i need air

i wont even bother with the details of what i had to go through since november. its just too stressful. but for people who have managed to catch a glimpse of me at this time, or have heard a story or two, you would know that it has been tough to say the least. its as if my personal life is on hold until work clears up. by the look of things, ill be this way well into q1 of 2009.

BUT!!! i will try to keep a positive attitude and say a part of me (albeit very small) is still thankful that i have work to stress about where thousands of people are losing their jobs all over the world.

i think right now this is really wear and tear getting to me. the holidays was supposed to be a welcomed break, but its hasn't been much of that... well, at least not the holiday i had in mind.

i have two things in mind to get me out of this state... 1.) an honest to goodness absolutely no work at all holiday where i have nothing to think of other than what time to get out of bed and 2.) getting to that part where all the troubles of this particular project are far behind me.

im crawling towards the light at the end of the tunnel!!!

christmas buzzzzzzzzz

a little more than a month left before Christmas and i feel a different kind of buzz. 

im used to the traffic, the crowded malls and the incessant Christmas songs (name almost any song, they'll have a christmas version/mix just for the holidays) in manila.. the usual lights, and decors and all the festivities.

but this year is quite different. :p right before i head home for the holidays, my life will be literally buzzing with work. ive been holding my breath in suspense on whether or not this project will fall through or not simply coz if it does it will mean i will have to fly home for a few days to attend to a major meeting. today i found out its 95% good as a "go".

i will have to admit part of me is happy that i can come home before the holidays. it will be 4 months next friday since i first flew into saigon. its a cute coincidence that i fly itno manila on the 26th and fly back to saigon on the 28th... exactly my 4th month mark of living in saigon. haha. coolness. and im equally happy i get to see jp... of course thats the best bonus of all. but the sad part is, mommy and papa are flying in on the 27th on the cebupac early am flight. i kinda feel guilty that i will not be here to pick them up from the airport and take them around on their first day. our reunion will have to wait until i fly back friday afternoon. *sigh* ill try not to worry too much about that because i have some ideas cooked up for the parents while im away. :p

so its going to be a damn busy december up until the very day i leave for home for the holidays. busy busy busy. really a different kind of christmas rush. :p

here's to surviving 27-ish days. and to a GREAT christmas break up ahead. :)

sicky semi-sucky week

i figured this week would shine less brightly after that fab weekend at mui ne (my first out of town trip since i moved here). 

long story short, i got sick this week and had to stay home for 2 days. and the last two work days weren't that easy to swallow. in fact, i might have gagged on several occasions.

in any case, i will hold on to my happy mui ne memories and be thankful that its the weekend already. hoping matuloy yung "tourist day" tomorrow. :) that should cheer me up. i have a lot to make up for in terms of photos to take here in saigon... :p

3 months

in a few days i would have been away from home for 3 months already. cut-off na ng homesickness ko. oh no... no more excuse for insane moments. hahahaha.

i clearly remember mr g telling me that the first 3 months would be most difficult for me... this is where all the adjustments and homesickness usually kicks in. oddly enough, ratherim thankful, that apart from at most 3 inexplicably sad mornings of uncontrolled tears and over the top melodrama and ka-praningan, i've been okay here. i am in no way complaining.. dont get me wrong. im surprised i have not cried buckets every night nor have i impulsively bought tickets back to manila. although i think i still have had my fair share of realizations.

before i left for saigon, i was picking alf's brain about what its like to live and work abroad... to somehow prepare myself for the changes ahead. i remember him saying that it would be a good experience, but i should be aware that i may discover things about myself that i may not be ready to accept. i knew this move was about both professional and personal growth. so far i have been faced with more realities about myself. some of which are easier to swallow than others. hahaha. but i have no regrets.

so here is to my first (almost) three months... and hopefully to many more stable and fruitful ones. :p mot, hai, ba, yoooooooooo! :D

under the radar

sometimes i feel like im living my life under the radar. while i dont doubt my capabilities and potential, its just a nagging thought that im the only one who knows of them. hahaha.

back in manila, i worked (with great pride) for the same company for 5 years --- it was my first job. though i was there for 5 long years, ive come to realize that i barely know anyone in that industry outside of those that i have worked with. ang konti. hahaha. in fact, when i got a call from another agency late last year and the girl said she heard about me and is interested to get me for her team, i was half surprised and half doubting if this was for real or if it was just someone playing a prank on me. i kept on thinking "how in the world id she hear of me???".

i guess i dont mind that im not one of those people that if you mention the name, chances would be that someone would have heard of him/her. in short, di ako pop-kid. not when i was in grade school, maybe a bit more in college (pero hindi rin e), and definitely not when i was working. 

is that necessarily a good or a bad thing? should have its pros and cons, but which would outweigh the other? 

does that make me an under achiever? or does it simply mean im not as good as i think i am?

