a dose of truth

I don't necessarily relate to this right now, but there is a lot of truth for me in this.

Iris' monologue from The Holiday:

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.

Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

steady day

it feels weird to be at the office and yet feel this relaxed. haha. today was a steady day. i think it has something to do with me getting to the office really late --- woke-up late, shuttle left much later; and the calming effect of packing the halloween loot bags for the kids this friday.

haha. no wonder im relaxed! i barely had work to do today...

muntikan na

i missed the glorietta explosion by a few minutes... and with a whole lot of luck.

i went to the mall to run some errands: buy a gift for a couple, have my dress altered and go get lunch.

i got off at glorietta 2 first to have my dress fixed and asked the lady if i could come back for it within the hour after i get the other things out of the way. the next hour or so was spent walking all over glorietta purchasing the gifts. i was almost at g2 when i decided to just get my dress later before i went home or some other day because i was carrying so many things and my feet were starting to hurt already.

so i made a u-turn and headed for g4 passing through the cinema to buy the burger king ive been craving for. i had just gotten to the taxi stand (outside oakwood) and was throwing nasty looks at the people who insist on hailing cabs outside the line when literally wave after wave of running and screaming people poured out of the doors.

i thought it was some marketing stint or something, but realized moments after that something was wrong. i heard one of the people say "may sumabog sa timezone". yun na. i started to shake. i was thinking that i LITERALLY just came from there. then i saw people (quite a number of kids) being carried out to the cabs stuck along the oakwood driveway... most of them wounded and carried by an adult. by this time there was no line for cabs anymore and the lady in front of me had to call my attention to the fact na wala na ngang taxi na dadaan and more importantly, delikado tumayo outside glorietta if it could possibly have been a bomb.

long story short, i eventually got a cab and headed for my client's office so i can deliver the gift i had bought. i still cant explain what i was feeling at that time. i was still shaking and almost crying, but at the same time i felt okay. i think it really hit me when i saw kris. as soon as she asked me if i was okay, i started to cry. as more information spread through the news, it turns out that the timezone referred to by that person was the one near g2. the same one i pas through to get to where i had my dress fixed. grabe. parang natatawa ako na hindi. good thing i didnt claim my dress like i originally planned. or else, i would have ended up in the news too.

ganun pala feeling nun. i think i was staring at the people running out of oakwood like i was watching a movie. and surreal. and even now, that im sitting here at my desk safe and in one piece, i still cant believe i was almost part of that accident.

getting better

my mood has been getting better since monday's "slip". from the super silent me last tuesday, im slowly finding my voice again (and my sense of humor too).

mahirap pala akong ma-bakasyon... throws me off-sync.

sirang plaka

like a bad case of LSS, i cant get you out of my head. it sucks coz normally i can tune you out when im at work. but today, you keep popping up in my head!!! its distracting and destructive. please stop. hahahaha. maybe in a few days all my "systems" will be up and running again and i can go back to my abnormal self.

dangerous grounds... im on very dangerous grounds. well, dangerous for me at least.

instant getaway: baguio

lily and i had planned on walking around manila to take pictures for the friday holiday. but thursday night, we decided not to push through. instead, we found ourselves on a bus headed towards baguio.

Friday, Oct 12
i woke up feeling so lousy and sad that i made a beeline for papa's laptop so i could post some vague and senti post. lily happened to be online and by 1030am, we were getting ready to meet up to leave for baguio. biglaan kung biglaan, but lily and i were raring to go on an adventure.

even when it was raining so hard in makati, had a hard time finding an ATM to withdraw money from, AND going to the wrong bus station, by 130 we were actually on our way! hahaha! 2 bus stops later, and after losing all sensations in my ass, we arrived in baguio past 8pm... with no confirmed accommodations yet. :p

we were lucky we got a room at La Brea (lower session road sa taas ng Yellow Cab and beside ChowKing ---thanks for the reco tita meldy!!!). perfect spot yung place because most of what we needed was just a few steps away. yun nga lang, may gimikan on the second floor... buti na lang di na rinig sa 6th floor. lily and i ended up getting a family room (1,500 good for four)... we had our own queen size beds. haha. ang daming space, but still affordable.

since we weren't able to have any decent breakfast or lunch, as soon as we were able to check in, we looked for a place to eat. vizco's (right beside don henrico's) is good... and oh-so affordable! we bought strawberry shortcake here and it was good too... sayang nga lang di na namin nakunan ng picture. hahaha. naubos agad!


Saturday, Oct 13
may "surprise" sa steps going out. ew. i guess someone had a little too much to drink the night before. hahaha. what a way to start the day. haha.

had breakfast at John Hay then walked to Startbucks then walked around some more for photo ops. haha. pareho kasi kaming di marunong ni lily... needs practice. after John Hay, we went to mines view where we saw this HUGE st bernard. super cute. kahit may bayad, nagpa-picture talaga kami. haha. mapilit kasi ako.

after the photo-ops, we went to SM Baguio to buy me pantulog.. i was in such a hurry, i had forgotten to bring any. sheesh. then we had late lunch at cafe by the ruins. i was a bit disappointed with my pasta but the iced tea and the kalbasa soup were as good as i remember them to be.

