im a blog slacker... or something like that. anyway, my point is this is my 100th post... hahaha. ive had this blog for almost a year and yet ive only posted a hundred today. shame shame.
being the shmuck that i am, i wanted to have a 'special' post to celebrate my 100th... i wanted it to be interesting enough for you guys to actually read it. hahaha. i thought of something but last minute i realized ang corny pala.. so im ditching that idea.
so this is it. my 100th post.
yipee. whooptidoo! shimemry shimmery, shine shine.
haha.
Wednesday, March 29
Monday, March 20
i forgot to put a title!
short list of things to do but the preparation needed for those things is a different story in itself. last friday i woke up thinking it will be an ordinary day at the office. boy, was i in for a surprise. march 17, 2006 was such an eventful day, that id would wantto note down as much of it as i remember.
(all times are approximations)
9am - i handle 2 brands (4 products), service one client and report to one boss.. all in one country
1030am - i now have 2 brands (4 products), service one client, handling 2 countries, now reporting to 2 bosses
430pm - all are the same except i lost my client
530pm - same brands, servicing 2 clients, with 2 bosses, plus physically reporting to 2 offices
im at a point in my life where if i play my cards right, i just might get more than a foot in the door of something ive wanted to try. im nervous.. and excited. and i know im pressuring myself more than i should. but im determined to give this my best. minsan lang ito maaaring mangyari sa akin.
----------------
busy. busy. busy. in a good way.
i still have my tamad days but its a good kind of busy. at least i know may substance yung pinagkaka-abalahan ko.
----------------
Uncontrollable eating!
i keep munching for all sorts of reasons... to stay awake, to think better, to.. wala lang! how am i going to manage my transformation with all this inending nibbling!!!
(all times are approximations)
9am - i handle 2 brands (4 products), service one client and report to one boss.. all in one country
1030am - i now have 2 brands (4 products), service one client, handling 2 countries, now reporting to 2 bosses
430pm - all are the same except i lost my client
530pm - same brands, servicing 2 clients, with 2 bosses, plus physically reporting to 2 offices
im at a point in my life where if i play my cards right, i just might get more than a foot in the door of something ive wanted to try. im nervous.. and excited. and i know im pressuring myself more than i should. but im determined to give this my best. minsan lang ito maaaring mangyari sa akin.
things are moving and i hope i can manage to come out of it in a better circumstance. :)
-----------------
three years.
ive been wishing na mahuli sya sa mga hocus pocus nya, na umalis na sya, or maka-alis na ako. now its happened --- i never thought this day would come. on one (small) side, i feel bad for him... because its a vicious cycle for him and if things go the way i think they are going, then he's in for some big problems. on the other side, im happy for the freedom i now have. its time for me to grow in a better direction.
-----------------
three years.
ive been wishing na mahuli sya sa mga hocus pocus nya, na umalis na sya, or maka-alis na ako. now its happened --- i never thought this day would come. on one (small) side, i feel bad for him... because its a vicious cycle for him and if things go the way i think they are going, then he's in for some big problems. on the other side, im happy for the freedom i now have. its time for me to grow in a better direction.
----------------
busy. busy. busy. in a good way.
i still have my tamad days but its a good kind of busy. at least i know may substance yung pinagkaka-abalahan ko.
----------------
Uncontrollable eating!
i keep munching for all sorts of reasons... to stay awake, to think better, to.. wala lang! how am i going to manage my transformation with all this inending nibbling!!!
Friday, March 17
photos
curly locks
what happens when AEs are left with little to do? KIKAY SESSION! haha.
yesterday was a rare day. one, julette was at the office AND was not stuck typing away at her computer. two, all the girls of accounts had curly hair. haha.
ive always wanted to see what i would look like with curly hair. now i know! :)
not baaaaad... me and my scrunched up nose when i smile... haaay.
what happens when AEs are left with little to do? KIKAY SESSION! haha.
yesterday was a rare day. one, julette was at the office AND was not stuck typing away at her computer. two, all the girls of accounts had curly hair. haha.
ive always wanted to see what i would look like with curly hair. now i know! :)
not baaaaad... me and my scrunched up nose when i smile... haaay.
merengue!
ive wanted to buy these shoes since nike launched its nike women campaign (the first one with the dancing girls).. i remember i was in cebu for a month last year and everytime i was in ayala, id look at these. NOW THEY'RE ON SALE! yun nga lang im not supposed to spend unnecessarily... so i gues ill have to wait...
Tuesday, March 14
gym gym gym
trying to get back to the habit of going to the gym. im not really sure if i ever had the habit, but bottomline, i want to try and be more responsible in going to the gym.
im used to working out with a group since back in college i have my teamates to work out with. we never really used our gym privilege and basically exercised together in between runs. so working out alone is really a bummer for me. i would most likely not go to the gym if i know ill be alone. haha.
but anyway, habits can still change. :p
lookign forward to Nike Rockstar Workout later... promise to work up a sweat!
im used to working out with a group since back in college i have my teamates to work out with. we never really used our gym privilege and basically exercised together in between runs. so working out alone is really a bummer for me. i would most likely not go to the gym if i know ill be alone. haha.
but anyway, habits can still change. :p
lookign forward to Nike Rockstar Workout later... promise to work up a sweat!
