the day i met john

totally caught off guard (understatement).

going about official business at cibo ABS... i shouldnt have underestimated tita chit. i was literally blown away... ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. the next thing i knew, katabi ko na si john prats. AS IN! i could not look at him... hahaha. di ko kinaya. wasnt prepared at all!!!

good thing, little girl had the best idea of insisting i have my picture taken with him... so she got my phone, and was trying to get the camera ready... ano sabi ko? "wag yan, may camera ako sa bag ako..." hahahahahahaha! nagpaka-fan. buti na lang talaga may camera ako lagi sa bag ko. kasi ang pangit ng resolution ng photos sa phone ko.

but it doesnt end there... photo number two.. and what did i say? "five years kong hinintay 'to" bwahahahaha!!!!! ang jologs. hahahaha.

nag-short circuit utak ko. as in i could not think. i never thought that id meet him today. hahaha. and to top it all off... to add to my embarrasing one-liners... when tita chit kept taunting me by asking him to look at me kasi kamukha ko daw si kim (nung payat pa ha... importante yan i-qualify)... ano sabi ko? (to him) "ang kamukha ko sister mo..." Lord Almighty... sukdulan na talaga yun.

it was a really jologs moment... cold hands, cold sweat and all... hahaha. i have to redeem myself. im asking for a second meeting. and this time, im going to be prepared.

i am going to relish this for the next few days... OH HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAY.

quick thought

sometimes people just need a little warmth... a little closeness...

World of Shell V-Power with Ferrari

NBC TENT

10am to 10pm

free entrance

ferrari cars on display

trip to italy, trips to boracay and fuel cards to be given away

tons of activities for everyone

see yah there!

end of an era

we all have fond memories of things, people, and places we grew up with. and last night marked the end of one of my fond highschool memories.

my cousin ana, whom i grew close to through the years, used to be the road manager for the wiseguys (not sure if anyone would be familiar with them). and around second year highschool, she started bringing me to their gigs... and mommy would only allow me to go out if i was with ana. so my gimik life literally was dependent on their gigs. i looked forward to fridays and saturdays when i get to watch them (usually at strumms, chatter box galle, and 8th day) and was sure to have much fun. kaya siguro maaga din ako na-expose sa mga green jokes ng all boy group. hahaha. come to think of it, grad ball date ko was a close friend of one of them. and right after the awarding (as in i didnt join the dancing dancing part), we headed straight to blue lizard along pasay road for their gig. they were part of the secret life i led. hahaha. mom had no idea id drink, and my schoolmates had no idea that the simple little me then had such a night life.

i carried over this habit onto college but i kinda stopped going around senior year (fiddler's green na kasi pinapanuod ko. hehehe) until when i started working.

but i digress... about last night. last night was precisely that... their last night. ana YM-ed me telling me they were disbanding... nakaka-sad. while we were there, i cant help but feel sentimental... my huge HS crush on Jam (na ngayon siguro minor crush na lang... he's still my favorite) how they'd tease me about my hips and ass (well, everyone does, and they still do), etc.

well, thats the end of it. i tried to take in allt he sights and sounds of last night... to add to the memories... memories that started nung nagdadalaga pa lang ako (yuck, ang baduy pakinggan).

ps. its funny they still see me as 'nene'... and even funnier they all say "angel, dalaga ka na..." to which im so tempted to say, "um, kasi 25 years old na ako... lampas na ako sa dlaaga stage." hahaha. unless they're referring to dalaga as in single woman. hahaha.

'tis the time for updates

MAY 5 - a day of finally's

FINALLY got to go to see the iCare cardiologist yesterday morning... and im getting my tests done on wednesday. if all goes well, i have the doctor's thoughts by the 26th of May (my next two weekends are booked). i hope that will put all my worries to an end.

----------

FINALLY got a haircut. my first for the year. hahaha. i was putting it off so my hair would really have the chance to grow. and i absolutely love how philippe gave me a bit of side-bangs this time. weee!

---------

FINALLY. this was the catch word for my cousin's wedding. and i got to host it with my other cousin. di kinaya ng kapal ng fez ko. nahiya ako. hahaha. funyn thing pa, i went straight to the reception and almost crashed the wrong reception!!! hahahaha. i still laugh when i think about it. imagine if i ended up hosting the wrong event! :p

---------

kontra lang... one thing that i havent had finality on is what i want to do with myself. it been keeping me up late at night and restless all day. one thing is for sure. i will have to embrace the process and hope the answers come sooner than later.

---------

MAY 6 - children's party, spiderman, and beer

andrea's 1st bday party was fun. i sat at the singles table and iya was with the mommy's table.. hehe. sweetie pie martine.

spiderman and a couple of beers with the BF boys at central. thank God for the boys... really appreciate the time out with them since those are pretty much the only times i get to do stuff other than work. :p

my weekend went by so fast. and i woke up with a really bad stomach ache... so ended up going on half day. here's to an equally busy week. at least i have bangkok to look forward to this weekend.

to shop or not to shop?

pounding on the red button

since we got back to work from holy week, things have been no less than hellishly busy. and this morning, im really feeling it take a toll on me. even as i write this, i have to concentrate on breathing and fighting the tremors in my hands. how can anyone be under this much stress on a saturday morning?!

i feel SO overwhelmed and confused with things. its like my system is just overloaded... and i think its mostly because of the fatigue building up. i feel like i lost capability to do anything.... as in di na ako maka-isip. like im at my breaking point and i dont know what to do anymore.

id hate to think that other people in the office may be going through a similar thing... coz thats just not good.

the creatives have been working non-stop (literally). one presentaiton after (often one on top of another)... meeting deadlines just in the nick of time. and there's nothing we can do but just go through the motion and hope we get past this phase.