maybe it means im just not the type to broadcast and merchandise my work? humility?

or maybe i AM popular in my own right, but i just realize it?

hmm....

no words

i find it ironic... now that some of the greatest things in my life are happening to me, i cannot find the right words to capture the emotions, the experiences and the immensity of it all. part of me is probably afraid that if i try to put it into words, it will end up sounding cheesy and baduy. hahaha.

maybe i should just stop trying and thinking so hard and just write about it. :p i think in the future, i will appreciate how i can look back at great times like these and know that somehow ive immortalized parts of it.

winning and losing

woke up today feeling like the world is so much better. ang saya ko talaga. main reason really is that im so looking forward to next weekend but the cherry on top was the oh-so-fabulous win by ateneo yesterday.

being that im in another timezone, it was really hard for me not to watch the game live.. but even harder not to watch it at all. thanks to acky... i got to watch online (at the office.. hehehe). happy as i was, it was one of the hardest things ive done because im used to cheering my lungs out at games... and for me to watch the game and have to literally hold my mouth shut so i wont react at all was excruciating. feeling ko puputok na puso ko. syempre i had to pretend i was "working".

anyway, we won, and la salle lost. what was supposed to be just a comment n pat's blog turned out long enough to post.. so here are my thoughts. haha.

you really see what people are made of when they are down. i may be miles away from araneta, and STILL i have my fair share of bitterness from our green friends --- i work with one, and my sister is married to one. si ko maintindihan kung bakit pag talo na sila, iniiba yung usapan bigla... 

1. congrats, mas marami naman kaming championship trophies 

-- okay, fine. i cant deny that, but a win is a win. fact also is, WE ARE THE CHAMPION THIS YEAR.  

2. okay lang manalo kayo, mas malaki naman sweldo namin sa inyo. 

-- uhm, okay. sa basketball kasi part ng stats yung financials ng mga alumni ng school di ba? (rolling my eyes)  

3. sige, kayo naman.. para sumikat din kayo. 

-- ano daw? halatang bitter at walang masabi. hahahahaha!  

4. luto naman e. ang papangit ng mga call ng referee. 

--- gasgas na to. pobreng mga referee lagi na lang sila may kasalanan. they only call it as they see it. tough luck. we've had our fair share of bad calls (or lack of) too. and please dont blame the players for the ref's "bad calls". the boys just want to play and win the game. its just funny (and sad) how people can get used to the glory of winning so much that they forget how to lose with grace... oh well.

wait, not to generalize... i had more la salle friends call / text / ym to congratulate me for the win (akala mo ako naglaro, no?). thank you for that.

great season for ateneo. finger or no finger. good or bad calls. championship or not... it was one hell of a season (weirdest 4th quarter though). too bad i only got to see one game live.. and had to watch the last one online.

ONE BIG FIGHT!

wish list

like everyone i have a list of things i want to buy in the immediate future...

1. admu jacket at adidas... im a size small. hehehe. if someone can PLEASE buy this for me, i promise to send money to manila for it. pleeeeeaaaase???? i KNEW i should have bought the last piece in podium before i left!

2. dslr. i had to put this on hold coz the offer to work here fell through. i needed all the savings i could get my hands on at that time. i think ill be able to afford one by my birthday. :) weeee!

3. new ipod nano. eto luho na lang talaga. totally impractical coz there's nothing wrong with the one i have right now.. except it doesnt have video. :p maybe ill get it.. maybe i wont...

4. my own mac. yes, im a mac convert. since the office issued one to me, i love it more and more each day. maybe not in 2008... but soon after.

got hit while walking along nguyen hue

left the office to go meet two of my favorite friends here in hcm at dong khoi. so i was walking along nguyen hue boulevard, bag and laptop in hand, looking at the buildings and the lights and the motorbikes passing me. then, while i was crossing the street, i was surprised that it hit me...

im WALKING the streets of SAIGON

i can honestly say i LIVE in SAIGON

fart on my face. 

i smiled at the thought. i felt like a real adult and im proving im capable of independence. 

ang saya lang.

thats all, thank you.

ps. belated happy birthday jiller... mellie... and happy brithday shoti... and advanced happy birthday mommy ni hanz. :p

living in

redge moved in yesterday and slowly my once semi-bare apartment is becoming more and more homey. funny how it took a guy like him to make this place a little more girly. hahaha.

wait, before i get any violent reactions. and before any of you call mommy to squeal on me, let me clarify. first, redge isnt my boyfriend... can NEVER be. secondly, mom knows he moved in. and lastly, he's me pseudo room mate coz i had an extra room and he needed a place to move into.

grand gestures

good friend of mine is here because of his "girl" is here on a vacation with her family and he thought it would be nice to meet up here. short of the story, he got on a plane, and arrived this morning not knowing what kind of place will welcome him at the end of his flight. hanz aplty put, its a grand gesture.... and we all need grand gestures once in a while.

so hanz and i found ourselves having lunch at quan an ngon (along nam ky khoi nghia) giving him a crash course of all the gems of ho chi minh so he can razzle dazzle her family. its sweet. :) i think i got carried away coz even when i got back to the office, i kept thinking of options of where he could take them for meals, shopping, sight-seeing. haha.

wala lang. i guess natuwa lang ako kasi im a hopeless romantic and a sucker for surprises.

