masochistic tendencies

im happy. im still going to complain about work every so often, but i can honestly say im happy. not ecstatic happy. just happy. sige na, ill go on to the why.

i think now i feel more 'in power' (ironic no, given my occupation)... and that make me happy. dati kasi ang bilis ko ma-depress kasi feeling ko palagi ako ipit and nalulugi sa trabaho ko. yun lang talaga nature nung job ko. and that really was a burden for me. ako pa. i like bossing people around. hahaha.

now, although the requirements of the job are the same, if not more demanding, im armed with experience to be able to handle it better. hindi na ako as affected by work. in hind sight, ang freakazoid ko for being that emotional about work. hello. its just work. you can be passionate about it, but still maintain a healthy distance from it. lalo na in my profession. ang dali-dali for one's ego to take a beating. lagi na lang kasalanan mo. and this still happens, pero i dont go home feeling too bad and too stupid.

kahit na my job isnt the best one id like to have, looking at where i am and how i got here, okay na rin... dami kong natutunan, and natututunan pa... dami nang opportunities to show what im capable of.

konting disclaimer lang. im not in love with my job. my friends think i devote my entire life to it (actually halos ganun na nga.. but im working on changing that), but i still keep my eye out for better opportunities. and if meron, why not di ba? i just want to make sure i do good in what i do. and more often than not, whatever free time i have, id rahter spend it resting. kasi lantayutat na talaga ako minsan. hahaha. pa-ikot ikot na ako... parang 'i like my job, i dont like my job...'.

ganun talaga. i like it but i dont too. its a cycle. sometimes im busy, sometimes im not. pinahihirapan ko sarili ko no? hahaha.