then the rain fell... hard. i had left my jacket in our room coz i was feeling hot but i decided to embrace the cold weather and pray it would stop raining soon. when it did slow down to a drizzle, we hied off to the ukay ukay to try our luck. alas, no such luck pala. bought a few stuff lang then headed back to the room to rest before our "late" dinner invite... BUT! we had to take photos of the two rainbows first. haha. we looked funny stopping in the middle of session road, trying to keep our cameras from getting wet from the drizzle, just to take photos of the rainbows like little girls with simple joys.

dinner was simple ang home-y. home cooked meals are always good. especially capped with great coffee and a slice of strawberry shortcake. too bad my night turned tough when i got struck by a BAD case of cramps (mental note: go see a doctor na kasi...). imagine, i was in the middle of the mountains, in the outskirts of baguio, and i was sweating in pain. as in beads of sweat on my forehead. i couldnt take some important calls for work (i was shooting the next day) and lily had to take them for me. eventually, the pain went away... as always.

all in all, the company was good. its always interesting to meet new people. see how other people happily live their lives outside manila. gave me perspective on things...

Sunday, Oct 14
thats today.... time to go home. we had purchased tickets when we arrived last friday night. i have a shoot scheduled later this afternoon and i HAD to make sure i was going to be back in time. took the 7am trip on Victory Liner pa rin despite lacking sleep for the second night in a row. the trip home was fast! we were back in manila by 1pm. haha. so here i am, killing time.. posted photos on my multiply (captions and all)...

taking the trip was a great idea.. i may have come home with a new "problem", but in general it was a great idea pa rin. it feels liberating to do something big and not have plans. good contrast to my regular days where almost everything is planned (even if the plans are almost never follwed naman). im lucky i found a travelling partner in lily... in fact, we already have a list of places to see and things to do in the next years to come. hahahahaha!

next trip: BOHOL

10 days (will update with pics when i get to the office)

the past 10 days have been eventful for me. none of the life-changing events (i got that out of the way before going on leave), but simple and memorable events. i planned to take a week-long leave as soon as i found out mel was coming home. i was well aware we wouldnt be spending all of the week together (im not her only friend, i know. hahaha.) and i actually looked forward to spending some time alone and getting long-overdue personal errands out of the way. so here's the rundown of what ive been up to the past 10 days:

sept 28, friday
i had a meeting at balintawak at 3pm and i KNEW it was going to be tight timing-wise for me to make it to mel and abe's surprise dinner. good thing cy and i made it to dampa ahead of time.

funny thing that night was when mel called me and i wasnt prepared with a fake storyof where i was so i ended up telling her i was having dinner with my family at libis dampa. at that exact moment, this airplane flew right over my head. GREAT. how was i supposed to explain a low flying plane in libis?! hahaha. good thing mel didnt notice kasi the plane flew over where she was too. :p

sept 29, saturday
spent most of my day with joaqui. first to the hospital to make final preps for his minor procedure later in the week. i spent 98% of the time carrying him and by the end of the day i was really hoping ana had brought the stroller with us --- tired arms were an understatement! good thing i got a body treatment and a massage with mel at the spa before heading to pat's bday salubong (greasy hair and all).

cause of delay ako.. i admit. but it was great to see my girls again. as with avery get together with them, we laughed at the boys of our past and present (well, cha's present)... and syempre ang walang kamatayang laglagan. :p pano yan pat, as far as ed is concerned, di ka na uuwi! hehehe.

sept 30, sunday
spent the day at ABS re-taping something for work. my patience got tested again and i was literally on the brink of strangling someone. hahaha. all in a day's work and at least i got to eat my crab salad at gram's!

oct 1, monday
spent my day at the mall. had A LOT to eat for lunch with mel at cafe med and suffered a bad tummy ache until mid afternoon. so i stayed in powerbooks to let the pain subside. i used to stay there for hours on end scanning books and listing down those i intend to buy one at a time. it felt great to be able to do that again but this time, i bought the books that i wanted before leaving the store.

oct 2, tuesday
QT day with mellie. spent it eating and walking round greenbelt and glorietta. oh and we watched 'ive fallen for you'... we were laughing and crying. haha. kakaiba nga naman talaga kasi ang mga hirit ng pinoy. two of our favorite laugh trip lines from the movie:

1. by toni gonzaga's sister: girl, late lang sya. hindi nya responsibilidad ang kinabukasan mo...
2. by kim chiu: bakit ang bisikleta pwede mag-preno, ang celphone na-lolow batt... pero ang puso hindi napipigilan?

i miss hanging out with mel. although ill have to admit i had to adjust to having her around again... so much has happened to both of us in the 8 months she was away. we stay in touch to keep eachouther updated of course, and i still bug her for major decisions, but i guess its still different when you're around each other when things are actually happening. in any case, it didnt take long ot adjust. haha. we were back to our old selves in no time. and it was a great day. :p

oct 3, wednesday
spent the day at asian hospital for joaqui's procedure. poor boy had to fast and was constantly doing his baby sign for milk. wala naman magawa si ninang kasi bawal naman. all went well with his procedure and he was happily watching his baby einstein in his roon in no time. he was his usual happy boy state until it was time to drink his paracetamol...