the accounts, the default "blame me" persons. always feeling guilty that we have to dump so much work on the creatives but really cant do much most of the time. i personally feel like im fighting to stay afloat.

i guess there's nothing more to do than to JUST KEEP SWIMMING. tired or not, i have to keep swimming to survive.. and hopefully the end will have for me a beautiful paradise island where i can rest and be carefree.

hot in the city

its been brutally HOT. im sure everyone in manila will agree. its been so hot that im actually looking forward to being in the office tomorrow to get out of the heat. hahaha.

i guess it wouldnt be as bad if i got to go and enjoy the heat at the beach. was invited to go to galera for mon and ralph's birthday... but i had medical tests schedules over the weekend. BUT! as fate would have it, the iCare cardiologist had an emergency saturday morning and didnt see anyone for consultation. sayang. i had to cancel the tests. I COULD HAVE SPENT THE UBER HOT WEEKEND IN GALERA!!!

o well.. no point in being a brat about it. :p

whats on my menu?

since my fainting spell early thursday morning (april 5), ive been meaning to head to a neurologist for a check-up. so this morning, despite having less than 4 hours of sleep, mom and i went to see a neurologist and a cadriologist.

the neurologist says i need a work up for possible cardiogenic syncope (SING-kuh-pee).

say what?! hahaha. i looked it up and syncope is a medical term for fainting. (sosyal di ba?!) and fainting happens when the brain is not receiving enough blood and oxygen --- thus the temporary loss of consciousness. more specific to his initial findings: cardiogenic syncope is when the fainting is from the abnormal heart rhythms. but the bigger question was what caused me to "syncopate"? (hahaha.) initially he thinks it because i drank a granite with an espresso shot at max brenner at 5pm (an "upper") then a beer at 9pm (a "downer") and that may have caused my heart to skip some beats.. eventually leading to the fainting.

in any case, there isnt a final diagnosis yet.. but they do have to run several tests on me to help figure out the cause and to rule out any of the serious stuff (ie. seizures, heart conditions, etc.)

here's the list of tests i have to have done:
1. ECG
2. complete blood count
3. (some stuff i can read but has something to do with my blood)
4. 2D echo with DS
5. treadmill exercise
6. stress test
7. EEG

grabe. these are the tests done for my parents!!! and im having them done too! hahaha. whats not as funny though is that its SUUUUUPER expensive. parang gusto ko ulit himatayin sa mahal... except this time ill know the exact cause is. :p

but health is wealth.. its ironic that i have to make a huge dent on my savings. ouch ouch ouch. hopefully though the office HMO will approve and shoulder the costs. :D

i have a feeling this is far from over. after the tests have been done, ill know if i have to see any other specialists..

so the adventure continues...

S is for...

sleepless...
sungit...
super eyebags...
pSycho...
STRESSSSSS!



need i say more?

night out with the boys

i havent been out in a long time. my usual gimik would be hanging out at someone's house or at a nearby bar or your short dinner or movie then head home. but last night (or this morning rather) i found myself at the heart of mainstream nightlife.

it was supposed to be a laid back gimik at 310 along aguirre with some neighborhood friends since christian was leaving for denmark... i wasnt able to join them but they picked me up a little past midnight on their way to cuisine at the fort. ive never been there and it was fun.

by past 3am, the boys were ready to call it a night... BUT! i had to eat so we stopped by burger machine here in BF.

some photos with the boys:

what i do best

i sent a random thought to a friend... and i didnt expect to get this reply: go do what you do best.

whoa. good point. the thing is... WHAT IS IT THAT I DO BEST ANYWAY?!

im thankful again...

big load off my shoulders... im so thankful to God things happened they way they did. actually id be more thankul if it didnt happen at all.. but these things happen for a reason.

the worst thing for me to deal with was the disillusion. im not naive. i know these things happen... and several families all over the world have gone through, are going through, and will go through a similar predicament. but one would NEVER think or expect it would happen to them. i never thought it would happen to MY family. but it did. and i was broken by it.

at least now, i can really go and continue mending that part of myself. start to forgive and forget... slowly i understand. for this blessing, i am thankful. i hope this makes you both stronger... makes all of us stronger. i hope this opens doors for things to go back to the happier days. after all, in the end we only have each other.

few people get me

i think i can name just 3 people who i know REALLY get me. like they can finish my sentences and get what i want to say even if i cant construct a decent sentence to express myself. not just that, they GET me... no judgements, they just get me... like i make sense to them. scary, aint it?

and im ever so blessed and thankful to have them. case in point... was chatting with pearl, and i was suprised at how accurate she can be about me:

"you can be so closed about your emotions sometimes... like you dont want to open up.

You are an open person and all that but there are times when you set up walls or seem indifferent about things that actually mean a lot to you.

Like you are careful.... you are more than meets the eye so i do not push when you do not want to talk or say things and i figure you will say or show how you feel when you feel comfortable or want to get it out..

i think it is bec you feel so bad and you cannot control it after... like a huge melon stuck in your throat. or you trying to stand up when there is river that tries to wash you down."

i love it. thank you pearl. you hit the spot.

you know me too well. hahaha. sabagay 25 years of friendship does that. :p

because i said so

i was supposed to have a working saturday... deliver flowers to greenhills, meeting at abs, then head home. somehow, isa-isang nawala yung gagawin ko. the clincher is, i ran out of official things to do, i was in makati na. hahaha.

i was supposed to watch this baduy movie alone... dont ask why. good thing i ran into lily (literally) and we ended up watching 'because i said so'.

good movie... tried not to me extra emotional about it... it was hard since something semi-major happened to my family around lunch. but anyway! i liked the movie.

id watch it again.. maybe with my mom this time.