(ahem ahem... someone please start dropping hints somewhere back in manila... ahem, ahem.. lily? hahahahahaha!)

homesick?

is it weird that i don't really feel like i'm in a different country? 

i was walking "home" tonight and i thought at how adjusted i am to saigon --- not that i had major adjustments that i went through. is that weird, or does it just show me how adaptable i am? or maybe its because work has kept me busy to notice and think of the differences?

in any case, i guess the explanation is irrelevant simply because i'm happy that i'm not crazy homesick in my first month and a half that i've been away, and thats good from whatever angle you want to look at it.

paramdam

im still alive.

people have been asking me why i dont post as much anymore. the answer is simple: been busy staying afloat at work.

looking back, its been a good month (and a few days). i had weak moments but someone was always there to give me perspective, to listen, or simply just to be there. yet another reason to be thankful i am blessed.

so ive been happy with my progress at work. i think with E being out of town for a long time really pushed me to get down and dirty with work. pretty pleased with myself.

hopefully i can update more often the coming weeks... i dont only work here.. i happen to have a life too. hahahaha.

paramdam

im still alive.

people have been asking me why i dont post as much anymore. the answer is simple: been busy staying afloat at work.

looking back, its been a good month (and a few days). i had weak moments but someone was always there to give me perspective, to listen, or simply just to be there. yet another reason to be thankful i am blessed.

so ive been happy with my progress at work. i think with E being out of town for a long time really pushed me to get down and dirty with work. pretty pleased with myself.

hopefully i can update more often the coming weeks... i dont only work here.. i happen to have a life too. hahahaha.

12 hours at cowan

i wasnt able to finish the immersion last night so i was determined to wake up early and be at the office way before the official 830am. well, i was there at 730... not bad considering i barely slept. i kept waking up thinking i was late or dreams of the damn immersion woke me up.

this was the first time i was asked to work on a critical document that will basically pave the way for the kind of work we will be able to deliver. and i sure hell wanted to make an impression on my competency.

anyway, going back, i was there at 730am and worked my ass off the whole day until i left the office at around 730pm. goodbye lunch and any form of meals today. bad, i know. which is why im re-stocking on panawid-gutom food and swear to have a proper lunch. regardless if its at 4pm.

now im glad to be home, munching on adobong pusit from little manila. :)

oh, by the way, the immersion turned out okay. wasnt expecting to get it perfect on the first go, but im pretty confident i did a good job at it. pasado naman daw. :p weeeeeee! bawi ako from yesterday's booboo.

the balance of life

yesterday was a great day at work. eric and i were in sync and we got so much done collectively that i was surprised to see it was 5pm na pala. hahaha. no, im not regressing back into my workaholic tendencies, but im just glad to know how well we can work together. that, and i got a sign that i can hack this new job. 

great feeling. i slept looking forward to today.

but you know, every yin has a yang. and today reminded me that not all days will go as smoothly and i WILL make mistakes down this road.

started when i woke up at 8am. take note, my work starts at 830am, and it takes around 20 minutes for me to travel from my apartment to the office. to make it worse, eric and i had a telecon at 830 too. good thing i got there 830am. dont as how. i just did. and yes, i took a proper bath.

when i got over being late, the next wave hit me big time. it was really a very basic and stupid mistake. totally my fault. i sent the wrong file to the wrong client. FART DI BA??? nanlamig talaga ako when i realized my mistake. good thing eris was fairly nice about it. had he given me a more stern sermon, i would have taken it like an adult. coz it really was my fault. but he didnt. he just gave me a short speech, then issue over. which actually made me more guilty! hahaha. 

needless to say, the rest of the day after lunch was a struggle for me. i was so praning. i couldnt take making another mistake in the same day!!!

so now im home... with a healthy list of homework. im just taking a break to let go of the bad vibes so i can do a great job on the things i have to get done for work.

hopefully tomorrow will be another contrast to today... swinging off to the good side of things of course.

2 weeks and a long list of blessings

major updating to do.... where do i begin???

its been 2 weeks since i moved here, and i can honestly say that its been great so far. up to know im still amazed at how things keep on falling into place for me. its like someone up in heaven suddenly remembered me and is making up with all the countless blessings.

so many good things have really happened to me here...