long story short, when joaqui doesnt like what he's being fed, he vomits. in this case, he went linda blaire on ninang. i was surprised at the amount of liquid in his eensy weensy body!(issa was right to remind me of my purple waterfalls, but thats a different story)

oct 4, thursday
i stayed home. period. hahahaha. i got to spend my day in bed watching tv. saya!!! FINE, i cleaned my room and partially fixed my cabinet.. but i managed to stay in bed for most of the day pa rin. :p

oct 5, friday
adventure day. i planned on personally giving client's gift to maja because i had nothing else planned. poor girl was working on her birthday... as in the WHOLE day. we had to literally bring her birthday to her. i dont think she was able to spend time with her family and non-showbiz friends but she said naman she was happy pa rin for all her blessings. i didnt realize how much personal time was "wasted" by these artistas while waiting for their turn to be shot. as in nakakaloka ang idle time. sayang talaga sa oras. well, bawi na lang daw sa tulog or endless kwentuhan with her fellow artists. i guess by the end of the day i was left feeling that in several ways, i had it good. my job, although still takes up A LOT of my time, still allows me to actually have a life. unlife showbiz life where you're literally at the mercy of other people telling you where to go at whatever time. sheesh. (more kwento about this in another post na lang...)

oct 6, saturday
today, i showed gestures of love for mom...

despite getting less than 6 hours of sleep and still feeling tired from all the standing i did the day before, i was a dutiful daughter and i headed to makati early to meet mom for her MRI at makati med but we made a quick stop at the salcedo market to grab some grub. i thought i was just going to be there for her for when she comes out still groggy (my mom is nerbyosa to the max and salf-declared claustrophobic that she asked her doctor to give her drugs to put her to sleep for the procedure) and make sure she gets around okay. it turns out i ended up being in the room with her during the actual MRI procedure cause she wasnt groggy yet when it was time to go through it.

later that day, mom, tat and i headed to duty free and instead of shopping i was pushing mom on a wheelchair cause she was having her back pains again. i thought we were in for an accident when it was time to go down the spiral ramp to the ground floor. hahahaha. mom was laughing at me the entire time. hay.

oct 7, sunday
spent my last day with my mom while getting a head start on some long-overdue office report(ssssss).

so to sum it up, i had 3 trips to 2 hospitals, 2 and a half mall days, 1 party, 3 days where i shopped, 1 showbiz day, and 2 lazy days. i think i had a great 10 days.

good enough to get a break from the office environment and to 'transition' to my new responsibilities at work. im looking forward to that actually... but thats another post as well (mental note: 3 posts due)

fickle

how many times can someone change her mind? i think since saturday ive changed my mind practically every 3 hours. goes to show i guess that the real reason/s for me to make up my freaking mind is still unclear to me.

i should stop talking about it... simply because i end up eating my words few hours after.

*** im so hating myself right now... make up your mind little girl.

after a long time...

the past three weeks have been spent thinking long and hard and this weekend, i realized im risking analysis-paralysis already. if there is such a thing as thinking too much, then im guilty as charged. haha.

the perfect man

i hate that i love this movie. hahahahaha.

ive read reviews that say it sucks, but i like it.

perfect late night no-brainer.

perfect to take my mind off the serious life decisions ive been thinking of for almost 3 weeks now.

perfect to remind me of concerns i havent been able to come to terms with. leche.

ka-tense!

when past meets present, it gets really tense. hahahahaha. i was totally unprepared for it. but its a fun surprise.

im probably making too much of a big deal of it... it should be nothing. so what di ba? hahaha.

water works and earthquake drills

friday morning started early. i was up at 5am so i could be on my way to makati by 6. i had enough time to fix my hair... so i was at least happy about that. so anyway, made it to our 9am meeting in katipunan in time --- rain and all.

the meeting was long but surprisingly interesting! but what made it even memorable was the earthquake drill scheduled right in the middle of our meeting block. hahahaha! naka-iwas nga ako sa fire drill sa office, but there was no way i was getting out of this one. so we ducked under the tables (which wasnt easy) and had our photos taken for "documentation". then headed out to the parking lot. hahaha.

ayways, it was funny at that time. hahahaha!

a love story

im really not a fan of any of the three main actors of this movie, but i was curious about the story from the first time i saw the trailer one sunday morning. luckily, we were allowed to sponsor the movie... because marya is an endorser of one of my accounts, and i scored tickets to the premiere.

highlights of the night:

1. walking the red carpet... with ena and joan... with matching waiting crowds on the side ready to take celeb photos. apparently, pwede pala dumaan sa gilid to enter the theater like what iya did. MALAY! hahahahaha. nagtataka siguro mga tao kung sino kaming feeling na naglalakad sa red carpet! hahahaha! well, they probably thought entourage kami ni susan roces kasi she came a few steps behind us.

2. the monopoly of SM cinema food. outside food was not allowed inside the cinemas so we had no choice but to buy from their snack bar. HOLDAP! 80 bucks for super konting popcorn... na halos di mo naman malasahan yung butter... and 115 kung "meal" na with a large softdrink. haller. that would have bought me a 2-pc chickenjoy meal! anyways, we were starving so okay na rin.

3. sitting amongst fans. we opted not to sit with the stars in the premiere section... and it was an experience! gusto ko batukan yung mga katabi ko kasi ang daming side comments!!! and their voices were so loud pa. asar talaga. so when i told them to keep it down, ang bastos talaga of them to giggle pa at what i said. its called etiquette you bitches. they almost ruined the movie for me. to think i gave them that seat pa! i was being nice na nga e. hemph. anyways, i still loved the movie... di ako naiyak kasi nga sa dalawang magulo sa tabi ko. but i think it was a good movie. id go see it again.