beer and poker

friday was a fast one... we had our thanksgiving mass at 4pm then a shocking staff meeting after (i still dont know what to feel after the announcements)... but we soon drowned our concerns in beer and lechon cebu.

it was one of those times that beer didnt taste like anything.. it tasted like water actually. i knew id end up drinking more than my usual (which still isnt a lot on normal standards). so i had a couple of beers at the office. it was the usual gasso party.. fun, fun, fun. happy kris got to stay for a while.

at around 9pm, i headed to skyland to meet up with some other friends. i though i was just going to watch them play poker and then head home by midnight... but no. they had other plans. hahahaha! long story short, i got a crash course on poker. half the time i didnt know what i was doing (given i had already a good amount of alcohol in my system.. my standards). but i had fun.

ended up going home at 3am. thanks for the ride and the great conversation... :)

major recap

MAJOR RECAP!!! havent been able to write since SOOOOOO many things have been happening. (im still a bit overwhelmed.. hahaha)

most are good and happy things... but i must warn you the last item just oozes with anger.. i cant help it. f***ing asshole.

feb 22 - advil pitch
happy this went well... and even happier we got the account! whoopeeeee!

feb 24 - pearl
i remember pearl was supposed to come home fo her dad's 60th but i got caught up with stuff going on. so hearing her voice on the phone got me a bit disoriented. haha. i thought she was callign long distance from denmark... then i realized she was calling from her house across the street! so like i used to do years and years ago, i got out of bed and went straight to her house. hahahaha.

happy pearl is home, but sad that tito bo had to pass away today. i guess it should be seen as a blessing that he didnt have to suffer long. tito was the first of papa's barkada to pass away. although my only memories of him were of when i was around 9 and we'd go to hundred islands with them, i will miss him. via con dios tito bo!

feb to mar 10
spent days with pearl.. to make up for the 2 years of not seeing her. the last time she was here, we barely got to spend time together. so we were pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks. just like old times.

ATC with pearl's college friends... johnny, joey, katkat, migs, marie, ermel, and baby hagia
central and havana ktv with the d. tuazon boys...
la luz!!!!

feeling a bid sad she has to leave so soon! but ill see her again and i know we'll have as much fun again. :) i still have tonight to stay up and take thousands of photos with her. hahaha.

feb 28
gave myself the chance to try something new. and it went surprisingly well.. kahit na napigtas sandal ko as i was about to sit down. hahaha! thank God ms J and i have the same shoe size. great conversation... great to be exposed to a different group of people... and i wasnt conscious at all about being jologs or less intelligent! hahaha. will have to beg off poker night tonight... maybe next week. :)

mar 1
things have generally been great for me. but now comes the anger part.

you asshole. its sufficient to say im STILL mad at you. more because napahiya ako and my pride is badly bruised. this is EXACTLY why i dislike opening up to people who show intentions other than being just friends. because it makes me vulnerable. and i was stupid enough to give you a chance... to trust you... and give you the benefit of the doubt. even if my closest friends told me more than once that you were bad news... you're a player...

this is why my pride is hurt real bad. because I let this happen. and you took advantage. what were you thinking?! how can you go to your weekly religious meetings and spend the rest of the week taking advantage of people. HYPOCRITE!!! argh! im still really angry.

you insensitive asshole. how can you have dinner with my family and do what you do? the nerve talaga. i pray you dont get karma for the things you do. because if you do, i will not think twice about laughing. i hope you never meet the girl who will break your heart like you've broken so many girls' hearts.

------

i move on.

one of the many things i realize from all of this, the world keeps on turning... regardless if im happy, sad, angry, or lonely... the world will not stop for me. i may feel like sh*t, but i just have to keep going... to keep swimming... :D

agit agit agit...

a lot of things to update... but not now. i just need to unload a bit (as always)...

-----

do i? i think i do. and im a bit concerned. thats not a good position to be in. not with all the unaswered questions. but ill have to cope with where i am... maybe its the lack of sleep of something. but i just cant get you out of my head... and its driving me insane. how do i work this situation?! HOW?!?!?!

-----

i appreciate you 'listening'.. i notice the change... i dont regret speaking up about being uncomfortable about some things. and its stupid of me to be looking for it now!!!!! girl cant make up her mind? or maybe we just dont see eye to eye about some things and you didnt get what i was saying. who knows what going on in there... share naman...

-----

everyone says i should be careful... i have just about had it with tip toe-ing around and playing safe. this is why i hate mind games. i just cant play.

mixed nuts

athough still sluggish and sleepy, i feel G-R-E-A-T.

yesterday's presentation went well... feels great to be part of it. ive been lucky that the few new business pitches ive been part of, most left me in high spirits. happy with myself and how i did. :) teehee.

i really hope we get the account.

of course the last few days leading up to yesterday were less than sweet. i found myself angry and frustrated again. but hey, ganun talaga e. inthe end things still went well. that should be enough to get over all the hassles.

----------

ive been thinking... there are things that you cant force.. some things just dont go together. maybe we're like that.

----------

here it goes... im starting to feel the strain of this new set-up... but i know we can get over it and adjust. after all, if what we have is as strong and special as we say, then we'll be okay.

i guess i just miss you. especially since these are the times i would love to share with you.

night out with my cheering friends

sleepy... i really shouldnt stay up late on sunday nights coz it turns me into a walking vegetable the rest of the week! it doesnt help that i haven't been able to sleep earlier than 12mn since then. hahahaha.

