bakit feeling ko lagi na lang ako last to know? and im not given chances to be of use? palagi na lang 'if you only knew'... buti pa ibang tao, nauna pa maka-alam..
well, ill have to respect your decision. those are your secrets and problems and its up to you what you want to share with whom. i guess thats the most i can do as your friend... take every opportunity that you give me to be a friend to you. but i will not deny it to myself that it hurts and frustrates me. feeling ko conditional friendship. na there are things na off limits for me. ops, hanggang djan ka lang. alanganin. ang feeling ko helpless and useless ako. na feeling ko lagi ako naka-abang for every spare opportunity to be able to be your friend.
honestly, these are the things that are hardest for me to understand. i pray to God that you let me be the friend for you that i want to be. let me be 'of use' to you. maybe this way, i am... pero feeling ko im kept at bay.
i hope you dont get to read this because i really would not want to add to your problems. im just putting my thoughs and feelings into words so hopefully its easier for me to move on from here. the last thing i want to do is give up.
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