masochistic tendencies

im happy. im still going to complain about work every so often, but i can honestly say im happy. not ecstatic happy. just happy. sige na, ill go on to the why.

i think now i feel more 'in power' (ironic no, given my occupation)... and that make me happy. dati kasi ang bilis ko ma-depress kasi feeling ko palagi ako ipit and nalulugi sa trabaho ko. yun lang talaga nature nung job ko. and that really was a burden for me. ako pa. i like bossing people around. hahaha.

now, although the requirements of the job are the same, if not more demanding, im armed with experience to be able to handle it better. hindi na ako as affected by work. in hind sight, ang freakazoid ko for being that emotional about work. hello. its just work. you can be passionate about it, but still maintain a healthy distance from it. lalo na in my profession. ang dali-dali for one's ego to take a beating. lagi na lang kasalanan mo. and this still happens, pero i dont go home feeling too bad and too stupid.

kahit na my job isnt the best one id like to have, looking at where i am and how i got here, okay na rin... dami kong natutunan, and natututunan pa... dami nang opportunities to show what im capable of.

konting disclaimer lang. im not in love with my job. my friends think i devote my entire life to it (actually halos ganun na nga.. but im working on changing that), but i still keep my eye out for better opportunities. and if meron, why not di ba? i just want to make sure i do good in what i do. and more often than not, whatever free time i have, id rahter spend it resting. kasi lantayutat na talaga ako minsan. hahaha. pa-ikot ikot na ako... parang 'i like my job, i dont like my job...'.

ganun talaga. i like it but i dont too. its a cycle. sometimes im busy, sometimes im not. pinahihirapan ko sarili ko no? hahaha.

mom's retirement

yesterday was mom's first day as an official 'retiree'... she was set to have dinner with some people at work for her despedida... and i imagined myself walking in with a huge bouquet of flowers and giving them to my teary-eyed mom.

recently there have been arguments left and right about the retirement (which she didnt want in the first place), and i just wanted to stop and take time to thank mom for providing for all of us all these years.. she deserves to enjoy her youth and her life now. i 'convinced' my family to pledge money so i could buy her flowers...

i actually got to collect 3K from everyone... i was excited! sabi ko, matutuwa si mommy kasi i dont remember the last time we gave her flowers. and 3K should get me really nice flowers!

but my plans didnt go exactly as i imagined them... i was right about 3K getting me really nice flowers.... ang dumating, pwede nang i-centerpiece sa hotel! so needless to say, i could not glamorously walk in to the restaurant, flowers in hand, and give them to my mom in from of all her officemates for them to see how much we appreciate all that she's done... heck, i couldnt walk out of my office decently! we fit in the car somehow.. the flowers took up a lot of space, but when mom saw them, whe had a huge smile on her face... that was good enough. mission accomplished.

when we got home, nag-pictorial pa kame with the flowers... she loves them that much, we HAD to have our pictures taken with it.

here are some photos...

thanks mom... we love you. :)

seasons greetings

happy birthday mel.

i hope you find courage to say things you need to say to the people who will appreciate hearing them.

i hope you will find the success in whatever you set your mind and heart to.

i hope you continue to be the beautiful person that you are.

you are happy today kasi people give back to you what you generously give to us.

happy birthday mel!

end chapter

ive always had a working mom, and ive always had mixed feelings about it.

my mom would have to go to the province a lot when i was really young. i remember mom bringing home stuffed toys from legaspi and big sampaloc balls from binan as pasalubong. i still have some of those toys with me... smockey my old stuffed dog, strawberry the hot pink stuffed toy with rainbow palms and soles... and i still crave for theose huge sampaloc balls.

as a preschooler, she stopped going to the provinces. so i get to send her off to work every morning with my famous spiel: 'mommy! you have meeting? call you later! come home early! bring home surprise!'. everyday id do that up until gradeschool when i'd leave earlier kasi pasig pa punta ko.

i think i only started to mind that mom works nung gradeschool na ako... when mother-daughter dialogues were a big deal, and mom almost never came because of work... my report cards were always claimed by sisters... pag called off ang classes ng gradeschool (highschool hindi), id have to wait for my sisters to be dismissed before i could go home.. so ganun din! i didnt see the point of her working, coz other moms didnt have to. but i was proud of my mom.. my mom, the banker... i used to tell my friends na my mom gets assigned to the branches that weren't doing so well para more people would deposit their money there.

