so i try and keep my emotions in control. try not to let it get the better of me. try and re-direct my energies into more productive things. its worked most of the time, but lately i think the more i try and ignore them, the more berserk i get. i the long run, all the repression catches up and i just blow up. its good though that often it happens when im home and all the practice in keeping tabs on them helps me just sleep it off.
on the other hand, im not sure if im able to explain them well either. the times when i just really need to let it out, whenever i try to talk about them, people dont get it... and feeling ko people just dont get me. i mean, im happy there are those who accept me... quirks, emotions and all, but im not too sure they REALLY understand me. i say something in an attempt to express myself and more often than not, its taken the wrong way. maybe its because im a heart-girl surrounded by head-people... which might explain somehow why there's a jump somewhere.
hay. i dont know. last night i was thinking maybe its time to let go of this big secret ive been keeping. maybe its what is weighing me down... sinisingil nako for all this time that ive "ignored" it and refused to acknowledge it to the people involved. maybe its time to lay my cards on the table. its a big risk and ive been scared of it. but i know eventually ill have to face it someday.
such a jumpy post. haha. i guess it aptly reflects whats going on in my noggin. :p
may the right opportunities come... and may i be able to tke advantage of each a everyone of them.
----------
with all these 'concerns' that i carry around with me even subconsciously, no wonder im 'trippy'... i get triggered by the smallest and oddest things. oh well, these are the things i have to go through. im sure everyone else has their fair share of baggage.
its funny how in times of trouble, you really see the dynamics of our family.
1. tat, my eldest sister, has always been the calm-always-in-control sister. ever reliable.
2. my brother... well, ill have to give it to him cause at least he tries to exert himsef... will hope he keeps trying until he hits it right.
3. the twins are interesting... they always have been... cause they're so opposite. ria wasnt as openly active and involved mainly because her odd hours at work... but i knew she was involved somehow... good thing i had mom's phone with me the whole time. my hunch was correct. she may not be there physically taking charge, but she texts my mom... askinghow she is... makes her laugh... an important contribution. (and now mom is home, ria has hed wisdom teeth taken out... so she keeps her company and drives for her so she doesnt get too bored at home.. sweet... silently sweet.)
4. rina.. more complicated than i am... (haha. imagine that!). last friday, i realized she DOES care about the family... she just doesnt know how. and although she is most detached among us kids ad she's most vocal about her frustrations, its nice to know she still cares.
5. miah. always dependable, but also consistently stuck at work. we stayed overnight with my mom so she's not alone... miah is as reliable as tat... only may sablay factor si miah minsan. haha. i love my sister.
gosh. i TOTALLY forgot about papa. kasi naman, true enough he barely did anything. i sigh everytime i think of all our frustrations that involve him. and thats ll im going to say... FOR NOW.
i actually surprised myself when i ended up being sort of in-charge. it might be because of the AE training i have at work. hahaha. but im pretty happy to find out im fairly responsible comapred to my siblings. i always thought i was the spoied and tamad one in the family because im bunso. haha. growing up reveals a lot about yourself... :)
my mom naman... i think she's having retirement blues... nothing seems to please her... and everything pisses her off. which then causes her to become agitated and the rest follow.. high blood pressure, mahihilo, and masstress... again, im reminded my mom is growing old... and its really time to for me to double time to finish 'growing up'.
----------
im not very good at hiding my emotions or keeping them always in control. a lot of people have told me that im too emotional... im pa-girl.. im weird.. im praning.. melodramatic.. and i admit there is probably more truth to that than id want. so i try and keep my emotions in control. try not to let it get the better of me. try and re-direct my energies into more productive things. its worked most of the time, but lately i think the more i try and ignore them, the more berserk i get. i the long run, all the repression catches up and i just blow up. its good though that often it happens when im home and all the practice in keeping tabs on them helps me just sleep it off.
on the other hand, im not sure if im able to explain them well either. the times when i just really need to let it out, whenever i try to talk about them, people dont get it... and feeling ko people just dont get me. i mean, im happy there are those who accept me... quirks, emotions and all, but im not too sure they REALLY understand me. i say something in an attempt to express myself and more often than not, its taken the wrong way. maybe its because im a heart-girl surrounded by head-people... which might explain somehow why there's a jump somewhere.
hay. i dont know. last night i was thinking maybe its time to let go of this big secret ive been keeping. maybe its what is weighing me down... sinisingil nako for all this time that ive "ignored" it and refused to acknowledge it to the people involved. maybe its time to lay my cards on the table. its a big risk and ive been scared of it. but i know eventually ill have to face it someday.
such a jumpy post. haha. i guess it aptly reflects whats going on in my noggin. :p
may the right opportunities come... and may i be able to tke advantage of each a everyone of them.
----------
with all these 'concerns' that i carry around with me even subconsciously, no wonder im 'trippy'... i get triggered by the smallest and oddest things. oh well, these are the things i have to go through. im sure everyone else has their fair share of baggage.
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