- getting the job and having the opportunity to work here is still the biggest blessing... in a way i can look at it as the catalyst for everything great that has happened to me thus far. work has been good. id like to think im adjusting fairly well. buti talaga pinoy boss ko and he's been generally nice to me. im keen on making sure that everyday i will give him good reason to think he made the best decision of picking me. :p

- the distance from my family has actually forced us to become closer. its beautifully ironic. im so proud at how mommy is eagerly and patiently willing to learn how to use the computer (and now has a valid email address on yahoo) just to keep in touch with me and ria (eventually). i gett o talk to her more often now than when i was working in manila. please dont tell my boss, but we often chat during office hours. :p

- i found an apartment to move into within a week of moving here. ive posted previously about this and im so lucky to have gotten this at the price im paying. otherwise, id have to live in a less relaxing environment.

- i got to spend my first week here with carla. at least di ako nalulungkot sa hotel. and she really helped me with looking at possible apartments. i dont think she knows but when i dropped her off at the airport last last sunday, i called her dad and i cried coz i told him adjusting to my new life here would not have been easy like it was had carla not been able to join me.

- i super super super thank icar for introducing me to hanz. and i super super super thank hanz for everything he has done for me so far. he's introduced me to practically every pinoy i know. he's taught me so so so much... and he's over-all a great friend to have.

- speaking of the pinoys here... im so blessed to have met those that i know here. feeling ko i will be less homesick with them around. and if/when i do, they'e just a text away. nakakatuwa at how willing everyone is to help... :)

- i have to make special mention of rommel. he is the most recent addition to my list of people to be thankful for. im sad he is leaving vietnam, but everytime i see any of all the things he has generously given me, i will definitely remember him. :D s promised, i will take good care of you things and as well to pay-it-forward when its my turn to leave.

more specific anecdotes some other day. ive been going out quite a lot here and a lot of memorable experiences already. BUT ill save that for another post.

hugs to everyone back home. im happy with where i am, but at the same time i miss home too...

last day in manila

24 hours from now, i will be on a plane for my next big adventure.

im excited as hell.

but first i have to re-pack fot the last time. hahahaha!

reality hits slowly

its official. i leave manila for my new life on july 27. may ticket na ako.

im not sure if im feeling weak in the knees from shopping (for work) at tutuban all day, or coz each day the reality of things are really starting to hit me.

there are going to be a lot of "lasts" and "firsts" these coming weeks.

good day

today was quick and painless... had an early am pitch in ortigas, which i think went well. kahit na i had to gather all my powers to present in english through and through. haha. good practice for my next life in vietnam. :p

had a wonderful and relaxed lunch at cafe juanita with elaine and paolo. sarap ng food! finally got to eat there. :p its felt good to slow down and have proper lunch naman for a change.

slid into a second pitch for the day (yes, sulit na sulit ako today!)which went equally well! sincerly hope gasso gets both accounts. we put so much into our work that it really hurts when we dont get accounts.

fingers crossed for both pitches. i wont be here to see them through but if we do get it, id feel just as proud to have been part of winning them. :)

yahoo, its friday! now i look forward to spending a lot of time with my mom and my family this weekend. in between finishing my turnover reports. i have 4 working days left... this is really it!

17 days

i have a few days left and still so much to do!!!

sigh. the reality of things are slowly dawning on me.

isa isa na ata ako magpapa-alam sa mga kaibigan ko. :(

still standing

the past few days have been a blurr. a fun blurr. when i wasnt working my ass of to finish all my pending requirements and turnover reports here, i was taking advantage of every opportunity to spend time with important people.

started when mommy ems surprised us with a visit. ang payat nya grabe. pano, one full meal a day??? shucks, akala ko OJT-er si mommy ems! hahaha. quick dinner with some old gasso peeps. ang sarap marinig ulit tawa ni mommy ems... at ang mga infamous words: "taka lang" "magkaka-meron". it kinda made me miss the old gasso... and of course old gasso friends. nako, nag-sesenti na ata ako with my leaving.

july 6, saturday

woke up real early for a saturday to get ready for rap and kaye's wedding. early morning stress with stubborn hair, but all was well. really happy i got to see kris. grabe, tagal na namin di nag-uusap ng matino. kaya yun. ang aga aga, nanlalait na ako ulit. hahahaha. the wedding was great. it was sunny! considering gloomy at maulan the days before.

too bad i missed parts of the reception... :( di ko naabutan rap ni berlin. though i caught the tail end of kaye's dad's speech... and their dance.. AND RAPRAP DANCING. my goodness. that was a sight. hehe. it was one hell of a party. i was tipsy at 330pm. may araw pa. haha.

that night, di pa ako nagpa-awat. vince promised we'd go out so we spent the night at tides sa BF lang. leah and jeanina were there too. i remember thinking kung isa-isa na ba ako nag-papaalam sa mga kaibigan ko dito.

so after waking up early, i slept early too.. early in the morning.