make me feel useful
bakit feeling ko lagi na lang ako last to know? and im not given chances to be of use? palagi na lang 'if you only knew'... buti pa ibang tao, nauna pa maka-alam..
well, ill have to respect your decision. those are your secrets and problems and its up to you what you want to share with whom. i guess thats the most i can do as your friend... take every opportunity that you give me to be a friend to you. but i will not deny it to myself that it hurts and frustrates me. feeling ko conditional friendship. na there are things na off limits for me. ops, hanggang djan ka lang. alanganin. ang feeling ko helpless and useless ako. na feeling ko lagi ako naka-abang for every spare opportunity to be able to be your friend.
honestly, these are the things that are hardest for me to understand. i pray to God that you let me be the friend for you that i want to be. let me be 'of use' to you. maybe this way, i am... pero feeling ko im kept at bay.
i hope you dont get to read this because i really would not want to add to your problems. im just putting my thoughs and feelings into words so hopefully its easier for me to move on from here. the last thing i want to do is give up.
well, ill have to respect your decision. those are your secrets and problems and its up to you what you want to share with whom. i guess thats the most i can do as your friend... take every opportunity that you give me to be a friend to you. but i will not deny it to myself that it hurts and frustrates me. feeling ko conditional friendship. na there are things na off limits for me. ops, hanggang djan ka lang. alanganin. ang feeling ko helpless and useless ako. na feeling ko lagi ako naka-abang for every spare opportunity to be able to be your friend.
honestly, these are the things that are hardest for me to understand. i pray to God that you let me be the friend for you that i want to be. let me be 'of use' to you. maybe this way, i am... pero feeling ko im kept at bay.
i hope you dont get to read this because i really would not want to add to your problems. im just putting my thoughs and feelings into words so hopefully its easier for me to move on from here. the last thing i want to do is give up.
Monday, March 13
my 'true color'
Angel, your true color is Orange!
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.
What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle
Friday, March 10
true blue atenean
got this off Lee's blog... mini-walk down ADMU memory lane. id forgotten how happy college was!
(X) eat at Manang's --- liempo is the best. i used to get 3 cups of rice with 2 orders fo the liempo. yum. pork chop is great too!
(X) learn the alma mater -- of course... ive had to sing it countless times!
( ) get on the dean's list --- missed it by .04
( ) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk
(X) be a TNT (Talks 'n' Tours sa ORSEM)! --- TNTs rock!!!!
(X) jog around the campus in the evening --- for training..
(X) visit the art gallery --- maybe a total of 3 times only
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher
( ) itch from higad bites --- i kinda feel bad i didnt get higad... haha. considering doghouse pa tambayan ko! teka, di naman nangangagat ang higad ah!
(X) have gotten an F in something --- Ma19! bwahahaha. me and calculus dont mix.
(X) have taken a crap in school --- really dont remember, but knowing me, i probabyl have... SEC yan or library!
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game --- watched almost all the games when in was in college! haha. talk about die hard. lee is correct.. its teh most exciting and stressfull thing!
(X) give a powerpoint presentation --- towards the graduating years...
(X) study in the caf upstairs --- just because its aircon, there's TV, and for a time bottomless drinks!
(X) watch a T.A play --- for class... not bad. alfred vargas was all i could remember. joke.
(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars --- yep... nakaka-senti talaga.
(X) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford -- ken affort sisig, full house chicken kiev, and martha's stroganoff on pasta with iced tea (default meal after training!!!)
(X) sleep in the lib --- once or twice lang. the rare times im asleep at school its either at the doghouse or before training.
(X) visit Mr. San Andres --- not because i was in trouble, i forgot why lang..
(X) go to the chapel --- of course!!!!
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie --- mostly during freshman year...
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers --- best 'D' from Fr Dacanay.. then there's Bobby Guevarra and Astoria... astiiiig. i got so many of them pala. not bad!
( ) go to CERSA night
(X) have tried siomai rice --- cheap meal but super sarap. i think ill go get one soon. :p
( ) learn how to smoke --- i learned highschool
(X) fall in love --- hahahaha. okay, fine.. i did.
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib --- i know i read a couple...
(X) play cards during your free time -- bridge with the doggies! 4 no trump! marunong pa kaya ako?
(X) dress in business attire
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight -- a few times.. comes with being a crammer
(?) have gotten side comments from ASSOC --- maybe... i really wouldnt know
(X) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes -- i took at least one (LM11 Obli Con ata.) i dont think i ever enjoyed it.
(X) go to your immersion --- Tuy, Batangas... sugarcane farmers. Purfirio and Juana the worms!
(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches -- pang alis umay sa siomai rice or pag tamad pumuntang manangs... ham and cheese or BLT
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend --- sorry... it wasnt meant to be
(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
(X) watch "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class -- and "Toro!" i forgot which class that was...
(X) do a last minute paper (like 2 hours before it's due) --- every sem it happens
(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers' seat plans) --- i really dont get why they cant return these after!
( ) get exempted from final exams -- i dont think i did... except PE.. but thats cause i was varsity.
(X) attend a college mass
(X) promise to quit smoking --- all the time!
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -- anong klaseng trip yan?! ive beent here ONCE. only for class
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus --- SEC, CTC, Library and Moro Lorenzo!!!