----------

"...im out with my cheerleader friends."
got together with the boys ang girls of babble last night at grams diner, rockwell. i knew it was going to be a riot. hahaha. kat introduced her hubby lee to us and i think its safe to say we all fell in love with him... congratulations to you both. we're all looking forward to seeing how cute your kids will be! hahaha.

rundown of attendees: kat and lee, abel, jemil, tooper, tisha, patching, arjae (and friend), monica, lora (and brother), caleen and myself.

with mon, lora, and myself there (though we missed nikki, and karen... golden girls! haha) we were not a quiet table. haha. lora was her usual self... non-stop kwento. isama mo pa si caleen. and of course kat. hahaha.

i had so much fun. too bad kat and lee have to fly back to LA tomorrow night. :( im seriously considering adding a side trip to LA to visit her (and mel lau and some other relatives)... i wonder, may maiiwan pa kaya akong pera after the trip? hahahahaha!

(photos on my multiply photo page... will grab the others' photos when i get the chance)

----------

"...don't be an asshole."
in the spirit of the same honesty and openness that made you confess your soul to me a few days back, i hope some of the things i said will make you realize how this "arrangement" is sitting with me.

though i now know you're not the type to take bluntness easily. ill probably have to be more cheerful in being honest.

its slowly becoming more obvious i have to do something about this. so not into mind games. but i told you that already, didnt i?

ouchie

my head hurts. its ironic my head hurts because of the sheets on pain relievers. somehow i dont find it funny and im not relieved at all.

everything was whacked today.

was supposed to have a 9-12nn meeting at alabang where 3 groups of suppliers were to present. that stupid girl (who had no remorse whatsoever for the immense delay she caused) came in at freaking 1030am... pushing everything else to end by 130pm.

my 2pm internal meeting got "moved" to 5pm, but instantly moved again to 330pm... ended past 5pm i think.

so technically my day began at 5pm. these things happen, i know. and ive adjusted to it several times before. but the clincher is... because i had this bright idea to ask about sheets, i find myself sitting here at my desk (STILL) magically producing sheets for tomorrow out of nothing.

now i have to be honest. im a bit lost with this project. so that makes it a bit harder to be the one to construct the sheets. PLUS, it seems my boss is already resigned to the fact that whatever i prepare will surely be changed based on what the bosses want (whats new). so (without thinking) i told her earlier:

- di ko na kakaririn kasi babarilin din naman... EEEEENK! wrong thing to say.
- bakit di nalans sabihin ng mga boss ano gusto nila para di na sayang effort ko kung alam naman pala nyang babarilin... EEEEEENK! wrong again.

i cant help but wonder why i have to exert effort to think of how the latag should go if i know my boss is SO open to it being shot down... parang i get the feeling di man lang nya ipaglalaban. i will end up presenting my hard work, and take all the blows. what the point? please, someone remind me what im missing.

anyway, i should really go back to my sheets... and my endless transcriptions.

oh by the way... im doing this... yet i wont be part of the actual group presenting come d-day. wow. that's very uplifting.

MENTAL NOTE: keep in mind that this will only make me better... do it for the exercise.

what's up with that?!

something is really screwed up with the world these days. and im flattered. haha. this is funny... in a good way. i got a really odd text message tonight. and i dont want to say anything about it yet.. but saturday should be VERY interesting.

im giving myself the chance to do something i dont normally do (because i find it really uncomfortable and complicated). but im giving myself this chance because i owe it to myself.

hay. haha. im still smiling.

thank God for giving me another reason to smile.

wala lang

im here at my mom's house.. sitting on her comfy couch. papa keeps popping in and out of the house with visa forms... miah is channel surfing... im going to take a while to enjoy this silence. right at this very moment, my life is calm. feels good to soak up in calm-ness for a change.

ill probably go to sleep in a while. looking forward to ama's lumpia tomorrow...

happy new year everyone!

A-cute valentine

i knew this year's valentine's day was going to be just another day... haha!

830am-330pm whole day meeting. talk about overwhelmed with info.
330pm-430pm instant crisis-control meeting
430pm-600pm made my way home... burning with fever again

the rest of the evening was spent at the ER of Asian Hospital.

mom was with me nung una.. but left after she found out na i needed to get a CBC test... her reason? she wanted to watch tita cory on deal or no deal. hahahahaha. cute ni mommy.

so anyway, i was happy the girl who got my blood was really good. as in wala ako naramdaman! not even the needle touching my arm! hmmm... dugo ko talaga kaya yun? haha.

so it turns out i have acute bronchitis. i guess i should count my blessings its just bronchitis. didnt feel too blessed when i bought my prescriptions though...

zithromax (antibiotic) - 1 tab a day for 3 days Php280/tab
toclase (for my dry cough) - 1 tbsp, 4x a day Php200+ isang bote
nafarin-a - 2x a day Php4.75/tab

my total bill: Php1,071.75

ouch.

i could have put that in my savings account na lang...

so that was my valentine's day.. :) i feel better today. at least i havent had fever since last night.

thanks to dj and mr manny for the single stem roses. thanks. :)

awake and sick

i still dont know exactly what the better thing to do is, but at least i have a fresh perspective on things. im awake now. i know this is not a dream... its not my dream. wake up and smell the real world!

in a way im thankful certain things happened. at least di na lulutang-lutang utak ko sa ulap.. my feet are back on the ground. hahaha. eh, kasalanan ko rin naman pala e!

so from now on, whatever you say and do, i cant help but probably be skeptical. thats the way things are now. you'll have to prove me wrong.

----------

im sick. fell asleep feeling great after walking outside (alone ah). but woke up feeling like something got stuck up my nasal passage (gross). then it progressed to a bad headache... then i got girly cramps... then they all kinda bugged me at the same time. until i finally broke out with a fever. so now, im crampy, runny (nose), achy, and getting hotter.

blech. this isnt the time to get sick. really.

i hope i wake up feeling better tomorrow.. its going to be a really crucial week.. and the week after too. so... I CANT BE SICK!!!

still...

still sleepy.
i worked until past 10pm last night. got all the small yet needed and oh-so icky to do stuff out of the way. okay, fine. i didnt touch my copy analysis list. but i got a lot of things done and organized. i have a desk again. but i digress, i got home and fell asleep. woke up late and got to work late. but im still sleepy. makes it worse im starting to regret why i didnt sleep that night/morning. argh.

still thinking.
i still dont know what the better thing to do is. i dont think there's a right thing to do at this point. so i search for the better thing instead. some things im sure of, but some im still thinking of. maybe thats why im still sleepy. i havent stopped thinking.