i guess i got used to it after a while. i never gave it much thought up until recently.

its my mom's last day at work today. tomorrow, she wont have to wake up early and worry about what to wear. she wont have to think about how to get to and from work. she'll stay home starting tomorrow.

on one hand thats a good thing... she'll be able to attend to the things she's been putting off... like her album from her europe trip years ago... her new house... and other stuff. on the other hand, she's been for as long as i remember! sanay yun na 'boss' sya... i anticipate madalas nanaman ang away sa house.. its no one's fault we all like doing things OUR way.

haha. gumising ako kanina worried at what tomorrow will be like for the family. sabi ko, shet angel, matanda ka na talaga.this retirement thing has been a constant topic of discussion at home... we all know the implications and considerations of this development... but now its here!!!! bukas simula na ng bagong chapter sa buhay ng pamilya ko.

aligaga ako. and this post is a clear indication of it. haha. ang labo labo nung sinulat ko. patalon-talon.

things like this i guess i just have to embrace. no point in fighting it. things will fall into place. HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY.

here's to you mom... thanks for always taking care of us. of being the provider for the family. time for you to rest and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. kami naman mag-alaga sayo. :)

when you're hungry

no, please dont sing "cindy's is the place to be..."

i was just about to say... when you're hungry ang hirap talaga mag-isip. im really in the mood to write today.. pero i cant swing a decent thought.

although it seems na hindi lang ata ako ang gutom.. ang gulo kausap ng mga tao sa accounts! hahaha. hindi nag-mamatch mga sinasabi namin. haha.

nasaan na ba yang chowking na yan? TOM JONES NA KAMI!

whirlwind weekend and lucid dreaming?

what a weekend... actually, more like what a sunday.

i spent my saturday with family to celebrate my sister miah's birthday.. had gluttonous amounts of food... but had loads of fun with my nephews. (sevi can sort of walk na... proud ninang... )

sunday was a hectic day. we were part of the taped episode of ASAP Mania and lets just say, buti na lang kaya pa ng powers ko. hahaha. iba talaga demands ng trabaho ko. you can never be totally prepared. hahaha. thank God i have my support groups --- they're really well, supportive! hahaha.

around 10pm, i was more than ready to call it a day, and rest. we saw a LOT of artistas yesterday... what with the Star Magic catalogue fashion show as one of the segments, i was left staring at the stage and just looking... hahaha. na-star struck ata ako. at least i know it takes a whole bunch of them to 'strike' me... haha. parang lahat sila ang ganda.. siguro its the make up and the lights and the whole mumbo-jumbo.. hahaha. (i love Pokwang.. she's so funny)...

some thoughts on the stars i got to see:

Gary V - this man iba talaga stage presence. i know he's kinda old na for what he's doing, but he's still great to me. iba talaga dating nya. he's older but still as attractive (no, im not into older men.)

Martin N - naka-tira ata lolo nyo kagabi. ubod ng kulit at daldal. hey, he's a seasoned talk show host! haha. but he was pretty funny some times... kawawa rin naman.. doing ASAP twice on a sunday.... why not? haha.

Piolo P - he is indeed papa-ble. maamo mukha... looks like the quiet type.

Bernard P - HOTNESS. i couldnt understand why i thought he was hot yesterday... haha. he was just... HOT. hahaha. i guess its the 'mysterious' guy effect.

Carlos A - wag na lang. hahahaha. isama mo na rin brother nya. hahaha. meanie me.

Eric S - im sorry abe, i know you might never get to read this, but he really does remind me of you... you guys dont look alike pag pinagtabi faces nyo, pero mehn... ikaw talaga naaalala ko. hahaha.

Claudine B - radiant woman... maganda sya in person.. sabi nga ni joan, kalimutan mo na lang muna buhay nya, okay na sya. hahaha.