4. dining amongst stars. iya, joan and i got to go to the cast party afterwards... and stared at aga. hahaha. he looks so much better in person than on tv. gwapo talaga. i was able to talk to him suuper briefly lang when we gave the gift pack to the cast.. i just congratulated him and he looked at me and thanked me with a smile. hay. sabi ko nga kay joan, ano kaya feeling na ganun yung katabi mo matulog every night... di siguro ako makakatulog. hahahaha.

somber

im in a gloomy mood today. must be both the lack of sleep after a very tiring and stressful day yesterday and some slightly bad news here at the office.

sometimes its really hard to do what we accounts people do. the position we're in gives us access to a lot of things related to our brands' activities that there is a lot of responsibility resting on our shoulders. and in the same way, we are able to watch everyone's back... we're the go-to guys (or gals) when shit is about to explode. but the question is, who's got our back? the sad truth is, we're the go-to guy too when things start to get ugly. hahaha. i guess that should make people in accounts who have stayed for so many long decades one of the strongest willed people alive.

anyways, i have tomorrow to look forward to. laguna air should do me good... and views without massive buildings should keep me distracted from the stresses of a career woman's life. tomorrow ill be much better. i just need sleep.

super sunday

a quick trip back to my childhood. i was supposed to do store checks but i figured i needed to store up on energy for the week. ill just fit in the store checks somehow during the week. hahaha. watched the sound of music all of sunday afternoon. funny how it seems different from how i remember it to be when i was younger. i guess its because different things entertain me now that im older. hahahahaha!

i really enjoy sundays. not only because i get to spend 90% of it in bed, but because mom always cooks something special or at least different for us on sundays. lunch today was some fish dish with mango salad with juansoy. dinner was soft tacos... it was supposed to taste greek but since mom used salsa, it ended up being mexican. hehe.

i think today was a great day... even if i woke up feeling a but under the weather, the rest of the day still rocked. sana weekend na ulit!!!

ka-PAU!

friday was a really quick day. had an online over lunch so i barely had 2 hours at the office in the morning. after the online, i decided to just work out of the office since i really was not up to walking down the fire exit from the 26th floor for the building's fire drill.

instant salon day for some officemates and myself. haha. i got really lucky phillipe was abe to literally squeeze me into his fully booked day to cut my hair. yay! just the change i so badly needed! too bad i wasnt able to take photos of the newly styled hair fresh out of the salon. haha.

best part of the day... dinner with pau! i missed this boy so much! but what was great was that it felt as if he never left. we talked about the same things... well updates on the things we always talk about. see you again pau! (and thanks for letting me know... well, sort of. yun na yun! ;p)

wala... bitin nanaman...

not so long ago, i was vaguely referring to a chance i decided to take. kaso, sad news... bitin e. another "not meant to be".

its all good. there is more where that came from. haha.

next please!

randomness to de-clutter my brain

im taking abreak to unload my brain with some of the unnecessary thoughts bobbing in my head.

- been working hard to get my groove back and i think im getting there. :p
- have to buy joaqui's birthday gift this weekend. will likely be busy next week.
- double time on the family trip options so mommy can decide if we're pushing through or not
- get rid of more clothes in my closet
- how come it doesnt rain when im dressed for rain?
- get more quality sleep... enought late night tv. sleepiness slows me down... i lose momentum.
- need to get my hair cut. i wonder if i should cut it short, color it or just let him take over and do whatever he wants to do with my hair? hahaha.
- i realized i got my temper from my mom and my dad's evasive tactics. bad combo.
- i feel like im losing weight, but the numbers dont show it.
- must get my hands on a copy of The Secret

thats the it!

sandali na lang

in a few weeks, "-ber" months na! before we know it, halloween then christmas na.

where did 2007 go?

everybody loves to love you...
but no one can love you the way that i do.

the end (no harry potter spoilers here)

i finished book 7 of harry potter today and i feel a bit sad knowing there wont be a next one. i remember when i first heard of harry potter, i had no idea who or what he/it was. they said it was a book about a young boy wizard but then i thought that it was nonesense for adults to take such a fancy for a children's book. then i got to read book 1... from then on, i was hooked.

i guess i cant say im one of the most avid fans since i do tend to forget what happened int he last book while reading the latest one available... and i seem to just remember bits and pieces of the movies... oh, and it takes effort to enumerate all 7 titles in correct order with certainty... but i was a fan, none the less. when im reading one of its books... or watching the movie, i get so involved. its funny. i think its one of the few things that can actually hold my undivided attention for hours on end! hahahaha. case in point: i was reading parts of book 7 here at the office, and literally i wouldnt realize people were talking to me already! not to mention lumampas ako sa bahay ko while reading it on my phone... hahahaha!

today is a sad day for me because there is no book 8 to look forward to. there are the movies, but theyre not quite the same. what's left is to read all 7 books one after the other! i bet it will be one great read again... things will make sense and i guess a different kind of exciting since i know what the end will be.

it was a great adventure.. thanks harry.

its done

i did it. there's no turning back from here. at least i hope there isnt. ive said what i was supposed to say... and what happens next will probably keep me awake the next few days.