hours awake: 20

july 7, sunday

woke up early (for a sunday) again so we could all go to the tanchoco reunion on west ave. wasnt able to eat much. guess i was tired to have an apetite.

got home in time to catch the admu-dlsu game. WUHOO, WE WON!!!

cooked an insane amount of food for dinner. good thing my sisters were willing cooks as well. sa sobrang pagod ko magluto, literally i had 2 bites of food then that was it. knock out again.

hours awake: 15 hours

july 8, monday

see, when i dont get enough sleep on weekends, especially on sundays, i feel like shit the entire week after. hahaha. ang sagwa nga pakiramdam ko. barely got work done.

met with eric over dinner... really excited about the big move. he gave me some advanced reading and i cant wait to sink my teeth into them! will have to wait for the weekend for that.

watched hancock. hmm... the twist was just about the only thing that made it interesting for me. its was an hour and a half long, and nothing barely happened.

july 9, tuesday

met up with mic, lily, pat, karlo and mike at chief's. as usual it was an unusual night. haha. i will really miss these guys. i dont think they noticed, but i teared up often during the night when id realize it would be at least 6 months before we would be able to get together like that again. then again, i can look forward to that too.

i know you guys will read this. lets not spill any unnecessary information muna. id like to keep certain details of the night between me and my closest friends for now. ;)

BBB Family Day at Manila Ocean Park

Got the email from Coach Ivan. :) Hope people can come and support the Blue Babble.

ONE BIG FIGHT!

what brain?

i knew i would end up tired today. as in. boy, was i right!

got here at 7am to make final preparations for my 8am meeting. 3 meetings and 8 hours later, my brain has officially gone AWOL.

i have 2 more hours to try and get some work done. emphasis on TRY.

Breakaway --- Kelly Clarkson

seems appropriate for the changes im about to face. pat said i shouldnt wait to be set free but rather break away.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away

whats up???

di ko maintindihan...

bakit ginagawang malaking problema and isang bagay na hindi naman talaga problema.

bakit pilit ginagawang mahirap ang buhay, hindi naman kailangan.

bakit sa lahat ng oras na mangyari ang mga "problema", NGAYON PA?!!??!?!!

WHATS UP??? please release me, let me go...

homeless and dotted

departing from my very angry thursday, i spent the night at tricia's place to get some "stuff" done. hay. im back to being "dotted" again.. well, at least for the next 5 days or so.

today's concern is about finding a place in hcm. gosh. i really hope i find the perfect place that suits most of my qualifications!!! if im going to be alone there for quite a while, then i might as well find a place that will keep me happy. haha. baka cause pa ng lungkot ko yung tirahan ko. hahahaha.

so, if anyone knows of affordable ($500-$600) apartments in district 1, please let me know. i swear, pupuntahan ko every single vacancy if it means finding the perfect one.

5 words

sometimes i REALLY hate you.

getting there --- 32 days at most

okay. i feel much better today compared to last week's state of panic. haha. slowly but surely im getting work done and getting things ready for when i leave. i suppose i have enough time. if not, i will have to make do with the time i have.

got to go on my physical check-up this morning. timing was good coz i finished fast. although, im still in shock after being (wo)manhandled by the doctor. hahaha.

a new countdown begins. since i really dont have a ticket just yet, im counting down until the 26th of july.

when its just TOO MUCH

im quite sure my patience isnt running short over a particular client because im leaving. i have been feeling this growing sense of frustration, disappointment and disgust at how some people (no matter how nice they are) manage to take advantage of gasso. and we let them. malapit na ako dumating dun sa 'tama na, sobra na. to hell with you.'

its not a matter of amount of money but more of principle of it. we are in business afterall to make money... heck, we work our asses off and manage to smile at the end of a really sucky week because we all need to make money for ourselves. ano ba naman yung ibigay what is due... fairly proportionate for the quality and amount of work, effort, thought and passion was put into it.

hindi naman sa ATM ko didiretcho yung pera, but i care enough for gasso to feel slighted by this. hay nako. minsan nakakasuka na talaga. i think im most happy im leaving at times like this.

here's the deal

since pat has made an informal announcement already, i might as well make my official statement.

june 17, i have my resignation from GASSO after 5 colorful years. to say the decision to leave was easy is true. not because i harbor any ill feelings towards the company, but because the opportunity feels right. i could go on about all my fondest memories here at GASSO but that might just make me senti. for now it will be safe to say that i have had a LOT of firsts here. next time na yung senti post. maybe on my last day (which incidentally is GASSO's anniversary).

so where am i moving to? vietnam to work for Cowan Design, still as a senior account manager but handling south / southeast asia. starting around end of july i will be living in ho chi minh (aka saigon). yun lang. plain and simple but its the biggest decision ive made so far, and im proud of myself. :D

i have a growing list of things to do before i leave. hahaha. more updates to come for sure!!!

thak you to everyone who prayed for me... :) this would not have been possible if not for your support. i ask you please keep me in your prayers.

another pleasant surprise

as if getting my autosampler was not enough, i was able to find someone to fix/clean papa's old canon FTQL slr. YAAAAAY! natakot akong it will end up as a display piece na lang kasi the canon service center said they dont fix those anymore (BOOOOOOO!!!!). but now i get to use it because its nice and rust-free again.. AND i can buy lenses from him too. how cool. :)

im no great photographer... im still going to learn, but its good to know i have something like papa's old camera to use when im much better at taking photos. :p

lots of things to be happy about this week... more than the things not to be happy about. good week...

