Monday, January 28

BWISET

just when i managed to get out of bed earlier than my usual "late", the world conspires against me. i think i can get past the part where i stood in line for the shuttle for almost 30mins, but what really pissed me off was that wise-assed cab driver.

i usually get off amorsolo when im running late so i can take a cab straight to the office instead of going around makati in the shuttle. and thats exactly what i did this morning. i told the cab where i was going and said he can pass either buendia or cross ayala through makati med --- both routes i regularly take. manong said ihe just came from buendia and traffic was bad there, so i assumed we'd take the makati med route. BUT NO! he took me to ayala, then to makati ave pa! we had to pass through so many stoplights! i was so pissed (because i was late already and he chose a longer way) that i told him im not going to pay him more than what i usually pay for when i catch a cab from amorsolo. BWISET TALAGA.

Thursday, January 24

wish granted (and some random babbling)

i was surprised to realize im starting to get my wish... work is steadily pouring in... it feels great to be more useful again. haha. parang na-miss ko ang work-stress. pahinga naman sa life-stress. hahahaha. so far, i welcome this. let's see how long it will stay that way. :p

----

here come the random babbles...

mukha daw akong "good girl"... good girl nga ba ako? i guess it depends on your definition of a "good girl".

i feel like i have so much hair on my head... its been feeling "heavy" the past few days. maybe ill get a short haircut next. :p

"To see a basketball in your dream, suggests that you need to make the first move. You also need to concentrate and be more focused on your goals."

Tuesday, January 22

wide awake

ive been having trouble sleeping and i know why. coz the thing that i prevent myself from thinking of during the day by distracting myself with work, comes crawling back into my head to haunt me all night. hay. ive tried those calming teas... still awake. sleeping aids... takes a while to fall asleep still. tring to relax my mind... EFFORT talaga.

well, tonight is another night. i hope i fall asleep early. i cant be coming to work late anymore.

Thursday, January 3

gone too soon

early morning january 1 while i was familiarizing myself with the new channel assignments on sky cable, i happily discovered we had discovery travel and living!!!

too bad its on preview only until january 8. hay. it sucks pa that our house isnt covered by the digital service of sky... so even if im willing to pay for the upgrade, we cant get it.

seasons of love

ironic that the first song i hear on my ipod for 2008 was this one from rent... made me think how i would measure my year... how was my 2007?

in retrospect....

- a lot of travelling... batangas, bangkok, baguio, bohol, vigan-baguio, etc. mabuhay ang mga tao with "itchy feet". hahahaha.

- definitely exciting as far as my personal life is concerned. haha. quarterly cycles are a definite improvement. ang bilis ko na maka-get over ha... in fairness!

- a LOT of sleepless nights... mga pahamak kasi e. hahaha.

- work-wise it was okay. it was a really fast year for us at the office... which is good!

- ive been substantially happier this year for several great reasons. all of which i remain thankful for.

- got seriously sick a couple of times.. around feb i got a respiratory track infection, fainted inexplicably around march, and a few dizzy and vomiting spells in june and october. hahaha.

- i shouldnt forget my client-arranged blind date. hahaha. in hind sight, that was a fun few dates. i took another one for the team!

- got in touch with a lot of old and fond friends throughout the year. fun, fun, fun.

- i got to know myself a lot more this year. a lot of time spent by myself, and thinking. :) especially during my major life decision moments.

- OH! i must not forget my glorietta 2 experience. how can i forget that day?

dont get me wrong, i ran into bumps and crater-sized potholes throughout the year.. really tough times, but even as i think about them now and recall how hard those times were, i can still smile and say i had a good 2007. not quite great, but still really good.

Tuesday, December 18

speaking of addiction (in response to cha)

a lot of talk of vicious cycles, of addictions, of the endless pursuit of happiness, of pain and getting hurt, or hoping endlessly, etc... and it seems appropriate that im particularly fond of this the past few weeks (as in national anthem)

MORE TO LIFE (Stacie Orrico)

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

CHORUS:
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... There's gotta be more
(Than wanting more)

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

CHORUS

I'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
Always... Always...

