if today were my last

im taking time out from my insane schedule to write some thoughts.

i woke up at 3am this morning from a bad dream that i was going to die tomorrow (which is today, or something like that). i couldnt go back to sleep right after because i was so afraid it would come true. ive been constantly having deja vu's from snippets of dreams ive had long ago and this is one dream i would really rather not come true. thinking about it, im not too sure if its because im afraid to die or if its because its different if you know when you're going to die and its tomorrow!

on my way to work, i was thinking of what id do if i knew it was going to be my last. just thinking about it leaves this funny feeling in me. maybe that the feeling of uncertainty of not knowing for sure if ive been able to make people feel and know how i feel about them.

does my mom know im going to miss her the most if i die?
do my friends know exactly how much they mean to me? have i been able to give back to them all the immaterial things that they have given me?
will papa know in his heart that even if ive been irritable with him, im still his 'baby doll'?

this probably isnt the best time to be in this emotional state, with the heavy (understatement) workload and all, but i just wanted to get my thoughts down and maybe get back to them some other time.