lugmok

its been over a week since i got back to work.. and its only now that ive really been able to write anything. the amount of things that have poured in for everyone at the office is crazy. i guess my timing for vacation was perfect afterall. more about work later... so what has changed for me since i got back?

aside from being "rested", i think i can honestly say i can think clearly now in contrast to the bleak mind i had prior to me hiatus.im a bit more sure now of where i should take my life and when to make them. for now, a lot of preparations are underway... calls here and there... getting in touch with old friends... you know, stuff. of course there are still moments where i feel confused and maybe a bit scared, but those moments dont last longer than a day.

on this particualr personal concern, i feel like im okay. i feel like ive hurdled the worst... well, at least i hope i have. it actually came as a surprise. initially i was still 'nakikiramdam' if thing have or havent changed the way i hoped they would. in the short time that ive been observing, i was slowly getting the feeling that they have changed (almost) exactly the way i wanted them to... wasnt sure i was happy about it... felt a bit strange more than anything. but i wasnt concluding anything just yet. who knows if ive only managed to supress things and eventually the shocking and almost sad truth might reveal itself. so i take it one day at a time. so far, ive had more good days than bad. good job! ive decided not to have much concsious thinking about it... i tend to over-analyze and be melodramatic when i think too much.

the past few days (maybe weeks), ive been finding it hard to fall asleep... id usually end up sleeping 2am or later than that... if not, id fall asleep but wake up every hour. so, this week has been bad. id be ultra mega groggy here at work and by some reason be wide awake as soon as i get home. bad, bad, bad. i dont think it would look right for someone who just came from a 2-week break to be sleepy everyday at work on her second week back. everyone has their own theories on why im turning into an insomniac: lack of nutrition because "i havent been eating healthy", my TV addiction, i keep thinking about 'someone', etc etc etc. whaever it is, im going to need to be energetic by next week.

vins and sam are back at the house. i just love taking care of those two.. such sweet kids... most of the time. haha. looking forward to more 'sleepovers' with them this summer. :p

now about work... where do i begin? haha. its really a bad combination for me to have SOOOOOO much stuff to do, and to lack sleep. the new things to do come as fast as when i accomplish my existing list. PLUS! despite having an OJT around to help, i cant pass on much to her... not with all the confidential and critical items on my list.

which reminds me... you know how some people are consistently 'malas' with some things? like some people seem to always lose or break things, some seem to attract the same kind of guys... i, on the other hand, seem to be 'malas' with contracts these days... one problem after another!!!! why me?! i hope this is just a coincidence or at most a temporary thing. goodness gracious.

time to take a break... i know i dont deserve a break given all the urgent things on my list, but im just too damn sleepy right now.