------

good luck! ill see you soon. :)

lack of sleep = incoherence

i find it hard not to say im a bit disappointed.
how can i not be?
how can you confess your soul to me the way you did?
well, maybe not how... but WHY?
can't you just please express your intentions?
i hate being kept in the dark.
i hope you're not playing mind games. i hate mind games.

lack of sleep. mind on full 'analyzing' gear.
i just want to understand and know im still in control of the situation.
i told you, pet peeve ko yun... i HAVE to stay in control of things... to have a hand in keeping options open.

thats the AE in me... i cant help it.

days of passion

was a bit frustrated today. guess thats comes with realizing that what you're doing isnt exactly what you're most passionate about.

so talking about passions.. my passions in life... a list comes to mind. to share a few things:

dancing. i know im not skilled enough to be a professional, but i think i would be most happy if i would be given the opportunity to pusue this... and succeed. wishful thinking.

theater. lea salonga breaks my heart. i absolutely envy her. her talent is just ... WOW. the control she has over her voice... the emotions she can inject into her performances, ay grabe. i gave up theater in highschool... i left it there. but i had fun. the performer in me had a great time.

i know ive talked previously about the rush of performing... of seeing people smile and enjoy your performance.. of just being able to have a potent form of expression! i miss that kind of release... god, i really need an outlet. haha.

on a lighter note... i still love john prats. totally unrelated to passion, but i just have to put this in. i dont know what it is about him, but i cras him talaga. hahahahahaha. kadiri... di na naka-move on. i mean i find a bunch of other stars cute/hot or whatever, but i cant seem to get over him. haha.

also, im seriously thinking of studying... secret muna kung ano aaralin ko. basta its totally unrelated to what im doing.. well, sort of related. haha. its been a funidea ive had in my head for a while. im sure i might have mentioned it in passing to some people... im not sure. baka pabiro. so ill look into that. it would have been better if i got the idea when i was a bit younger.. just to start early. but no regrets. no harm in trying. not even sure if im any good at it or hilig ko lang talaga. if not, i have myself to make use of it! hahaha!

----------

im babbling again.. at least i get to unload my thoughts. or else id go gaga. :p

drip

Kapanahunan na naman
Ng paglalambingan
At kasama kitang mamasyal
Sa kung saan
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag

Pagmamahalan lang naman
Ang mararanasan
Sa sariling mundo tayo lang
Ang may alam
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag

Halina’t pakinggan
Ang awit na dala ng pag-ibig
Masaya ang mundo pag kapiling
Kitang ganito
Huwag kang hihiwalay at ang
Puso ko ay maligaya
Lapit na, oh lapit pa

Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag
Sa buong magdamag
Sa buong magdamag


its been lovely and cold the past few days.. lovely if you're not freezing your ass off at the office. haha. but ive been taking leisurely walks at night... so far, last night was the most enjoyable. cool breeze, full moon, no stray dogs, tummy full of ineng's bbq... great, great, GREAT!

perfect way to end a not-so-perfect week.

-----

change of plans... wasnt your fault you were late. i didnt mind.

funny movie.. but the popcorn shower was more funny... i didnt tell you but i thought that would happen too. hahaha!

i still bet you opened that pack of spoons you were supposed to return. haha!

really enjoyed walking with you. mas relaxed. at least we got to spend more time togather without people here sa house snooping around. :p

sabi mo you havent seen me in a while... sinabi mo pa! ewan ko ba naman sayo bakit di ka nagpapakita. hahaha!

trip

pau isnt the only one who gets to go on a trip.. thanks to lily, i think i may get a chance to breathe non-manila air for a day. im hoping its going to be just a day trip... so i get to sleep and be catatonic the next day. haha.

im sure im going to be looking up a lot and its definitely going to be a colorful day. looking forward to it already... im making sure my memory stick is empty and ready. weeee!

thanks lils... love you! sana matuloy for sure! (and sana we get to ride one... that would really make my day.)

blurrrrrrrrrr

ang daming nangyayari... dumadaan na lang ng parang hangin. masaya ba?

suddenly cold

yesterday morning, i was pleased to notice how cool it was... especially in the garden where its constantly breezy. but it never occured to me that if it was cold outdoors, then it would be MUCH colder indoors.

it doesnt help that im feeling slightly sicky... so double whammy.

ang lamig talaga. but i shouldnt complain... one, its definitely colder elsewhere.. i still live in a tropical country. and two, id rather it be cold with the AC working than sweaty and irritable when it was broken. :p i will count my blessings. haha.

attainable challenge?

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you But you also know when to show some interest back You're good at keeping your guy guessing And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

* from kaye

thinking sleepy

right at this very moment, inaantok ako. as in i want to crawl back into bed and sleep. BUT! its a monday... and mondays set the mood for the entire week, so i have to manage to be as relaxed yet productive as i can. i cant have an entire week like this!

-----

despite my sleepy thoughts, my mind is still busy with my life options... maybe thats why im sleepy... nakakapagod mag-isip ng mga ganun ah. no joke. last night i was tearing up na when i fell asleep because of frustration.

dasal

give me a sign. i thought i was sure what i wanted. pero bakit parang dumadami yung mga interesting options that i can take? nalilito na tuloy ako.

sure there arent any opportunities that need my immediate decision, but i should move to make these opportunities come.

basta bottomline, its up to me... its really my decision to make. my decision on what route i want to take with my life. so i can start focusing my energies on it.

hay! what do i do? what do i really want to do?

i need a sign.

gulong ng palad

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

singit lang

quick break to copy paste somethings i wrote on my way home last night.