(X) join an org
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate) --- isnt that what school is for?
(X) take summer classes --- always did... part ng curriculum e!
(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (and if you're lucky, you might just see a vision of Mama Mary or so they say!) --- never saw her though.
(X) make a video for a project --- Lawrz and Angel the porn stars!!! hahaha.
( ) have a crush on a teacher --- i dont remember...
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat --- wouldve wanted to.. actually, i still would want to!
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes --- everyday. hahaha. joke.
(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones --- out of desperation
(X) participate in school activities
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts --- of course!
(X) date an Atenean --- wouldnt really consider it dating.. pero sige na rin.
(X) ride a tricycle on campus --all the time
(X) find a tambayan -- doghouse!!
( ) admire the marikina valley at night
(X) go drinking along Katipunan -- all the time. practically lived there for 4 years... naabutan ko pa yung The Strip.
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade --- just to get my dean's list... which i didnt get pa rin.
(X) use your cuts wisely -- saved all my cuts for UAAP games!
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg -- but i still managed to get good classes for those that i couldnt get sa early varsity reg
(X) admire the trees on campus --- can i bring home Bel Field?
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class --- hehe.
(X) eat in the ISO canteen --- sisig is good too
(X) be active in your org --- mostly for BBB
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it --- there's no telling who is in which class! plus i always end up getting the olats ones so i can attend practice and the games. okay lang.. andun naman crush ko sa games e. :p
(X) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(X) learn how to cram (and still get As) --- learn how to cram, yes. get As... not all the time
(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere --- walang kamatayan!
(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes --- just to supplement mine
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session --- ay, never
(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge
(X) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa
(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus
(X) develop a love for sisig
(X) learn how to pronounce AEGIS properly
(X) have used typing rooms at the library --- crammers
(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
(X) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
( ) have used consultation hours properly
(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
(X) visit the Guidance Office --- for INTAC
(X) and Infirmary
(X) eat at Manang's --- liempo is the best. i used to get 3 cups of rice with 2 orders fo the liempo. yum. pork chop is great too!
(X) learn the alma mater -- of course... ive had to sing it countless times!
( ) get on the dean's list --- missed it by .04
( ) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk
(X) be a TNT (Talks 'n' Tours sa ORSEM)! --- TNTs rock!!!!
(X) jog around the campus in the evening --- for training..
(X) visit the art gallery --- maybe a total of 3 times only
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher
( ) itch from higad bites --- i kinda feel bad i didnt get higad... haha. considering doghouse pa tambayan ko! teka, di naman nangangagat ang higad ah!
(X) have gotten an F in something --- Ma19! bwahahaha. me and calculus dont mix.
(X) have taken a crap in school --- really dont remember, but knowing me, i probabyl have... SEC yan or library!
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game --- watched almost all the games when in was in college! haha. talk about die hard. lee is correct.. its teh most exciting and stressfull thing!
(X) give a powerpoint presentation --- towards the graduating years...
(X) study in the caf upstairs --- just because its aircon, there's TV, and for a time bottomless drinks!
(X) watch a T.A play --- for class... not bad. alfred vargas was all i could remember. joke.
(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars --- yep... nakaka-senti talaga.
(X) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford -- ken affort sisig, full house chicken kiev, and martha's stroganoff on pasta with iced tea (default meal after training!!!)
(X) sleep in the lib --- once or twice lang. the rare times im asleep at school its either at the doghouse or before training.
(X) visit Mr. San Andres --- not because i was in trouble, i forgot why lang..
(X) go to the chapel --- of course!!!!
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie --- mostly during freshman year...
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers --- best 'D' from Fr Dacanay.. then there's Bobby Guevarra and Astoria... astiiiig. i got so many of them pala. not bad!
( ) go to CERSA night
(X) have tried siomai rice --- cheap meal but super sarap. i think ill go get one soon. :p
( ) learn how to smoke --- i learned highschool
(X) fall in love --- hahahaha. okay, fine.. i did.
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib --- i know i read a couple...
(X) play cards during your free time -- bridge with the doggies! 4 no trump! marunong pa kaya ako?
(X) dress in business attire
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight -- a few times.. comes with being a crammer
(?) have gotten side comments from ASSOC --- maybe... i really wouldnt know
(X) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes -- i took at least one (LM11 Obli Con ata.) i dont think i ever enjoyed it.
(X) go to your immersion --- Tuy, Batangas... sugarcane farmers. Purfirio and Juana the worms!
(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches -- pang alis umay sa siomai rice or pag tamad pumuntang manangs... ham and cheese or BLT
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend --- sorry... it wasnt meant to be
(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
(X) watch "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class -- and "Toro!" i forgot which class that was...
(X) do a last minute paper (like 2 hours before it's due) --- every sem it happens
(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers' seat plans) --- i really dont get why they cant return these after!
( ) get exempted from final exams -- i dont think i did... except PE.. but thats cause i was varsity.
(X) attend a college mass
(X) promise to quit smoking --- all the time!
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -- anong klaseng trip yan?! ive beent here ONCE. only for class
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus --- SEC, CTC, Library and Moro Lorenzo!!!
(X) join an org
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate) --- isnt that what school is for?