i hope i dont create heart aches for myself from this.

vacation over

i had a great 4 days. i got to be dirt lazy and not care... but i still did. hahahaha. its nice not to have deadlines for a change. i had things i wanted to do, but i think i didnt get around to doing all of them on purpose just to emphasize that the four days was about doing what i want, when i want to.

friday, i got out of bed around lunch (saya!) then spent time with mom getting kikay with matching foot spa and facials. i emptied my coin bank and im happy to announce im now Php4,000.00 closer to saving my first million! haha.

saturday was spent mostly watching heroes... heard mass with mom and my brother too. sunday was heroes day too. grabe, nakaka-addict yung show. i didnt even realize it was 2am already! so i finished episode 1 yesterday... cant wait for the second volume!!!

then there's today. got around to cleaning my room a bit (saved my closet for next weekend). went to see dr rivera with mom too... this wasnt in my to-do list, but since mom was going and my knees have been bothering me.. might as well, right?

so its back to work tomorrow. im neutral about it.. neither looking forward to it but not dreading it.

GASSO anniv tomorrow!!!

after much delay... finally

im sneaking a 2-day leave this week --- friday and monday. yay!

my to-do list while on work break:

1. fix my body clock... ive been having a hard time sleeping at night and an even harder time waking up in the morning. hopefully by tuesday, i can manage to wake up my usual 630am again.

2. go to the dentist

3. clean op my closet... time to make space for more shopping. hahahaha!

4. watch Heroes... i cant wait!!!

red dot on white paper or white paper with a red dot?

people will choose to see things in a way that suits them best or in ways that are second nature to them. thats how people are built. thats how im built. so if people choose to see my flaws... my quirks... my bad habits, i cant blame them. because i do have flaws, quirks and bad habits and i should not have to apologize for them.

i choose to see the better things in this. i choose to see the people who see the good in me. i smile today because of the few who see the bigger me rather than seeing just a small part of me.

"we gossip because its fun. you gossip... i gossip. it just hurts when the gossip turns out to be about you" --- hilary duff

out with the old.. in with the new

i was fixing my clean laundry just a few minutes ago when i realized i was seriously running out of closet space! well, my closet aint that big to begin with cause i really dont have a lot of clothes, but to see it almost overflowing like that means only one thing... time to sort the out and dispose of some of my clothes. stressful. hahaha.

i wonder where all the clothes came from? i rarely go shopping nowadays and yesterday's shopping gig resulted in just 6 items to add to my closet. hmmm... something fishy is going on.

in any case, im a firm believer than for new energies to come into our lives, it is importatnt to regularly toss out the old stuff to make room for the new ones to come pouring in. similarly symbolic to the cutting of my hair. hahaha. (obvious bang i want to move on from certain things... im just itching to get rid of some really negative vibes!)

maybe next weekend ill be able to face the sorting of my clothes... i should remember to buy boxes this week --- throw, give away, sell, keep.

seven-seven-oh seven

tickle me!

spent the day with lily... shopping! hahaha. actually, i shopped, she kept me company. i swear, that girl has the highest EQ. hahaha. then agan, she's off to singapore and bangkok... so she shouldnt really buy stuff here muna.

i was so giddy about it that i was just two bags into my shopping but i was smiling ear to ear already. haha. retail therapy rocks!

next on my expense list is my hair. eeeeee! im excited already. hahaha. i love cutting my hair. its like im physically cutting off the things that have passed. medjo too much of a symbolism for a simple haircut, but i like to think of it that way. haha.

while waiting for my sister, lily and i got to talking about something ive been toying in im head for quite a while now. i think im going to go for it. ill be praying things fall into place as planned or even better than planned. i just needed that extra nudge from lily. fingers crossed!

so between the shopping and the exciting new plan, yesterday was G-R-E-A-T.

of climbing rats, dancing shoes, and more

climbing rats

i was waiting in line for the shuttle when i noticed some movement around 20 meters away... i thought they were kittens playing. to my surprise, they were 4 (or 5 maybe) rats playing outside that house.. PLAYING! they were swinging and jumping around on this shrub's flimsy stems ala tarzan and climbing the house's wall. as in a 7-foot wall... and they were climbing it... as in vertical climb. kinilabutan talaga ako. THERE'S NO ESCAPING THEM! they jump, they climb, they knaw on stuff. *shudder*

anyhow, i was a good distance from their frolicking so i was watching them for a good 5 minutes or so, when i realized.... THEY WERE RUNNUNG ON THE TREE BRANCHES OF THE TREE I WAS STANDING UNDER. i almost freaked out. there were 2 more playing tag on the branches. yuck. buti na lang the van came right at the time i saw and was ready to run all the way to makati.