- there are things that make me happy these days... enought for me not to feel too sad about other things.

- nights like this, when my body is just too damn tired to move but my mind is too busy throwing thoughts around, will probably be the hardest for me. eto kasi yung times na i can throw random thoughts at you and i dont have to worry about not making sense. even better that in the end, they make sense already. hope you're doing well there. keep shining.

- just when i thought things could not get any more hectic, they just do. meetings that are piled up like crazy... its not even funny how they all seem to conflict with each other AND theyre all important. requirements and deadlines that just keep coming. pati mga tulog na bagay, ganda ng timing to be reborn. but we're all still standing... and smiling. that should be a good sign. ah, yes, the rush of being in advertising.

- with all of these things going on, i cant deal with this right now. i dont want to be cruel, but i just dont have the energy to sort through it and deal with it. im sorry. ill take my chances. if by the time that i can sort through it without being short-fused, would be a time that you wouldnt want to be there anymore, ill have to deal with it. i just cant do this right now. i should let the frustration, confusion and irritation die down.

i shouldnt be saying this...

just to get it out of my head...

it hasnt been long, but im nearing a point where i wish you'd just go and say something.

SAY SOMETHING!!!

super saturday

today was great.

630am - leave for offline
730 to 930am - offline
930 to 1230nn - hang out at salcedo weekend market
1230 to 130pm - head on home
130 to 300pm - las paellas, theobroma, ruins
300 to 9pm - hang out at home

okay, it wasnt that simple. pau scheduled to bring me my painting today... and that was the major event of the day. but it was worth the wait... and more. i absolutely love the painting. the more i look at it, the more i love it. haha. thanks pau. you're the best.

whats not to love about today?
love hanging out with arnie, ige, paolo and april at the salcedo market...
love taking pau around BF...
love theobroma ice cream...
love ruins...
love having strawberries and chocolate fondue...
love hanging out with mom and pau...
LOVE THE PAINTING...
LOVE THE PORTRAIT...

thankies to everyone for a great day!!! eeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaahooooooo!

* more photos in my multiply

----------

get well soon...

giddy giggly doo

had a great time last night. it was refreshing to be doing something different on a weekday.

i cant help but smile today.

happy pill

i never really noticed until they pointed it out... ive been extra happy the past few days.

choices, choices...

i want to go out of town... i want to get in a car, and go anywhere. anywhere but stay here.

on the other hand, im supposed to be saving up for a major spend item this time next year (if all goes as planned)...

choices, choices...

short messages

1. something about you feels right... but im going to be smart and continue not to put too much attention to it.

2. go and be the best at everything you do. you are such an inspiration to me. i feel as though i can do things that i never even considered int he past. its as if your presence has enabled me on several levels. i will ever be proud of you.

3. im thankful, in a sense, that the last few weeks have allowed me to get used to the distance between us. at least saying 'see you soon' wont be as difficult anymore. ill have to admit i was jealous a s hell... as i always have been with a few uber close friends. but in retrospect, it was a good thing.

iWant iPhone

looks like if i want a new phone ill have to buy myself one... no Globe Loyalty Rewards this year... boo hoo!

it so happens i saw this....

now i want one... I WANT ONE. its really just a materialistic thing to want since i just got my iPod and i still have a phone.. hahaha. but i still want one.

*photos from apple.com

in fairness...

being the self-absorbed person that i am.. i just HAD to try this one with multiple photos. hahaha. i was surprised at the faces that came out consistently. hehehe. in fairness...

greetings

my favorite holiday greetings...

from peejay: Salamat sa mga araw ng tawanan, kuwentuhan, tambay at mga tila walang kuwentang mga oras na kasama kita. Ito ang mga moments na pinapanaginipan ko, nire-reminisce at pinagsesentihan. Maraming salamat talaga, ang saya saya ng buhay ko dahil sa'yo. Ma-achecheng Pasko at Maligo ang Gagong Taong Grasa!

from mel: My 12 gifts for you: 1. Happiness. Deep down inside. 2. Serenity. At every sunrise. 3. Success. In every facet of your life. 4. Family beside you. 5. Caring friends around you. 6. A love that never ends. 7. Good health within you. 8. Beautiful memories. 9. A bright today with so much to be thankful for. 10. A pathway leading to better tomorrows. 11. Dreams that manage to come true. 12. and A great appreciation for whatever you do. One day to go... Merry Christmas!

from mark: May your year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books, kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere this year, you surprise yourself! --- Neil Gaiman

from coach ivan: Happiness is somewhere between too little and too much. May you have just enough wealth to meet your needs, enough poverty to learn how to work hard. Enough blessings to know that God loves you, enough problems so you dont forget Him. Enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong. Enough hope to keep you happy, enough sorrow to keep you human. What you are is God's gift to you, but what you become is your gift to God. Happy New Year!

hope everyone has a rockin' 2007!

longest line...

i just got home from one of the longest days of my life...

last night, i was supposed to ride with mic to meet up with the rest of the gang at mike's house. when that didnt fall through as planned, i relieved myself of the inis by being thankful i get to sleep... especially since i was set to leave at 7am for comelec... to FINALLY register myself as a voter. (i had no idea its been 7 years since i turned 18.. hahaha. im a bad citizen... although i do pay my taxes. :p)

so i slept around midnight, only to wake up at around 430am... i was hungry... MAJOR hunger... if it was enough to wake me up, then that should be major hunger. long story short, good thing a friend was super nice enough to bring me food... so i ended up not sleeping na lang kasi i finished eating/chit chatting at 6am.

i got to comelec at around 730am... and to cut to the chase, i finished at 330pm... most of my time was spent standing in line seething with anger at the giddy students in front of me na pinasingit na ata half of their class (inaway ko rin sa inis eventually... that shut them up... hahaha.)

at least im done... ill never have to do that ever again.

in fairness, yung mga singit naman talaga ang may kasalanan ng delay... but the comelec people were all nice.. a little bit lacking in organization sa labas, but they were all really nice. patient pa. i kinda felt bad for thinking they were your typical na slow-working government workers... snaps to you guys!

tonight, i tend to my aching knees.. from all the standing today... again, thanks to a friend for the free consult! :p

there's a hole in the bucket

none of my plans fell through today...

