goodness gracious. when hormones are raging, they RAGE. im not making it as an excuse for my loopiness, but i think with a little over 10 years of experience i can tell when things are defintely hormonal. oh, how they rage tonight.
i had a good day. wore my ultra bright and colorful shirt (one i bought in HK), and the new cuteness bracelet i found last night (apparently they MATCH! well, what do you know!?). was supposed to 'career' some legwork for some reports at work, but ended up spending a more leisurely afternoon with mel.
got SOME work done, which was still good... time spent well. :p
so it was a normal day. nothing out of the ordinary to trigger anything. then, BAM! when in get home, insecurities sink in. damnit. loopy loopy loopy.
starting to really hate it. why cant i just be 'normal' and infinitely less emotional like my other friends?!
Sunday, June 25
let me in
i want to wake up one morning and realize that i have a nook in your life - that i have a position that no one can and ever will be able to fill in. i want to know and hear that im relevant and that i have an impact on you. i want to know that i am to you what you are to me. but thats going to be selfish and bratty of me. to want to get what i want, the way i want it.
Tuesday, June 20
a year ago...
ive been forgetful of some things that i confuse what happened on which year. some people have that gift. well, i was never to good in history anyways. anyway, once in a while, i trip and look at whats been posted "a year ago"... sometimes i do it on my blog, sometimes on other blogs.
so i checked my blog today.... this time last year:
1. i was in the middle of my whole ultimate jolog phase (honestly torn if that was my ultimate jolog phase or being with my ex was... hmmmm...). around this time last year, i was getting into this whole Qpids thing. sheesh. WTF was i thinking.
2. met up with mike and mic at 86 quezon... sigh... memories.
3. i was enraged and almost fed up (again) because of this heartless and soul-less person in my work-life. i was able to take on so much those days... all the crap i was put through... (makes me think why i snap more easily these days... but thats a totally different post)
4. mr & mrs smith... ah, yes... my "learning to be comfortable with yourself and appreciate alone time" phase. i was supposed to catch this movie alone but of all the luck in the world, i left my wallet at the office.
5. loopy days. these were the days when things were up and down and up and down and up and down... and all that. its funny. i wrote about vagueness -- id like to think i dont resort to vagueness as often anymore. i wrote about passion for dancing -- i still LOVE to dance... not sure if im as decent a dancer as i was, but i still love it (incidentally, i was watching dance fever on star world last night... i cried. i was so envious of all those peoplewho can just go and follow their passion because there are just so many opportunities for them there!). i wrote about feeling and not feeling -- i still ahve tose days but i keep them under tabs.
i wrote about a lot of things. my point is, some have changed a great deal, and some are same in some ways.
its nice to look back sometimes and remember what you've been through because in a way, i can (in small ways) appreciate how much 'easier' i have it now.
so i checked my blog today.... this time last year:
1. i was in the middle of my whole ultimate jolog phase (honestly torn if that was my ultimate jolog phase or being with my ex was... hmmmm...). around this time last year, i was getting into this whole Qpids thing. sheesh. WTF was i thinking.
2. met up with mike and mic at 86 quezon... sigh... memories.
3. i was enraged and almost fed up (again) because of this heartless and soul-less person in my work-life. i was able to take on so much those days... all the crap i was put through... (makes me think why i snap more easily these days... but thats a totally different post)
4. mr & mrs smith... ah, yes... my "learning to be comfortable with yourself and appreciate alone time" phase. i was supposed to catch this movie alone but of all the luck in the world, i left my wallet at the office.
5. loopy days. these were the days when things were up and down and up and down and up and down... and all that. its funny. i wrote about vagueness -- id like to think i dont resort to vagueness as often anymore. i wrote about passion for dancing -- i still LOVE to dance... not sure if im as decent a dancer as i was, but i still love it (incidentally, i was watching dance fever on star world last night... i cried. i was so envious of all those peoplewho can just go and follow their passion because there are just so many opportunities for them there!). i wrote about feeling and not feeling -- i still ahve tose days but i keep them under tabs.
i wrote about a lot of things. my point is, some have changed a great deal, and some are same in some ways.
its nice to look back sometimes and remember what you've been through because in a way, i can (in small ways) appreciate how much 'easier' i have it now.