MENTAL NOTE: bring umbrella next time i line up at banzon.

i want to dance

dancing is my ultimate release and i miss it. i miss the non-verbal expression... the release of energy and emotion... the sweat and the rush of it all. stumbled on thiis on kikay exchange and as i was watching her videos, i felt like i was ready to jump out of my seat and dance too... hahaha. that would have been a sight.



july 5

yesterday was a really tiring day. i spent the whole day cooped up in the 4As seminar at dusit. while i was happy at the thought of not being at the office and being unreachable by naggers, it kinda felt weird to be in the same seat for a whole work day.

i learned a lot during the seminar and im thoroughly thankful they sent me. but when the seminar ended at 530, the rain was pouring hard outside! tough luck for me.. i had to haul my ass to ABS-CBN to take a video-message of maricel soriano for the sales team. traffic and all, i got there. thanks to marj who kept me company and shielded me from her taray kilays.

i was done by 9pm. chumika rin ako ng slight kay marya and bec to remind myself i should be happy im not in showbiz. good thing hindi na umuulan at wala nang traffic sa edsa going back to makati. but my luck seems to be on vacation kasi unusually long ang pila sa shuttle going home! as in umiikot-ikot pa.

long story short, i was home by 11pm but weirdly enough was in a friendly and cheerful mood. pero pagod ang katawan... ng-O.

the ultimate taray

ive had my exposure to marya's taray... matched with mama bec and wyngard's own versions and i think i survived well. even if she totally killed me when she unleashed her taray in the halls of ABS... in front of kris aquino, no less. or when she first tried to assasinate me when she refused to wear the tvc wardrobe on the rated k guesting simply because she's worn it in public before. oh, and that day was extra bad because korina had to join in the "taray fest". pero makapal face ko.. deadma.

ive been surprised by chit ramos' sweetness which is total opposite of her reputation. i love that woman. even if forever nya ako nilalaglag about john prats. hahaha.

today, i meet face to face with the ultimate taray... ms. anabelle rama (im actually unsure if she's the ultimate taray or if lolit solis is... i think she might win it). hahahaha. we've been in touch over the phone the past days to coordinate for today's event but im honestly nervous about meeting her in person. baka sampalin ako for no reason at all! hahahaha.

im trying to focus na lang on meeting the gutierrez twins instead... at least i have something nice to look at. hahahaha.

nervous or not, its time to go! wish me luck!

someone please explain

i end up saying what i want to anyways... its true. even if i bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something, at some point in time... in one way or another, i always manage to say what i want. and im exercising that fact.

i hate playing games. and it seems that because i hate playing games, i tend to attract people who play nothing but games --- some even have the nerve of denying that they are in fact typical guys... typical players. i know there are lessons to be learned from all the shit... because life would not even bother putting me through it if there arent lessons to be learned, but right now, it just irritates the hell out of me. im sick of the games people play. im sick of being played with. im sick of sticking my head out... of holding on to hope that this time it might be different.

if there is a "match" for everyone out there... if the so-called balance in everything in this world does exist, then he's taking too much of his time getting here. why should i even bother?! i know the answer to that one... i bother because im still the sickly hopeless romantic that i naturally am. im just a little bruised and broken right now.

P.S. no cliche responses please. call me cynical.. call me negative, but ill be honest and say hearing cliches make me feel sick these days. they just dont make me feel better anymore.

vins' bright idea

i have no idea what gave him the bright idea to stick his pokemon on himself... but it sure entertained us for quite a while. hahahaha. crazy boy... and look, nauto pa pati ninang nya! hahahaha.

back in the day

looking back at old photos sure has made me feel stupid. i remember thinking i was fat back in college... if i could go back in time, it slap myself. haha. i wasnt fat. i was flat, but not fat. even with the ass and hips.

sigh.

weird dreams

i couldnt remember everthing, but here are some elements from dreams i had last week:

1. i had measles (again)
To dream that you have measles, signifies much worry and anxiety in your life that will interfere with your job or schooling.
To see others with measles in your dream, denotes that the troubling situation and condition of others will give you much worry.

2. i was given several injections
To dream that you are being injected for health reasons, suggests your need for healing behavior/ideas/attitudes. You need to develop yourself on a mental and spiritual level.

To see a syringe in your dream, signifies that you need to inject more enthusiasm, fun, or determination into your life. Consider also the contents of the syringe and how it would effect you.

From a Freudian perspective, the needle and its contents represents the penis and intercourse.

3. spiders
To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad luck.

I think im watching too much grey's anatomy.. but it calms me. so im not stopping. until i finish the season. hahaha. then i can move on to heroes.

(interpretations care of dreammoods.com)

bakit ang bigat?

i used to find such joy in just being here. sure, it was mostly because of the friends i made, but the general feeling of sitting at the table never felt this "heavy".

feeling old at 25

i feel old today. not only do i feel old, i LOOK old too.

we were looking at mac make-up here at the office, when i happened to look at my face in this mirror... and i was alarmed to see wrinkles under my eyes. sadness. not only to i have dark circles there, i have wrinkles too!

makes me think of this line in one of our old stresstabs commercials... mukha pa ba akong 25?!

it will have to wait...

i set my eyes out for a vacation in july. but it seems it will have to wait... for several reasons.

its still early to know for sure, but right now it seems that ill have to wait for another opportunity to go. maybe there's a very pleasant surprise at the end of this all.

what a week: hard labor and bora regrets

HARD LABOR

this week went by so fast, im still in shock. im happy though that i can cross out a bunch of my projects in my to-do list.. but waking up this morning and realizing how much pain im in, wasnt a good way to wake up. haha.

monday, i went to pick up my parents at the airport... im so happy theyre home! although i wont actually get to spend time with them for the next days, knowing they're home leaves a warm feeling.

tuesday, up by 5am to get ready for pick-up at 6am. whole day shoot which ended around 9pm. home by 1030-ish, slept at 2am-ish. (ill post about the shoots some other time...)