Camille and John P - funny how they keep these two a 'package'... hello, magkapatid po sila. incest yun. haha. camille is super pretty na now. last time i saw her, 2 years ago pa. she keeps getting prettier! haha. john naman.... what can i say? mahal ko na ba? hahahaha. ang jologs ko talaga.

ay nako ang dame dame dame pa... that fashion show really was a treat... all those stars... haha. (we didnt wait for aga anymore kasi it was getting late and we were all tired and hungry... maybe next time. :P)

needless to say, i was barely awake when i got home... haha. straight to bed. wala na ata ako kinausap pagdating ko. hahaha.

weird thing happened pahabol to my day... hindi ko alam kung dala ng pagod or whatever, but i was awake while i was dreaming.. i mean to say i couldnt tell when the dream ended and when i was awake and conscious. super bothered ako.. one of those dreams na when you wake up, you still have the exact feelings you did in your dream? except this is extra freaky kasi its about this guy i always dream about... with matching 'unifying theme'. i saw him pa this morning! ay, siomay gulay talaga! i had to remind myself.. its just a dream, its just a dream, ITS JUST A DREAM! ayaw na talaga... ang weird kasi nung feeling.

so now, halo ng bangag from the pagod from yesterday and that freaky dream, para akong zombie. lulutang lutang ulo ko. sana lang i can go home early and sana drop by the spa first.

there's a bitch in all of us

some people dont know when to stop talking. sometimes im one of these people. but today, parang everyone's like this.

maybe its hormones... or maybe its fatigue that makes me snap easily. tatahimik na lang ako. baka may masabi lang akong i-reregret ko.

di naman siguro considered pikon ang mainis once in a while di ba? i mean if you are bombarded with hirits left and right, im entitled to get pissed too di ba?

hay nako. now im left to feel very few people understand me... very few people get what my facial expressions mean... but im not self pity-ing. okay lang. mainit ulo ko, pero im not depressed. pissed lang.

o well. tomorrow is a new day. ill be bubbly again tomorrow. this is a momentary thing. and i just need to rant a bit enough lang so i can get up, and walk away.

why do i even bother caring?

pinoy showbiz

i dont know if anyone will remember but ive mentioned in my earlier posts that ive secretly wanted to be in showbiz... parang recently, ayaw ko na ata. haha. buti na lang hindi ako ganun ka-kagandahan at walang pumipit sa akin mag-showbiz. hahaha. kapal.

ive had the opportunity to work with some showbiz people for work... varying degrees of stardom... and ang dami ko talagang na-realize...

1. ms. jill yulo - member, star circle batch 11, commercial model, part of Qpids final 4 loveteams (with the dashing mr. alwyn uytingco), eldest daughter of mr. larry and mrs. jinky yulo.

when we were casting for our lead girl for a tvc early this year, i really had someone else in mind for the lead. but i guess you can call it fate, we ended up with jill. the shoot was pretty much okay. apart for the search for the 'universal guwapo' insisted by client, there was really not much problems with the talents. jill was quiet then. she really looked like a regular talent to all of us.

months after the project was completed, we found out artista pala itong neneng ito... and long story short (as ive mentioned in an old post), kinarir ko ang karir nya. hahaha. pinoys are really great supporters... all out fanatics! right now im busy voting for her loveteam since a really nice person sent money to help with her votes. :) how sweet. i check their PEX thread as often as i can also. jil and i text each other once in a while, chika chika... sweet girl. its really kept me busy, actually. hahaha. but you know, funny things happen.. like pagkamalang kabit ng may asawa... hahahaha. i wont go into details anymore since its really something id rather not talk about. haha. yes, pinagbintangan akong kerida. hahaha. which got me thinking about the hula of 2 separate persons about me being careful when it comes to married men... hala! :P

2. ms. maricel soriano and entourage - the diamond star, multi-awarded actress, sought after endorser, and pinoy showbiz icon

my second star exposure for the year. boy... this one is for the books. i never thought showbiz was like this when you're up there! haha. medjo confidential pa yung details, but i can say this really convinced me na showbiz life is not as fun and comfortable as it seems... unless you're the diamond star! matapos ako gawing kerida, somehow i was made to feel na i was NOTHING... haha. everyone is nothing nga naman beside these BIG stars! but im enjoying the experience... masarap pag kuwentuhan after.. im sure ill write about it more when everything is done. :)

------------------------------

OT: love is in the air here in the office... all the girls (married, single, attached and unattached) fussed a bit when this bouquet of flowers came for ainee... (talagang sabihin ko name ni ainee no?! hahahaha. this is MY blog.. i can say WHATEVER i want.. bwahahahaha.) and the mood has been better here since. haha. naka-park dito sa area namin yung flowers and amoy flowers na yung office... haha. cutie ainee tied the ribbon from the bouquet on her wrist pa.. haaaaaaaaaay.