(X) take summer classes --- always did... part ng curriculum e!
(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (and if you're lucky, you might just see a vision of Mama Mary or so they say!) --- never saw her though.
(X) make a video for a project --- Lawrz and Angel the porn stars!!! hahaha.
( ) have a crush on a teacher --- i dont remember...
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat --- wouldve wanted to.. actually, i still would want to!
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes --- everyday. hahaha. joke.
(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones --- out of desperation
(X) participate in school activities
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts --- of course!
(X) date an Atenean --- wouldnt really consider it dating.. pero sige na rin.
(X) ride a tricycle on campus --all the time
(X) find a tambayan -- doghouse!!
( ) admire the marikina valley at night
(X) go drinking along Katipunan -- all the time. practically lived there for 4 years... naabutan ko pa yung The Strip.
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade --- just to get my dean's list... which i didnt get pa rin.
(X) use your cuts wisely -- saved all my cuts for UAAP games!
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg -- but i still managed to get good classes for those that i couldnt get sa early varsity reg
(X) admire the trees on campus --- can i bring home Bel Field?
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class --- hehe.
(X) eat in the ISO canteen --- sisig is good too
(X) be active in your org --- mostly for BBB
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it --- there's no telling who is in which class! plus i always end up getting the olats ones so i can attend practice and the games. okay lang.. andun naman crush ko sa games e. :p
(X) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(X) learn how to cram (and still get As) --- learn how to cram, yes. get As... not all the time
(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere --- walang kamatayan!
(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes --- just to supplement mine
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session --- ay, never
(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge
(X) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa
(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus
(X) develop a love for sisig
(X) learn how to pronounce AEGIS properly
(X) have used typing rooms at the library --- crammers
(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
(X) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
( ) have used consultation hours properly
(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
(X) visit the Guidance Office --- for INTAC
(X) and Infirmary
Monday, March 6
parada ng mga manang
(written sometime during the weekend)
today i honestly got scared id end up an old maid, and live with other old maid friends.
i know i usually joke about being single, or complain about it, but deep inside i was still okay with it. but today, as a friend left with her boyfriend, and some others with their respective husbands, i felt real fear. it was as if i was given a sneak preview of how it feels to be past thirty and single (still). but im not giving up. i will brush this aside and go on keeping myself busy.
today i honestly got scared id end up an old maid, and live with other old maid friends.
i know i usually joke about being single, or complain about it, but deep inside i was still okay with it. but today, as a friend left with her boyfriend, and some others with their respective husbands, i felt real fear. it was as if i was given a sneak preview of how it feels to be past thirty and single (still). but im not giving up. i will brush this aside and go on keeping myself busy.
Friday, March 3
mega nega
i get pissed easily these days. i hate it. i hope its just hormones. i know its up to me to not let it be that way, but sometimes you just cant help what you feel. thats just the way it is. and its not always good to deny nor keep it to yourself. although in my case, that might be the best idea at this point.
im mega nega. well, mostly when im at the office... once im out, im much better.
im mega nega. well, mostly when im at the office... once im out, im much better.
breaking up is hard to do
sabi nila, mas madali daw makipag-break pag may kapalit na. una-unahan lang yan.
minsan kasi hindi ka na talaga masaya sa kung nasaan ka at kung ano yung mga nangyayari sa iyo.
minsan hindi mo na rin makita sarili mo sa kinabukasan na tutunguhan nung kalagayan mo ngayon.
minsan malungkot ka lang at nararamdaman mong may mas higit pang para sa yo.
para sa akin. ang mahalaga yung bumubuti ka. lahat ng pagdadaaanan mo, dapat masasabing mong bubuti ako.
pano naman kung pare-pareho na lang ang mga nangyayari araw araw?
pano naman kung wala ka nang magawa kung di umangal nga umangal kasi sawa ka na?
pano naman kung ang mga nakukuha mo sa araw-araw e yung mga bagay na nakakasira sa mga paninindigan mo?
sa tingin ko, hindi pagiging makasarili ang isipin mo kung saan mo gusto pumunta ang buhay mo.
makinig ka sa sarili mo... isipin mo rin ang sarili mo... gumalaw ka para sa sarili mo.
minsan kasi hindi ka na talaga masaya sa kung nasaan ka at kung ano yung mga nangyayari sa iyo.
minsan hindi mo na rin makita sarili mo sa kinabukasan na tutunguhan nung kalagayan mo ngayon.
minsan malungkot ka lang at nararamdaman mong may mas higit pang para sa yo.
para sa akin. ang mahalaga yung bumubuti ka. lahat ng pagdadaaanan mo, dapat masasabing mong bubuti ako.
pano naman kung pare-pareho na lang ang mga nangyayari araw araw?
pano naman kung wala ka nang magawa kung di umangal nga umangal kasi sawa ka na?
pano naman kung ang mga nakukuha mo sa araw-araw e yung mga bagay na nakakasira sa mga paninindigan mo?
sa tingin ko, hindi pagiging makasarili ang isipin mo kung saan mo gusto pumunta ang buhay mo.
makinig ka sa sarili mo... isipin mo rin ang sarili mo... gumalaw ka para sa sarili mo.