CHORUS - repeat twice

More to life
There's gotta be more to life (more to life)
There's gotta be more to life (more)
More to my life

Monday, December 10

quotes

some are just good quotes.. some hit too close to home. haha.

The Holiday

Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.

Arthur: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.

Iris: Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself!

Iris (narrating): I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night.

And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!

Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

Iris: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Amanda: Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it... makes it complicated.
Graham: That's why it's better to have it... some say.

Graham: I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that.

I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: 3 for the price of 1. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is YOU.

Greys Anatomy

Meredith (narrating): In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.

Meredith (narrating): Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

Monday, December 3

Bohol 2007 (in a nutshell)

hay. i just finished posting pictures from the trip. i cant believe we took so many photos... three people, four cameras, four to five days. hahaha.

bohol was a great idea. thanks to lily for taking advantage of my being kaladkarin. its very different from boracay. the feel is different. the crowd is different. but there's no picking one over the other. hahahaha. food was okay --- seafood galore pero somehow parang bitin kasi may kulang. i think lily and anna will agree there should be a more decent fruit shake place there.. ala jona's of boracay.

my highlights all involve animals haha:

after balicasag, after seeing all those fish, and after ko mabitin sa reef cliff, im even more determined i really want to learn to dive. ang tapang ko lumangoy kasi naka-hawak ako sa guide. hahaha. ill definitely look into that in the near future.

i got to hold a tarsier! i know its not really allowed, but im glad i got to. kahit na kuya fed it a cricket while i was holding it. muntikan ko nang mahagis. hahaha.

i got my dolphins. a lot of them. pero dahil brat ako, kulang pa rin. hahaha. babalikan ko sila. and i hope to see even more. im still working on chopping up the videos and take out the audio. maybe in a day or two, ill be able to upload that.

lils, anna!!! san tayo next? hehehehe.

Tuesday, November 27

que sera sera

im amazed at how things turned out today. great timing. what happened over lunch... me flying to bohol for the next few days... im grateful i have time to "prepare" for the possibility of what the next weeks will bring.

ill admit im a bit saddened by what happened earlier, but im still smiling about the coincidences of how things are revealing themselves to me. in the bigger picture, thigs really do make sense. this time, i saw it earlier than usual.

Monday, November 26

rain, rain, go away!!!

ive been looking forward to the bohol trip since i bought my ticket in march.. now that its a day away, im even more excited. im worried about all the typhoon activity in and around the country. it all started when it threatened to rain on the boracay event. it rained alright, but at least not on the times that mattered. so i still got to bake in the sun. i have that same feeling again. i checked the weather forecast for the week for tagbilaran ang wednesday says 100% chance of precipitation... thats the day i fly in. bwiset.

actually, what im most worried about are the dolphins... thats probably 50% of why im excited about the trip. and if it rains hard, i dont think chances of seeing any are good. NO!!!! i can go without blue skies and sun throughout the day.. if it means i get to see the dolphins.

please dont rain on my vacation. i know i just got back from boracay, and i had fun there.. but this is official vacation. please please please dont let it rain!!! i want to commune with nature.. see the dolphins, swim with the fishies, see eye to eye with the tarsier, jump at the chocolate hills, swim at the falls.. no rain please.

Friday, November 23

out of it

the past few days ive been challenged to keep my mind from flying to far off places. today, ive let my mind go. im physically at the office, but my mind is far far away.

i was supposed to catch up with lily at the ad congress but i dont think ill be going anymore on account of the super typhoon. so now im sitting here at my desk... wishing i were some place else.

grabeng build up ng excitement yung bohol. our tickets were booked march of this year pa! so i had more than half of the year to get ready and be excited.

FINALLY sa wednesday na!!

o0o

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAU!!!

Wednesday, November 21

numbers numbers numbers

today was a day of numbers... spent it making sure all my files and records are updated. i was faced with trackers, CEs, invoices and all that! hahaha. the year is really going to end soon.

before i got a headache from all the numbers, i took a break and cleaned my desk. again. what a clerical day for me. haha.

LILY: makakatulog kaya ako until i find a way to get there??? hahaha. hmmm...