wednesday, half asleep for most of it. started with an 830am instant print shoot to which i was late because of damn sucat traffic. i was thinking i could go home after the afternoon print shoot but ended up leaving the office at 9pm... had to release a whole bunch of files pa pala AFTER yet another instant client presentation (snaps to my creatives for the instant boards!).

thursday, running low on energy from the beating my body took the days before. spent the day at the office. my boss got rushed to the hospital though... i hope she and the baby will be okay.

friday, up at 4am (no exag) for 5am pick up. location shoot was tough because it was hot, and we were moving around so much. but i still had fun. finished late. couldnt go to karla's despedida party anymore because i was literally drained. i was out cold almost as soon as my head hit the bed. hahaha.

today, i head to pasig to keep shoti company while the rest of the family is in HK. wawa naman sevi... dont worry, ninang will bring you to disney when you're a little bigger. :p

BORA REGRETS

i havent had much time, energy and focus to do some serious life thinking... and im in search of a good retreat i can go to, so i can have thinking time. miah mentioned there was one this weekend in boracay for a really reasonable cost. i had to decline because i wasnt sure i agreed with the organizing group's views on some points in religion. i didnt want to go and confuse or frustrate myself. and a very minor reason is i wouldnt want to be in boracay and be stuck in a session hall for 3 days... thats torture!

on my way home last night, i gave her a call to ask her about her final plans on it. it turns out, theyre staying at boracay tropics and the sessions are only in the morning and in the evening!!! sayang!!!!!!! i could have gotten a retreat AND a vacation... IN BORACAY. o well... nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

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i really didnt want to write about this, but this morning i realize it might be a good thing to do.

late late last year, i met someone and although the manner by which we met was less than ideal for me, i found myself being open to things. and the next two months was spent talking non-stop and visits before and after work (before his, which was after mine... then after his, which was before mine. hahaha.) things we're going well, actually. we talked about a whole range of things.. from mundane to serious topics and never did i feel uncomfortable with it.

long story short, all that time, i kept telling myself to keep im mind he was just being friendly. but i still cant blame myself if at a time i did think something was there. i mean, i dont think i was being assuming given we just met and yet he can have dinner with me and my mom, and stuff. after a few months (and by few, i mean 2), suddenly wala na. hahaha. just like that. no nothing. weird. if i was confused by the "game" before meeting him, i was REALLY confused.

does it really have to be a game? im sure there's a simpler way of going about this whole relationships thing. i was thinking maybe the game just evolved because people got hurt by other people and the game became a defense mechanism, or a test to weed out possible 'hurt-ers'. if that's the case, then its ironic that even more people are hurt by the game.

personally, i dont get the point of the game. haha. i dont know how to play it. and im not sure if i want to learn to.

what a week ahead...

woke up this morning and realized how fast this week is going to be.

Monday - i have the whole morning to do my stuff because i have a 3pm all the way down south. then its time to pick up my parents at the airport!

Tuesday - whole day shoot. enchanted kingdom, here i come!

Wednesday - shoot again... but only in the afternoon.

Thursday - afternoon contract signing

Friday - whole day shoot (again)

then its weekend again!!!! weeeee!!!

i really, really, REALLY hope it doest rain this week... especially on my shoot days.

who says that eyes are the windows to the soul?!

someone once told me (im not sure if it was mel or pau) that the key to knowing what i really feel or what mood im in, is my hair. gosh, ang babaw ko pala talagang tao! oddly enough, sometimes i find it to be true. its either a good hair day swings me into a good mood or my good mood magically makes my hair look fantastic. hahaha!

when once our kasambahay told me that i look different on weekends. despite the times i barely had a wink's sleep from staying out, i look happier and fresh on weekends. or so she says. on weekdays, mukha daw pasan ko daigdig. my eyebags are darker, deeper and puffier. niiiiiice. i wonder how much truth there is to her observation? am i just naturally happier to be home than at work?

so today, i decided to keep my hair neatly (and painstakingly OC-ish) in a low ponytail with my usual straight diagonal part. my side-swept bangs are behaved, and my ponytail isnt tikwas like it normally would. today is a great hair day. so, if the hair-theory is true, then today should be a great day.

that has yet to be determined. :p

someone give back my happy thoughts

what do you do when you wake up one afternoon and you realize you lost your happy thought? i dont know when, why or how it happened, but i just lost mine. I LOST IT. how can i lose my happy thought?!

if someone sees it, please give it back.

the day i met john

totally caught off guard (understatement).

going about official business at cibo ABS... i shouldnt have underestimated tita chit. i was literally blown away... ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. the next thing i knew, katabi ko na si john prats. AS IN! i could not look at him... hahaha. di ko kinaya. wasnt prepared at all!!!

good thing, little girl had the best idea of insisting i have my picture taken with him... so she got my phone, and was trying to get the camera ready... ano sabi ko? "wag yan, may camera ako sa bag ako..." hahahahahahaha! nagpaka-fan. buti na lang talaga may camera ako lagi sa bag ko. kasi ang pangit ng resolution ng photos sa phone ko.

but it doesnt end there... photo number two.. and what did i say? "five years kong hinintay 'to" bwahahahaha!!!!! ang jologs. hahahaha.

nag-short circuit utak ko. as in i could not think. i never thought that id meet him today. hahaha. and to top it all off... to add to my embarrasing one-liners... when tita chit kept taunting me by asking him to look at me kasi kamukha ko daw si kim (nung payat pa ha... importante yan i-qualify)... ano sabi ko? (to him) "ang kamukha ko sister mo..." Lord Almighty... sukdulan na talaga yun.

it was a really jologs moment... cold hands, cold sweat and all... hahaha. i have to redeem myself. im asking for a second meeting. and this time, im going to be prepared.

i am going to relish this for the next few days... OH HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAY.

quick thought

sometimes people just need a little warmth... a little closeness...