Thursday, March 2
feeling numb again
weird things going on lately. i havent been getting decent sleep the past three days... i sleep past midnight and have been waking up every hour after that. but when its time to wake up, im out cold like a hybernating bear. no, its not the PBB 24/7 channel that we recently got. i think it might have something to do with some unwanted feelings and thoughts ive been fighting off. they're there but i cant explain why or where they came from. so... I deadma.
i think ive been doing a good job... i havent told a single person about them and that should speak for itself! for those who know me well enough, im a talker. and for me to will myself to keep quiet is rare.
so anyway, im back to the feeling of numbness that i think ive written about already in the past. basta, if you ask me right now... as in RIGHT NOW... im not happy. (but im not sad either... haha.)
enough vague babbling...
i think ive been doing a good job... i havent told a single person about them and that should speak for itself! for those who know me well enough, im a talker. and for me to will myself to keep quiet is rare.
so anyway, im back to the feeling of numbness that i think ive written about already in the past. basta, if you ask me right now... as in RIGHT NOW... im not happy. (but im not sad either... haha.)
enough vague babbling...
Friday, February 24
an irony and a myth
funny how earlier i was talking about what makes me happy these days, and now i find myself feeling the exact opposite.
things are about to get nasty. REALLY NASTY. and they say im a good AE.
what makes a good AE?
its not her juggling skills, nor her ability to keep a pleasant face... its her support groups. they are the ones making things happen for the so-called "great AE". without good support groups, she is nothing. if you go straight to the bone of the matter, the solutions dont come from the AE, they come from elsewhere... she is merely there to store knowledge from past experiences... to "parrot" options to whoever is concerned when push comes to shove... it doesnt take any special person to be a good AE. the truth is, a "good AE" is a myth... a ploy to motivate and encourage.
there is no "good AE".. only good support groups.
things are about to get nasty. REALLY NASTY. and they say im a good AE.
what makes a good AE?
its not her juggling skills, nor her ability to keep a pleasant face... its her support groups. they are the ones making things happen for the so-called "great AE". without good support groups, she is nothing. if you go straight to the bone of the matter, the solutions dont come from the AE, they come from elsewhere... she is merely there to store knowledge from past experiences... to "parrot" options to whoever is concerned when push comes to shove... it doesnt take any special person to be a good AE. the truth is, a "good AE" is a myth... a ploy to motivate and encourage.
there is no "good AE".. only good support groups.
anong meron ang taong happy?
what makes me feel happy and accomplished these days?
- leaving the office on time
- being able to 'pagpag' (watch movie, have dinner with friends, go to the salon, shop a bit, walk around)
- although sometimes going straight home isnt as bad too!
- be home in time to catch my local tv shows (my bonding time with my mom)
my 'happy pills' have really changed. nakakatuwa.
____
READ
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- leaving the office on time
- being able to 'pagpag' (watch movie, have dinner with friends, go to the salon, shop a bit, walk around)
- although sometimes going straight home isnt as bad too!
- be home in time to catch my local tv shows (my bonding time with my mom)
my 'happy pills' have really changed. nakakatuwa.
____
READ
_____
Monday, February 20
"these are a few of my favorite sins..."
GLUTTONY
saturday was a gastronomic day. its not the quantity of food we ate, but more on the quality of food. too much good food for one day. had breakfast at UCC, ate Theobroma ice cream, and Prince of Jaipur lunch. Ordinary meals if you think about it, but they were just so yummy!!!! so damn yummy. by the end of the day, i was walking like a drunkard, bumping into mel going up the stairs, losing my balance every 5 steps. what a day. what a happy happy happy day.
SLOTH
sunday was a day spent in bed... literally. i got out of bed only for a few things: meals, to get munchies, go to the bathroom, and go to mass. otherwise, i was in bed watching TV. i DID walk to church though.. so i wasnt as tamad as i could be.
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when pasts come a-haunting.
1. THE EX.
two weeks ago, i got relieved to get a nasty text message from my ex saying he will never talk to me ever again. kasi daw ive changed, mabilis ko na daw sya pinalitan, and all that sappy dramatic almost telenovela script type crap. (ey, if you think im sappy, let me introduce you to my ex. haha.) i was relieved because i really had no urge to attend to his issues in life. as in i just wanted him to leave me alone. for the first time, i really really wanted to forget this person and not even be friends with him. whats tha point kasi. to him, as long as we're friends, may pag-asa pang magkabalikan... NOT!
anyway, saturday he texts me again. and i ignore to death. come night time, he calls (not ring in the hope i return his 'ring'.... CALLS until the voice recording says 'the subscriber choochoo...) anyway, he calls non-stop. and i continue to ignore. he send me this sappy message again and big mistake, i texted him to call again. so he did and i gave this big fat lie of being sick so he'd stop calling and i could get some sleep. which i did.. thank God.
the next morning, i pay for my response... he texts and texts and texts and texts and calls and calls and calls and calls... asking if im okay, why i got sick, i should take care of myself daw, get some rest, drink medicines, call in sick today, etc. kainis. so i deadma.
then he drops the bomb. texts me asking that i tell him outright if there's no chance of being to gether again... na he came here to manila hoping we could see each other and ask me back. HELLO!!!! one year na kami break no. so i gave my straightforward and honest response. i wont go into details of that anymore... but we texted a bit more just so i could somewhat steer him in the right direction of FINALLY getting over me.
hopefully this is the end of this. im tired of feeling the guilt i feel whenever he reminds me that I left him.. I broke up with him, I didnt give him another chance, I "gave up". enough is enough. hopefully he'll be able to move on na talaga.