HOLD IT IN!!!

hay. big things happened the past few days. and i really want to write about it already. hahaha. but then ill have to wait. just a few more days before any big announcements.

nervousness

i have to write this down, or else im going to flip out. my fingers are cold.. well, so are my feet come to think of it. my heart is pounding to say the least. it feels like its beating its way out of my chest cavity. tomorrow lunch is SO DAMN FAR AWAY!

i hope things go well... that this anxiety is a sign of better things to come. please say a prayer or two for me.

the day lora became a mrs fonacier

i still cannot get over how moved i am by lora and larry's story. no matter how i try to put it into words, its really hard to explain how they have touched me. i dont know if its because ive grown more and more jaded and their relationship has reminded me that great things can and still do happen. in any case, it was a powerful event to witness.

everything was perfect in all its simplicity. balai taal looked so serene and cozy, larry looked excited but calm, and lora.. my goodness, lora... what can i say. she was stunning. i will have to admit that some brides dont look like themselves on their wedding day. they're beautiful, yes. but its like its some other person. lora was radiant... but you can still clearly see her quirky-ness shining through the beautiful bride that she was that day. :) naks. everything just felt familiar, cozy and sincere. there. that's the word i was looking for. SINCERE. i think every single guest really felt the essence of their relationship. and that's a rare thing to take away from attending a wedding.

anyway, im starting to sound looney. hahaha. to lora and larry, may you continue to inspire more people the way you have inspired me. :) im glad you guys have your happy ever after.

oh, and its was really great to see the girls again. kahit na for a time nagpaka-auti tayo sa table natin chatting away.. hahaha. we should get together more often.. and talk about C and her infamous glasses and neon socks again. hehehehehe.

its here!!!

got my all weather autosampler from lily last night and its soooooo pretty! :D

i cant wait to take it out for a spin. wuhooooo!!!

* borrowed photo from eBay

it's coming!!!

yay. my low EQ made me decide to get the autosampler through the US lomo site... deadma na difference in cost. i want to get it na now. hahaha. we're talking of a few hundred pesos difference lang naman. pwede na rin if it means ill get it the same time lily does. i might die of envy if lils gets hers first. :p

can't wait for lily to tell me it's here na. weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

konting tiis na lang...

four-eyed cutie

i was researching on my demekin and stumbled on this super cute all-weather camera... and fell in love. im really not a photography (or even lomography) fan, but this little girl has been popping in and out of my head since. now i think i wont get a super sampler anymore. i think i want this one instead. (photo from www.lomography/autosampler/about/)

the hunt is on for the best deal. buti na lang talaga i will likely end up back in hongkong in the next few months. ni-research ko talaga, and apparently they manufacture it in shenzen and they have a sales office in kowloon!!! either that or i get it on ebay. :p

hmmm... i wonder if i can still say im "not a fan". hahahaha.

in a nutshell...

the last of my paul arden quotes... for now. i guess his point was really simple...

SIMPLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE

The world is what you think of it.

So think of it differently and your life will change.

--- Paul Arden

as the song goes...

... the hardest to learn was the least complicated.

Talent helps, but it won’t take you as far as ambition.

Everybody wants to be good, but not many are as prepared to make the sacrifices it takes to be great.

Most people are looking for a solution, a way to become good. There is no instant solution, the only way to learn is through experience and mistakes.

--- Paul Arden

who says the world doesnt revolve around me?!

Im down to my last few quotes from "whatever you think, think the opposite".

NO ONE BUT NO.1

It is fashionable for so-called thinking people to try to lose their ego.

Well, they should think a bit harder. Presumably we were given egos for a reason.

Great people have great egos; maybe that’s what makes them great.

So let us put it to good use rather than try to deny it.

Life’s all about “me” anyway.

--- Paul Arden

AE's nightmare...

people with severe control issues, or OCD are going to have a hard time with this one. haha. though my control issues aren't severe, i still find immense comfort knowing that i know what im getting myself into and im prepared for it --- plan B, C and D ready. generally speaking of course.

DO IT THEN FIX IT AS YOU GO

Too many people spend too much time trying to perfect something before they actually do it.

Instead of waiting for perfection, run with what you’ve got, and fix it as you go.