1. was going to finally register... mahaba pila sa comelec
2. was going to have my teeth cleaned... no dentist
3. haircut before the new year... moved to some other day kasi sasabay na alng ako kay mic to get to mike's
4. go see mike after haircut... stayed home instead because mic got stuck somewhere
5. be firm today... ended up a texting fool

oh well, i have tomorrow to look forward to.

hopefully things will go as planned.

i drive myself crazy

its been "quiet" without mel.. i realize how much of my thoughts id habitually throw at her.. now that she's not as easy to reach, its obvious i really need a second brain to be able to sort through some of the things that bounce around in my head. of course blogging helps, but there are some things you cant just post online... and it gets tiring to be so vague all the time.

so here's a healthy helping of pseudo vague-ness...

----------

ive known you barely a week now... but i hope im getting the right vibe... its been surprising, a bit confusing and unfamiliar, but at the same time comfortable and easy. in any case, i can wait to see how this turns out. no typo there.. i said i CAN. :) and i think i will.

i guess im just amazed at how these past few days unfolded. hay. i dont want to jinx anything. i just need to unload some thoughts... express some things.

----------

it was nice bumping into you yesterday... haha. i cant believe i had a crush on you since highschool! and im surprised 7 years lang pala age gap natin. you seemed like such an adult back then. so talking to you last night surprisingly felt like i was talking to someone my age. and its funny you admitted you didnt know how to talk to me kasi i "grew up" so much since we last saw each other (duh, that was just last year!)... have i aged THAT much? come to think of it, the past 2 years HAVE been life changing for me.. so maybe i do have a different aura these days. haha. to think ive only been 25 for just 2 weeks!

as i was saying, it was great bumping into you... great to see you a bit flustered and confused. i never thought id have that effect on you in my entire life. hahaha. i rock! heehee... kaloka.

----------

YOU! you who manage to turn my world upside down with the most mundane things!!! i am almost forever in a state of confusion when it comes to you.... and thats all im going to say for now. what am i going to do about you??!?!?!?!?!

mel daldal's wedding

i got a surprising invitation from mel laurel months ago to go to her wedding... so last thursday we headed to tagaytay. i was with caroline, fewng, kris, jason and kenya.

the trip up was fairly normal... nagkakahiyaan pa yung dalawang bata... but as soon as we got to the chapel on the hill, things just got better.

it was a small gathering... i loved the intimacy of the chapel.. i dont think you can fit more than 60 people there. and the view was just amazing. makes me seriously reconsider my big wedding dream. haha.

most of my photos were either of mel and nino (their backs mostly during the ceremony... haha.) OR the famous kenya-jason loveteam. so here are some photos...

the drive back was off the scales! jason and kenya were hilarious. its true.. kids DO say the darnest things...

more photos on my multiply!!! :p

close to you

When you get used to pretending, it becomes second nature to you. You dont even have to think about it --- like breathing, or digesting your food. It's like the mechanism gets wound up and you just keep getting good at it.

Remind me again, why dont you, please?

tease me...

just some photos from the christmas party last friday... had fun... responsible fun. hahaha. i think i really made sure id evade any incident that would be anywhere near my episode in last year's party... thankfully no one seemed to remember. hahaha.

im not ashamed to share photos this year... because i SWORE that id be pretty this year.. to offset last year's scam. hahaha.

i came as a vargas girl... inspired by the photos shoot in ANTM season 5... came out pretty well, i must say... my pornstar name: evita paru-paru. hehe.

all the pimps and ho's in the house!!!

ill post the full deck of photos on my multiply when everyone's uploaded their photos.

asian food trip

ive been constantly craving for asian food the past two weeks... vietnamese and thai to be specific. from dusit thani, to pho bac, to soms, then to nam an... yum, yum, yum!!!

--------

christmas party photos to follow. :p

lets put this to the test... tomorrow... harharhar!

the big 2-5! (part2)

i had a great birthday yesterday. simple, but great.

- mom gave me wishlets. its three strings na may maliit na pendant na sun, moon at star.. the idea is i have someone tie it around my wrist and make 3 knots.. then i make a wish for that person and myself.. im not supposed to take it out... ever. i have to wait for it to fall off... so, i had mom tie the star, pau tied the moon, and mel the sun...

- got a total of 4 overseas calls... april from USA, acky from Hong Kong, anton from Singapore and my best friend pearl from Denmark. Thanks so much for calling to greet me... :)

- the rest of the afternoon was very normal for me. minus some baggage (which felt great!)

- for dinner, we headed to soms... pau gave me a shirt, mel got me make-up, and we ate the cake that julia and julette gave me. we made fun of the show that was on... may mamang nagwawalis to set a record pero wala namang winawalis... may humping bench press... at iba pa.