Tuesday, November 20

how you make me feel

i dont mean to be cheesy.. but i think ill end up somehwere there anyways. hahaha. pasintabi po...

im not used to not getting what i want, but with you parang okay lang. i have a lot of those moments na parang sisgaw na ako ng "ayoko na, bahala ka sa buhay mo".. but then you do or say something to make it stop. impeccable ang timing mo. kinda freaky actually kasi i know im not obvious about it.

i dont know where things are going to end up.. i really dont. and i dont even know where i want things to end up. kasi we're so different. different pa in a lot of the things that matter kaya minsan (well, lately madalas), we dont seem to get each other... correction, i dont get you. i think you get me.. haha. how do you do that???

i love how i can be so honest with you without feeling like im being a nutcase --- it takes a special person to be able to handle that. it helps i can be honest coz really things are just literally floating between us. i guess we'll only be able to "settle" it if and when we see each other. basta for now, you make me smile. i feel silly that i catch myself smiling.. cant help but smile. nakaka-loka.. pero masaya. for now, this will do for me. im enjoying whatever "this" is.

Thursday, November 8

itchy feet

im not talking about the fungal kind.. hahahaha! all the talks of travelling over meals and YM has made me restless to actually go somewhere. luckily, i have trips lined up until the year-end. wuhooo!!!

nov. 14 to 18 - boracay, philippines

nov. 28 to dec. 2 - bohol, philippines

dec. 10 to 16 - ho chi minh, vietnam

dec. 26 to 31 - basta north luzon, philippines

looking at it plotted on a calendar, i have roughly a week in between trips. isnt that just great?

Wednesday, November 7

honkey-dorey hahahahappy!

i can't get over how much of a good mood im in! as in can't-help-but-smile and all... it's a strange feeling because i can't pinpoint exactly whats tickling my fancy.

its like when you can't feel your fingers. you know they're there and they're attached to the rest of your body but when you hold them with the fingers that can still feel, they can't "feel back". or like having topical anesthesia on a specific body part. parang i want to hug the world tuloy. hahahahaha! did someone drung my food over lunch??? haha. this is so bizarre... peculiar... unusual... and definitely out of the ordinary.

looking forward to...

i think the very long long weekend did me a lot of good. i got to be lazy to my heart's content. hahahaha. i havent really finished all the dvds i bought but im not in a hurry. best of all, ive been having good days since then. i think its all the time im spending out of the office. hahahaha. fresh air does wonders to my mood.

things im looking forward to for the rest of 2007: possible trip to bora for work, bohol (finally), celebrating my birthday differently, and christmas/new year road trip up north.

puro travel no? hahaha. they're mostly just "possibilities" right now, i know. well, save for bohol coz that was set march pa. but im really hoping they'd push through. weeeeee!

Wednesday, October 31

is this it???

its been announced... here we go! im excited and nervous at the same time. excited for the new things coming my way. this could be the challenge i was unconsiously looking for. but nervous mostly in anticipation of what this actually has in store for me. right now, all i can really do is wait... wait until im given further instructions.

i shouldnt let that email get me down. i wasnt my "best" this year, and i wont deny i've had my weak moments. but im not apologizing for them either. kasi even on my tamad days, i know i push myself as much as i can.

i hope i did the right thing. if not, at least i know i shouldnt regret anything. im going to give this a shot.. im going to work my ass off for this... the decision has been made and im bent on making it work. the next months should be veeeeeeery interesting.

Tuesday, October 30

tanong lang ha...

do opposites REALLY attract?

i mean sure it makes things interesting but i find it really odd how majorly different we are and yet we are where we are... absolutely odd, but fun. haha.

a dose of truth

I don't necessarily relate to this right now, but there is a lot of truth for me in this.

Iris' monologue from The Holiday:

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.

Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

Tuesday, October 23

steady day

it feels weird to be at the office and yet feel this relaxed. haha. today was a steady day. i think it has something to do with me getting to the office really late --- woke-up late, shuttle left much later; and the calming effect of packing the halloween loot bags for the kids this friday.

haha. no wonder im relaxed! i barely had work to do today...