--- Paul Arden

the price of "maturity"

THE CASE FOR BEING RECKLESS

When we were young we jump into the pool whether we can swim or not.

We have no fear. Either we swim or we drown.

Before we turn thirty, important things happen to us which shape the rest of our lives.

The first is:

We become aware of ourselves and our own thinking. We reach the age of reason.

The second is:

In a new-found maturity we begin to think in a more adult way.

We become grown up.

Recklessness and risk are not compatible with age.

Risk becomes something which must be carefully considered.

--- Paul Arden

decisions and regret

food for thought for the day... seems appropriate since mel said something about wrong decisions and regret...

DECISIONS DECISIONS DECISIONS.

When you look back there will be things you will regret.

You made the wrong decision.

Wrong.

You made the right decision.

Life is about right decisions. Whatever decision you make is the only one you could make. Otherwise you would make a different one.

Everything we do, we choose. So what is there to regret?

You are the person you choose to be.

--- Paul Arden (whatever you think think the opposite)

wish vs want

I WISH

I wish means: wouldn’t it be nice if…

If you always make the right decision, the safe decision, the one most people make, you will be the same as everyone else.

Always wishing life was different.

I WANT

I want means: if I want it enough I will get it.

Getting what you want means making the decisions you need to make to get what you want. Not the decisions those around you think you should make.

Making the safe decision is dull, predictable and leads to nowhere new.

The unsafe decision causes you to think and respond in a way you hadn’t thought of. And that thought would lead to other thoughts which would help you achieve what you want.

Start taking bad decisions and it will take you to a place where only others dream of being.

--- Paul Arden

Paul Arden Books

when i bought his books at page one in HK, i didnt realize what gems they were. so i was really pleased at how they tickle my brain when i read through them... my next few entries will probably be quotes from his books.

TRAPPED

It’s not because you’re making the wrong decisions, it’s because you are making the right ones.

We try to make sensible decisions based on the facts in front of us.

The problem with making sensible decisions is that so is everyone else.

---- Paul Arden (Whatever you Think, Think the Opposite)

its been a while

i have a long list of things to do before i leave. as much as possible, i really dont want to leave much work behind coz ill tend to think about it when im on vacay. :p BUT! ive been meaning to write a few things for some time now and i dont want to forget. haha.

1. binondo food tour - lily, cha and i went on the binondo food tour weeks and weeks ago (yes, ive been puuting this off for THAT long.. lumang balita na talaga.) it was fun... and masarap to say the least. ivan was a great guide. he really knew a lot about the place and all the interesting tidbits about it. he asked us though not to blog about the actual food places we went to, but im going to say this much.. come with a really empty stomach. the food was worth the hunger and by the last food stop, di na namin kaya kumain. hahahaha. maybe next time ill go back with my mom... at least i have an idea where i can take her. yum!

2. cubao - long weekend for bataan day, but lily and i literally didnt make any attempt to make plans to go out of town. el cheapos kami to raise our pocket money for the trip. hahaha. but i had a short list of things i needed for HK anyway. number one of which is walking shoes, aka comfy flats. so anyway, lily and i went to cubao and anonas for some really cheap shopping. :p

cant wait... 4 days left.

countdown to HK

over the weekend i realized our HK trip is just around the corner. 14 days from today to be exact. its going to be the longest out of the country trip so far and im stoked!

what can i say? iba kami ni lily mangarir ng trip. i got a bit carried away with bohol.. what with my excel file of facts prior to the trip and my detailed account of the trip when we got back --- complete with time approximations of the countryside tour. hahaha. this time, lily seems to be on the OC side. i was surprised i got a text message from her on our itinerary. haha. well, assignment of what areas to go to on what day pa lang naman. but then she mentioned something about writing down the routes per day already. hehehe. susulitin talaga namin yung 6 days... hahahaha. YAY.

i think ill be work braindead ont he 14th and 15th... assuming that my business trip doesnt fall through. if it does... haha. goodluck na lang to me.

dan in real life quotes

Marty Barasco: Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It's an ability.

Dan Burns: Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.

Dan Burns: There's rightness in our wrongness.

Dan Burns: What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?

i dont know what i was thinking when i expected this to be a comedy. hahahaha. si i ended up tearing up a couple of times. hahaha. sigh...

pag minalas ka nga naman...

i remember having this insanely malas day last year when i attempted to watch a movie alone for the first time and i found out when i was at the mall already that i left my wallet at the office. alone at the mall, no wallet, no atm, and no credit card. it was raining pa. malas.

well, ive had the same string of misfortune this past week.

1. ash wednesday - long story short, i fell down the stairs of the building and sprained my right ankle. im still cane-ridden. pero minsan pasaway i dont use it and opt to limp around na lang... bad girl.

2. yesterday's incident 1 - pilay na nga right foot ko, my left sandal broke pa here at the office. how the heck was i supposed to move around??? buti na lang sheila had slippers here sa office.