2. THE FIRST CRUSH
my first crush was my neighbor... we never became anything more than friends... funny funny memories. my best friend's ex is his neighbor and cousin (i think). he was my escort when my friends FORCED me to join the village Santacruzan because their moms wouldnt allow them without me. (quick background: at that time yung mga boyfriend nila at yung crush ko, iisang barkada.. and we all lived on the same street.). he was my prom date. he was my first kiss (stop cringing! its true and i cant do anything to change it).
anyway, the story is.. i just find it funny he's 'around' again. haha. that's all im going to say for now. haha.
new photos at my multiply site!
saturday was a gastronomic day. its not the quantity of food we ate, but more on the quality of food. too much good food for one day. had breakfast at UCC, ate Theobroma ice cream, and Prince of Jaipur lunch. Ordinary meals if you think about it, but they were just so yummy!!!! so damn yummy. by the end of the day, i was walking like a drunkard, bumping into mel going up the stairs, losing my balance every 5 steps. what a day. what a happy happy happy day.
SLOTH
sunday was a day spent in bed... literally. i got out of bed only for a few things: meals, to get munchies, go to the bathroom, and go to mass. otherwise, i was in bed watching TV. i DID walk to church though.. so i wasnt as tamad as i could be.
----------------------------
when pasts come a-haunting.
1. THE EX.
two weeks ago, i got relieved to get a nasty text message from my ex saying he will never talk to me ever again. kasi daw ive changed, mabilis ko na daw sya pinalitan, and all that sappy dramatic almost telenovela script type crap. (ey, if you think im sappy, let me introduce you to my ex. haha.) i was relieved because i really had no urge to attend to his issues in life. as in i just wanted him to leave me alone. for the first time, i really really wanted to forget this person and not even be friends with him. whats tha point kasi. to him, as long as we're friends, may pag-asa pang magkabalikan... NOT!
anyway, saturday he texts me again. and i ignore to death. come night time, he calls (not ring in the hope i return his 'ring'.... CALLS until the voice recording says 'the subscriber choochoo...) anyway, he calls non-stop. and i continue to ignore. he send me this sappy message again and big mistake, i texted him to call again. so he did and i gave this big fat lie of being sick so he'd stop calling and i could get some sleep. which i did.. thank God.
the next morning, i pay for my response... he texts and texts and texts and texts and calls and calls and calls and calls... asking if im okay, why i got sick, i should take care of myself daw, get some rest, drink medicines, call in sick today, etc. kainis. so i deadma.
then he drops the bomb. texts me asking that i tell him outright if there's no chance of being to gether again... na he came here to manila hoping we could see each other and ask me back. HELLO!!!! one year na kami break no. so i gave my straightforward and honest response. i wont go into details of that anymore... but we texted a bit more just so i could somewhat steer him in the right direction of FINALLY getting over me.
hopefully this is the end of this. im tired of feeling the guilt i feel whenever he reminds me that I left him.. I broke up with him, I didnt give him another chance, I "gave up". enough is enough. hopefully he'll be able to move on na talaga.
2. THE FIRST CRUSH
my first crush was my neighbor... we never became anything more than friends... funny funny memories. my best friend's ex is his neighbor and cousin (i think). he was my escort when my friends FORCED me to join the village Santacruzan because their moms wouldnt allow them without me. (quick background: at that time yung mga boyfriend nila at yung crush ko, iisang barkada.. and we all lived on the same street.). he was my prom date. he was my first kiss (stop cringing! its true and i cant do anything to change it).
anyway, the story is.. i just find it funny he's 'around' again. haha. that's all im going to say for now. haha.
new photos at my multiply site!
Thursday, February 16
My Johari's Window
Someone sent this to me over YM... its supposed to help me get to know myself better. Hmm....
Arena(known to self and others) caring, complex, friendly, loving, sentimental | Blind Spot(known only to others) able, cheerful, confident, dependable, energetic, extroverted, giving, helpful, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgable, mature, organised, relaxed, responsive, self-assertive, sensible, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, witty |
Façade(known only to self) self-conscious | Unknown(known to nobody) accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, clever, dignified, happy, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, logical, modest, nervous, observant, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, religious, searching, shy, tense, wise |
All Percentages
able (9%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (27%) cheerful (27%) clever (0%) complex (27%) confident (27%) dependable (18%) dignified (0%) energetic (9%) extroverted (27%) friendly (27%) giving (18%) happy (0%) helpful (27%) idealistic (0%) independent (27%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (18%) introverted (0%) kind (18%) knowledgable (9%) logical (0%) loving (27%) mature (9%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (18%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (9%) religious (0%) responsive (18%) searching (0%) self-assertive (9%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (9%) sentimental (36%) shy (0%) silly (9%) spontaneous (18%) sympathetic (9%) tense (0%) trustworthy (36%) warm (9%) wise (0%) witty (18%)
Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.2.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Angel Tanchoco's full data.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Angel Tanchoco's full data.
