I may have lost physical weight, but everything else about me seems so heavy these days. I don't know if it's because i get too affected with things, or things are really extra tough right now, or maybe both.
Im alone here in our area coz everyone is on lunch break and things are quiet... but the things i have to do keep breaking that silence... my mind is buzzing with all the things I have to do, preparations i have to make, and all that crap.
Im dumbstruck and totally caught off guard by the way things are turning out. Its like the world is conspiring against me.. Well, not "ME personally", but "me at work". I get the weirdest problems... like those that shouldn’t even be problems. Argh. Hate it. Alas, i have no choice but to keep moving (heavy head, heart and all), just to get things done and in the hopes that ill suddenly realize that all my problems have been fixed. Things are so shitty right now that i dont even have it in me to cry out of frustration as i most often would do just to release some tension. Im numb... tired, bitchy and numb. Not even the thought of the upcoming trip has any effect on me.
Is God telling me to stay? Or is He reminding me of how much i want and should go? With the amount of things im supposed to do, i dont think ill be able to make time to even make things happen for myself. Im a prisoner of my work... and i cant do anything about it. (Well, of course there's always something i can do about it, but those things aren’t always the right things to do.)
Good thing, there are still moments where i can be in a brighter mood. Small things. Maybe small reminders that things are bad but there are still other things that are still good going on with me. So if the cliché that says, "good things happen to good people" are true, does this mean im a little good? Fartness. I think to highly of myself!
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