3. yesterday's incident 2 - i was fuming mad at this person and was having a less than fabulous afternoon (post sandal malfunction) and it was my first time to commute going home since i sprained my ankle. so as i was walking to valero to catch the shuttle there (in sheila's slippers), i sms-ed the dispatcher to let him know im on my way and if he could wait for me. his reply literally brought me to tears: "walang sasakyan dito". fart. as in bad trip talaga. i thought id have to stand in line sa SM for a long time since thats the only place else na may shuttle pauwi. hay. buti na lang mahaba lang daw pila and i caught the last van on my way home.

AY GRABE TALAGA. pag kinan*toot* ka nga naman ng malas! if things come in three's.. i hope my list ends there. tama na please. quota na ako.

is someone trying to tell me to slow down? hmmmm....

Advice from Oprah About Men

Girls, we should really learn a thing or two (or more) from this... OUCH!

* If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
* Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
* Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
* Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
* Slower is better.
* Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
* If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
* A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
* Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
* Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
* The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
* Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
* Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
* Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
* If something bothers you, speak up.
* Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
* You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
* Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
* Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
* Never let a man define who you are.
* Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
* A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
* All men are NOT dogs.
* You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
* You need time to heal between relationships...
* There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
* You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
* Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
* Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
* Never move into his mother's house.
* Never co-sign for a man.
* Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
* Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

BWISET

just when i managed to get out of bed earlier than my usual "late", the world conspires against me. i think i can get past the part where i stood in line for the shuttle for almost 30mins, but what really pissed me off was that wise-assed cab driver.

i usually get off amorsolo when im running late so i can take a cab straight to the office instead of going around makati in the shuttle. and thats exactly what i did this morning. i told the cab where i was going and said he can pass either buendia or cross ayala through makati med --- both routes i regularly take. manong said ihe just came from buendia and traffic was bad there, so i assumed we'd take the makati med route. BUT NO! he took me to ayala, then to makati ave pa! we had to pass through so many stoplights! i was so pissed (because i was late already and he chose a longer way) that i told him im not going to pay him more than what i usually pay for when i catch a cab from amorsolo. BWISET TALAGA.

wish granted (and some random babbling)

i was surprised to realize im starting to get my wish... work is steadily pouring in... it feels great to be more useful again. haha. parang na-miss ko ang work-stress. pahinga naman sa life-stress. hahahaha. so far, i welcome this. let's see how long it will stay that way. :p

----

here come the random babbles...

mukha daw akong "good girl"... good girl nga ba ako? i guess it depends on your definition of a "good girl".

i feel like i have so much hair on my head... its been feeling "heavy" the past few days. maybe ill get a short haircut next. :p

"To see a basketball in your dream, suggests that you need to make the first move. You also need to concentrate and be more focused on your goals."

wide awake

ive been having trouble sleeping and i know why. coz the thing that i prevent myself from thinking of during the day by distracting myself with work, comes crawling back into my head to haunt me all night. hay. ive tried those calming teas... still awake. sleeping aids... takes a while to fall asleep still. tring to relax my mind... EFFORT talaga.

well, tonight is another night. i hope i fall asleep early. i cant be coming to work late anymore.

gone too soon

early morning january 1 while i was familiarizing myself with the new channel assignments on sky cable, i happily discovered we had discovery travel and living!!!

too bad its on preview only until january 8. hay. it sucks pa that our house isnt covered by the digital service of sky... so even if im willing to pay for the upgrade, we cant get it.

seasons of love

ironic that the first song i hear on my ipod for 2008 was this one from rent... made me think how i would measure my year... how was my 2007?

in retrospect....

- a lot of travelling... batangas, bangkok, baguio, bohol, vigan-baguio, etc. mabuhay ang mga tao with "itchy feet". hahahaha.

- definitely exciting as far as my personal life is concerned. haha. quarterly cycles are a definite improvement. ang bilis ko na maka-get over ha... in fairness!

- a LOT of sleepless nights... mga pahamak kasi e. hahaha.

- work-wise it was okay. it was a really fast year for us at the office... which is good!

- ive been substantially happier this year for several great reasons. all of which i remain thankful for.

- got seriously sick a couple of times.. around feb i got a respiratory track infection, fainted inexplicably around march, and a few dizzy and vomiting spells in june and october. hahaha.

- i shouldnt forget my client-arranged blind date. hahaha. in hind sight, that was a fun few dates. i took another one for the team!

- got in touch with a lot of old and fond friends throughout the year. fun, fun, fun.

- i got to know myself a lot more this year. a lot of time spent by myself, and thinking. :) especially during my major life decision moments.

- OH! i must not forget my glorietta 2 experience. how can i forget that day?

dont get me wrong, i ran into bumps and crater-sized potholes throughout the year.. really tough times, but even as i think about them now and recall how hard those times were, i can still smile and say i had a good 2007. not quite great, but still really good.