Sunday, February 5
im still alive
magpaparamdam lang ako since now is the only time i have to sit and do something for myself since my fieldwork started last feb 1.
ive been to the ins and outs of guadalupe and maybunga area in pasig.. now im here in cebu. ive been around.. and by 'around' i mean sinuyod na namin lahat ng kalye sa area namin. mainit, nakakapagod at nakakaloka. nagtatawanan na lang kami para di kami maawa sa sarili namin. ang hirap pala nito! tomorrow i fly to davao... after that, i take the weekend off then its probably dagupan next. hehe.
im taking this time to TRY and reflect on some things.. i tried writing some thoughts on some stuff last thursday but i havent gotten around to finishing it.. ill post it here when im done.. and if i think its share-able.
anyhoo, nagaparamdam lang ako... buhay pa po ako. kahit na in a day average of 5 times ako in almost-car crashes. its funny. the first one is the funniest... from the airport, we took a cab and i sat in front (kasi ayaw ko katabi client ko sa likod)... dude! the driver was freaking snoring while driving! nabibitawan na nya manibela and minsan yung kambyo! promise minsan ang bilis namin tas biglang mag swerve kasi mabibitawan nya. tas ang baho pa ng breath nya. exag.. smells something like someones breath pag nalasing at nakasuka na. ew. ew. ew. so anyway, we made an emergency stop ar SM cebu to change cabs... kaloka.
ill try to be back real soon... ill write tons of stuff about my trip. hahaha.
i miss you guys. text nyo naman ako once in a while... hindi naman bawal... i encourage you actually... hahaha.
ive been to the ins and outs of guadalupe and maybunga area in pasig.. now im here in cebu. ive been around.. and by 'around' i mean sinuyod na namin lahat ng kalye sa area namin. mainit, nakakapagod at nakakaloka. nagtatawanan na lang kami para di kami maawa sa sarili namin. ang hirap pala nito! tomorrow i fly to davao... after that, i take the weekend off then its probably dagupan next. hehe.
im taking this time to TRY and reflect on some things.. i tried writing some thoughts on some stuff last thursday but i havent gotten around to finishing it.. ill post it here when im done.. and if i think its share-able.
anyhoo, nagaparamdam lang ako... buhay pa po ako. kahit na in a day average of 5 times ako in almost-car crashes. its funny. the first one is the funniest... from the airport, we took a cab and i sat in front (kasi ayaw ko katabi client ko sa likod)... dude! the driver was freaking snoring while driving! nabibitawan na nya manibela and minsan yung kambyo! promise minsan ang bilis namin tas biglang mag swerve kasi mabibitawan nya. tas ang baho pa ng breath nya. exag.. smells something like someones breath pag nalasing at nakasuka na. ew. ew. ew. so anyway, we made an emergency stop ar SM cebu to change cabs... kaloka.
ill try to be back real soon... ill write tons of stuff about my trip. hahaha.
i miss you guys. text nyo naman ako once in a while... hindi naman bawal... i encourage you actually... hahaha.
Tuesday, January 31
haunting past: a return of the comeback
my ex is in town and he's been harassing me to meet up with him. ayaw ko nga!
its been a few days since he first made his presence felt, and ive had time to think of exactly WHY i dont want to see him. no, im not 'affected' up to now. no, im not scared ill realize i still have feelings for him. its been almost a year since i got over him... and longer than that since we broke up.
here's what i think is the reason is: he reminds me of the 'me' i never want to be again (forever and ever and ever and ever and ever). sure he's a good person (in all fairness and equality), and i still get guilty for fleeting moments, but i still dont want to have anything more to do with him than occasional texts. ive said it more than once before... ive reduced that part of my life into a list of learnings. no more, no less. call me an ungrateful, cold-hearted bitch but thats the honest truth. no sense in carrying anything more than that.
now i feel like im hiding from a stalker. he texts me like its the only thing he does. and since saturday, ive refused to text him back. he says he'll wait for me at the lobby of our building or at the terminal where i get my shuttle to get home. he wont take 'no' for an answer!!! im getting impatient with this. suddenly i welcome my out of town work if only to rest from the feeling of being followed wherever i go.
its been a few days since he first made his presence felt, and ive had time to think of exactly WHY i dont want to see him. no, im not 'affected' up to now. no, im not scared ill realize i still have feelings for him. its been almost a year since i got over him... and longer than that since we broke up.
here's what i think is the reason is: he reminds me of the 'me' i never want to be again (forever and ever and ever and ever and ever). sure he's a good person (in all fairness and equality), and i still get guilty for fleeting moments, but i still dont want to have anything more to do with him than occasional texts. ive said it more than once before... ive reduced that part of my life into a list of learnings. no more, no less. call me an ungrateful, cold-hearted bitch but thats the honest truth. no sense in carrying anything more than that.
now i feel like im hiding from a stalker. he texts me like its the only thing he does. and since saturday, ive refused to text him back. he says he'll wait for me at the lobby of our building or at the terminal where i get my shuttle to get home. he wont take 'no' for an answer!!! im getting impatient with this. suddenly i welcome my out of town work if only to rest from the feeling of being followed wherever i go.