- PHOTOS!!!

the big 2-5! (part1)

i dont want to forget anyone or anything. so just a rundown of things as they happen:

- woke up to my ringing phone... an unexpected phone call. :) thanks for calling me. it was great to hear from you and im glad we're okay.
- messages from mel, maykhel and boo. hugs hugs hugs to you three!
- surprised my mom stayed awake to greet me.. hugs mom. thanks for being so great.
- fell asleep between sending replies to mike... (Aha! Nagkaka-bukingan na ah... :p)
- upset tummy woke me up / kept me up
- took my glorious time taking a bath and fixing up for work... ive been secretly enjoying my alone time in the bathroom... its a place i can think and not be too distracted.
- almost got into a car accident twice on my way to work... tsk, tsk to the shuttle driver.
- sneak peek at some gifts... that are on their way :p



the search for my long lost love is finally over... thank you for the miracle.

i cant wait to get home and see you waiting for me!!!

- more messages coming thru my phone... im surprised some people remember its my day... some greetings are totally unxpected. warm fuzzy feeling to know people remember you. (mental note: write down everyone's bdays... everyone deserves to be remembered on their birthday.)
- today is far from over... i hope it stays MY day... let me rest from my unnecessary worries.

gargantuan appetite: Som's and home-cooked lunch

basta pasko ang sarap talaga kumain!

after shopping my legs to death (which i enjoyed immensely), a big meal should soon follow.

saturday supper at soms
mel has been raving about this thai resto near the office... cheap pero super yummy daw na authentic thai. so to reward ourselves for a very fruitful sopping session for our christmas party costumes (i had very few small items i needed after shopping with lily friday night), we headed to soms.

very cozy place.. mel said it used to be a karinderya... and i guess business has been so good, they got to expand. aircon naman... malinis.. medjo confused ang decor (the table tiles were more morrocan than thai).. but in general, okay yung place. it wouldnt be a bad place to rent for a party.. may sound system and all... parking will be a slight concern though.

i let mel order: bagoong rice, catfish salad, chicken curry (yellow), tom yum gai, and plain rice (na-sales talk kami nung waitress. bagay daw sa curry)...

gosh.. mel wasnt kidding when she said food was good there. she barely ate anything so i practically ate everything... hahaha. well, she ate 90% of the sticky rice and mango dessert.. but that was because i was too stuffed to move.

you know how sometimes may mga lamok na sobrang dami nang blood na nakain di na maka-lipad? i think i know how that feels. hahaha.

super sunday lunch
you'd think id have enough food in me to last me weeks... but no. mom had to cook great sunday lunch. oh boy.

anyway, heres my plate:

all-time mommy food favorites!
1. inihaw na tilapia.. this one was super fresh and super malaman.
2. green mango salad.. everytime may reunion sa side ni papa, may HUGE bowls of green mango salad. mawala na kanin, wag lang yung mango salad.
3. sinigang.. and mom made it maasim just the way i love it.

di naman marami kinain ko no? di bale, all the shopping i did after lunch was enough to burn allt he food. plus no more second serving.. yan na yun.

ruffles, lay's and c2

i found comfort in my snacks today: Lay's Salt & Vinegar, Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream, and Lemon C2.

something about munching on these junkies make me smile. i think its the msg & sugar combo high.

----------

going shopping with lily tonight. :) hope i find what ive been looking for. PLEASE!

college day

i went to ateneo today.. just to get some things out of the way. and i was surprised that it still feels the same to be there. almost like time stopped when i left and now that im back, its going again. haha. i was half expecting to see familiar faces cross the street, or parking their cars, or hanging out in all the designated tambayans.

makes me remember how much i love my school. i love being there. great times of my life.

i wanted to stay a while and just walk around... take some photos... reminisce a bit (just a bit). but i think ill save that for another time... :)

it just felt great to be around the trees again... glad they didnt suffer too much with milenyo... glad that i can always come back and recharge.

----------

tonight im meeting up with my college girlfriends... minus jill (and cha if she wont make it).

so today is going to be a COLLEGE DAY!!!

desPEDIda

pedi is off to milan... so proud of him. im not surprised i have mixed emotions about all this movement around me. but generally im happy for all of you.

i had 3 despedidas for pedi... i meant i went to 3... here are photos for the GASSO one at 121...

as always, this is the censored version... :p camwhores of the world, unite!

addio, buona fortuna, con amore, pedi!

its a race

with the things going on around me, ill need all the strength i can get --- physically and emotionally.

but the race is definitely on.

i wonder who's going to win?

shopping holiday and other tidbits

i wanted to take advantage of the long weekend to start/finish my christmas shopping... and it did! well, im 90% done. i just need to head to national bookstore to get gifts for all the kids in the family... laking national points, here i come! hahaha!

major bonding time with mom and miah... shopping is such a spiritual thing. and im more than happy with each thing that i bought. next in line: wrapping.

----------------------------------------

lola toyang was laid to rest yesterday... she was 101. ive never been close to that side of the extended family, but i couldnt help tearing up. something about the intense spirituality of the family struck a chord... i wasnt turned off by any of the professions of faith.. on the other hand, it kinda felt warm, and familiar.

got acquainted with the longest line of second cousins and uncles and all... haha. ill try to remember where everyone fits in the family tree, but its a big family after all... and everyone looks alike! (side hirit: bakit ba mas malakas ang lahi ng tanchoco sa sison! hay)

----------------------------------------

i have officially given up on doing anything "karir" for the christmas party. started thinking for options early, but those didnt work out. and as i found out this weekend, my back-up plans aren't that reliable too... in fact, wala nang naiwan.

so with over 2 weeks left, parang ayaw ko na isipin. ill just grab things from my closet... tas yun na yun. haha!

----------------------------------------

i have also given up thinking of how to celebrate my birthday. i was hoping to make turning 25 special.. but ive run out of excitement to plan anything. i DID buy 2 buckets of freezers at the bazaar yesterday (straw-raspberry margarita and cosmopolitan)... just i case i want to get drunk. haha.