my stupid mouth --- haha!

i've grown to be too honest.

you meet different kind of people in your life.
there are those who teach you things about yourself --- things about who you are right now.
there are those who teach you who you can be --- teach you things that make you better.
there are those who remind you of who you were --- and you get perspective of the changes, both good and bad.

i have no regrets meeting everyone i have met in my life so far. and i know i will meet more people. i am who i am today because of everyone i have met. in a way, i have gotten better each day.

most recently, i met people who have taught me the value of honesty and sincerity in a friendship. i am thankful for that lesson. you have nothing to lose if you are honest because it leaves very little to interpretation and misinterpretation. there is a lot of freedom to be felt when you can say:

'you hurt me, but its okay.'
'i really like you but you make me feel bad about myself... we're better off as friends.'
'please don't lie to me because i can tell.'

for someone who was used to keeping things to herself... this was a tough change to make. looking back, i feel good things happened the way they did. i got something more valuable than a romantic relationship out of it. indeed, it was why it was meant to happen that way.

i guess i forgot that not everyone can take honesty (at least not the brutal hard core kind). and with honesty must come wisdom to choose the right words. so i was honest and i hurt a good friend but i was not careful enough with the words. i guess i wasnt thinking --- oh, but i was!

i just wanted to say how i felt... that's all. i was put in a spot where i felt uncomfortable and i was confused by all the possibilities. but i know for sure no one had the intention to hurt me -- that, at the very least, was clear. there was no doubt in me that nothing changed with the friendship... and although i may have given the impression something has, nothing should change...

so the only thing i am guilty of is honesty --- too much honesty.

don't get me wrong.. i still have my secrets. there are major things in my life i want to tell friends that i am still gathering courage to actually do so. and there are things i feel but i choose not to show because it is best kept to myself for now.

but the honesty i have learned has strengthened at least 2 friendships that i have. many thanks. for now, it has maybe chipped another friendship. but i have faith that the years of friendship we have invested will be enough to fix it. maybe for now we are both wounded by each others words and misinterpreted intentions...

i'll always be here.