Friday, January 27
is that for real?!
there are just some things that catch you by surprise and you and up smiling like a geek the whole morning.
on our way to work, somewhere along buendia, i was looking around when something unusual caught my eye. at first i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but after a few seconds of staring, i knew it was for real. thank God i had my camera and i was able to steal some neat photos. see for yourself.....
commuting tabby?!?!?!?! maybe he's in town to promote the sequel to his movie or something. hahaha. cute no? it really looks like he's 'nakadungaw'! haaaay.
on our way to work, somewhere along buendia, i was looking around when something unusual caught my eye. at first i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but after a few seconds of staring, i knew it was for real. thank God i had my camera and i was able to steal some neat photos. see for yourself.....
commuting tabby?!?!?!?! maybe he's in town to promote the sequel to his movie or something. hahaha. cute no? it really looks like he's 'nakadungaw'! haaaay.
Wednesday, January 25
My Movie Star Double
I took the test on tickle.com:
Angel, your movie star double is Jennifer Lopez
A magnetic maven like you needs to be played by someone who knows how to get an audience's attention — and keep it. That's why Jennifer Lopez would be a great leading lady in the movie of your life. You've got a certain star quality that makes people applaud whatever you decide to put your energy into. Regardless of whether you match J Lo's glamorous look, her mega-diva glow will help translate your stunning charisma to the silver screen.Back in high school, were you the one in the spotlight — star of the school play, student council president, and popular girl around town? Well, with your charms, you should have been. There's just something about you that has people screaming for more. But that's a good thing since you probably thrive when you're being social, surrounded by people, or getting out and about.If some people perceive you as high maintenance, you can just tell them that you have high expectations. If you're willing to work so hard on yourself, why can't other people do the same? So get ready for the new cast in the movie of your life headed by none other than J Lo herself.
Angel, your movie star double is Jennifer Lopez
A magnetic maven like you needs to be played by someone who knows how to get an audience's attention — and keep it. That's why Jennifer Lopez would be a great leading lady in the movie of your life. You've got a certain star quality that makes people applaud whatever you decide to put your energy into. Regardless of whether you match J Lo's glamorous look, her mega-diva glow will help translate your stunning charisma to the silver screen.Back in high school, were you the one in the spotlight — star of the school play, student council president, and popular girl around town? Well, with your charms, you should have been. There's just something about you that has people screaming for more. But that's a good thing since you probably thrive when you're being social, surrounded by people, or getting out and about.If some people perceive you as high maintenance, you can just tell them that you have high expectations. If you're willing to work so hard on yourself, why can't other people do the same? So get ready for the new cast in the movie of your life headed by none other than J Lo herself.
Tuesday, January 24
'thank-you' post and other stuff
funny how things come not when you want them to, but when you will be able to use it the most.
what i mean is that sometimes when we feel bad or unsure of things, we look for reassurance from the people around us. and the truth of the matter is that we wont always get it. sometimes we hear what we want to hear when we 'fish' for it. other times, the reassurance doesnt come when you want it to... it comes when things are okay already.. or when things are getting better.
thats exactly what happened to me. and im happy i got them when i did. actions may speak louder than words but you can never go wrong with just saying it.
Pau and Mel: you guys made my day... my week even! you know how much i appreciate hearing these things from people who mean the world to me... and although mel's reassurance came when i least expected it (i wasnt even asking for it entirely!), i realize how much more valuable it is to me.
Mel: ikaw talaga, you know me too well... even better that i do ata! your timing is impeccable. i had no idea that card was going to be there.. thank you. although i was wondering why you were insisting on dropping by sa house.. usually naman you're not as insistent. haha. i still cry when i read it. you have no idea how much reading those words mean to me. most of them ive been wanting to hear lang just to be sure i have the right things in mind... ayaw ko naman maging presumptuous. you're right... we're not cheesy friends.. im least cheesy with you and pau. hahaha. tigas nyo e! hahaha. but seriously, id thank you for everything but i think i owe God more thanks for letting me keep you.
Pau: thanks for that text you sent a few weeks back. i needed that... obvious bang fishing ako? thanks because i can still hold on to you for strength so my emotions wont get the best of me. mahal na talaga kita, wala ka nang magagawa. bwahahaha. AT kahit na i-deny mo, what you said during lunch will probably keep me smiling throughout the week. you dont have to say it in the words mel did, but i get what you mean. thanks ah... means a lot to me. lalo na considering you're not the type to say those liberally. hahaha.
enough pagpapa-girl! im just REALLY happy right now.. you guys make me happy. :D walang drama ah. just being honest.
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enough pagpapa-girl! im just REALLY happy right now.. you guys make me happy. :D walang drama ah. just being honest.
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UPDATE ON MY DIET: ate CPK salad for lunch... my favorite! but i took out the tortilla strips.. at least as much as i could. yung iba di ko na talaga matanggal.. i put less than half of the dressing that came with it. i wasnt able to finish everything but at least i still have something to eat when i get hungry later. so far so good! thank GOd i have 'bantays' like pau and mel. kung hindi mega-cheater! haha. low EQ...
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I posted this comment on one of my previous entries. the one about me being busy this feb.. i think it deserves to be part of an entry and not just a comment...
ay nako... by the look of things... i might have *jinxed* this... o well... my turn will come.OR maybe its a sign that its time to move on...
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