Monday, June 19
little rascals
time for new nephew photos!!!!
have more photos in my camera.. these are the ones from my phone pa lang. plus i dont want to be biased towards the little ones. :p its just that vins and sevi are the cutest ones right now... you know cuteness reduces with age. :p
post them tomorrow!
have more photos in my camera.. these are the ones from my phone pa lang. plus i dont want to be biased towards the little ones. :p its just that vins and sevi are the cutest ones right now... you know cuteness reduces with age. :p
post them tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 13
bolinao freedom weekend
its always nice to see new places, especially when company is great. the weeks leading up to this weekend were hellish and i was looking forward to the weekend each day.
bolinao rocks! i took over 400 photos.. anton took over 200... God knows how many photos pau took.. these should be proof of how great it was. haha.
cant find the words for it... thus this short post. haha.
bolinao rocks! i took over 400 photos.. anton took over 200... God knows how many photos pau took.. these should be proof of how great it was. haha.
cant find the words for it... thus this short post. haha.
Wednesday, June 7
when even just a little is too much
extra challenge to function properly at the office these days. its always been a challenge but these days its extra hard. its probably because my mind is just elsewhere in this universe.
i start my days hopeful because i feel better compared to the night before. but as the day progresses, i spiral downwards. and im left feeling confused and overwhelmed with all the things that are buzzing in my head (literally). and this is just work we're talking about. add the personal baggage, and it just overflows! so at the end of the day, i give my last burst of productiveness when everyone has gone home, and phones stop ringing. after which, i drag myself home looking forward to my single piece of royce chocolate, watching TV and falling asleep out of exhaustion.
right now, a few people are left here at the office, and the silence soothes my numb brain. sometimes i feel like i cant take the noise anymore. its not just the literal noise... the music, and the conversations, and all that... its the other kind of NOISE. i dont know how else to explain it. but sometimes i just want to turn it all off.
if i think about it.. and most often i do when people ask me if i have a lot of things to do... i really dont have an insane list of things to do. i mean, ive been through worse and gotten out fairly okay. but lately even with the 'manageable' load, i feel like i cant handle it... like its too much for me already. and i end up either: 1. feeling inadequate, 2. getting angry and bitchy, or 3. no caring and procrastinating.
this couldnt be healthy. i dont know if its just a phase or its "something else". i cant even think about it anymore. my brain just cant take it anymore.
i start my days hopeful because i feel better compared to the night before. but as the day progresses, i spiral downwards. and im left feeling confused and overwhelmed with all the things that are buzzing in my head (literally). and this is just work we're talking about. add the personal baggage, and it just overflows! so at the end of the day, i give my last burst of productiveness when everyone has gone home, and phones stop ringing. after which, i drag myself home looking forward to my single piece of royce chocolate, watching TV and falling asleep out of exhaustion.
right now, a few people are left here at the office, and the silence soothes my numb brain. sometimes i feel like i cant take the noise anymore. its not just the literal noise... the music, and the conversations, and all that... its the other kind of NOISE. i dont know how else to explain it. but sometimes i just want to turn it all off.
if i think about it.. and most often i do when people ask me if i have a lot of things to do... i really dont have an insane list of things to do. i mean, ive been through worse and gotten out fairly okay. but lately even with the 'manageable' load, i feel like i cant handle it... like its too much for me already. and i end up either: 1. feeling inadequate, 2. getting angry and bitchy, or 3. no caring and procrastinating.
this couldnt be healthy. i dont know if its just a phase or its "something else". i cant even think about it anymore. my brain just cant take it anymore.
aning
for some reason, as long as im at the office, i get agitated easily... short-tempered... and bitchy.
Monday, June 5
they say it comes in three's
i was supposed to write something about threes today. but i lost my thoughts i guess. anyway, today marks 3 years of being an official tax-payer. i was looking for a nice photo to post today.. and i found this one in imagebank... funny how apt it is to where i am in my life TODAY.
after three years, where do i want my life to go?
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