World of Shell V-Power with Ferrari

NBC TENT

10am to 10pm

free entrance

ferrari cars on display

trip to italy, trips to boracay and fuel cards to be given away

tons of activities for everyone

see yah there!

end of an era

we all have fond memories of things, people, and places we grew up with. and last night marked the end of one of my fond highschool memories.

my cousin ana, whom i grew close to through the years, used to be the road manager for the wiseguys (not sure if anyone would be familiar with them). and around second year highschool, she started bringing me to their gigs... and mommy would only allow me to go out if i was with ana. so my gimik life literally was dependent on their gigs. i looked forward to fridays and saturdays when i get to watch them (usually at strumms, chatter box galle, and 8th day) and was sure to have much fun. kaya siguro maaga din ako na-expose sa mga green jokes ng all boy group. hahaha. come to think of it, grad ball date ko was a close friend of one of them. and right after the awarding (as in i didnt join the dancing dancing part), we headed straight to blue lizard along pasay road for their gig. they were part of the secret life i led. hahaha. mom had no idea id drink, and my schoolmates had no idea that the simple little me then had such a night life.

i carried over this habit onto college but i kinda stopped going around senior year (fiddler's green na kasi pinapanuod ko. hehehe) until when i started working.

but i digress... about last night. last night was precisely that... their last night. ana YM-ed me telling me they were disbanding... nakaka-sad. while we were there, i cant help but feel sentimental... my huge HS crush on Jam (na ngayon siguro minor crush na lang... he's still my favorite) how they'd tease me about my hips and ass (well, everyone does, and they still do), etc.

well, thats the end of it. i tried to take in allt he sights and sounds of last night... to add to the memories... memories that started nung nagdadalaga pa lang ako (yuck, ang baduy pakinggan).

ps. its funny they still see me as 'nene'... and even funnier they all say "angel, dalaga ka na..." to which im so tempted to say, "um, kasi 25 years old na ako... lampas na ako sa dlaaga stage." hahaha. unless they're referring to dalaga as in single woman. hahaha.

'tis the time for updates

MAY 5 - a day of finally's

FINALLY got to go to see the iCare cardiologist yesterday morning... and im getting my tests done on wednesday. if all goes well, i have the doctor's thoughts by the 26th of May (my next two weekends are booked). i hope that will put all my worries to an end.

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FINALLY got a haircut. my first for the year. hahaha. i was putting it off so my hair would really have the chance to grow. and i absolutely love how philippe gave me a bit of side-bangs this time. weee!

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FINALLY. this was the catch word for my cousin's wedding. and i got to host it with my other cousin. di kinaya ng kapal ng fez ko. nahiya ako. hahaha. funyn thing pa, i went straight to the reception and almost crashed the wrong reception!!! hahahaha. i still laugh when i think about it. imagine if i ended up hosting the wrong event! :p

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kontra lang... one thing that i havent had finality on is what i want to do with myself. it been keeping me up late at night and restless all day. one thing is for sure. i will have to embrace the process and hope the answers come sooner than later.

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MAY 6 - children's party, spiderman, and beer

andrea's 1st bday party was fun. i sat at the singles table and iya was with the mommy's table.. hehe. sweetie pie martine.

spiderman and a couple of beers with the BF boys at central. thank God for the boys... really appreciate the time out with them since those are pretty much the only times i get to do stuff other than work. :p

my weekend went by so fast. and i woke up with a really bad stomach ache... so ended up going on half day. here's to an equally busy week. at least i have bangkok to look forward to this weekend.

to shop or not to shop?

pounding on the red button

since we got back to work from holy week, things have been no less than hellishly busy. and this morning, im really feeling it take a toll on me. even as i write this, i have to concentrate on breathing and fighting the tremors in my hands. how can anyone be under this much stress on a saturday morning?!

i feel SO overwhelmed and confused with things. its like my system is just overloaded... and i think its mostly because of the fatigue building up. i feel like i lost capability to do anything.... as in di na ako maka-isip. like im at my breaking point and i dont know what to do anymore.

id hate to think that other people in the office may be going through a similar thing... coz thats just not good.

the creatives have been working non-stop (literally). one presentaiton after (often one on top of another)... meeting deadlines just in the nick of time. and there's nothing we can do but just go through the motion and hope we get past this phase.

the accounts, the default "blame me" persons. always feeling guilty that we have to dump so much work on the creatives but really cant do much most of the time. i personally feel like im fighting to stay afloat.

i guess there's nothing more to do than to JUST KEEP SWIMMING. tired or not, i have to keep swimming to survive.. and hopefully the end will have for me a beautiful paradise island where i can rest and be carefree.

hot in the city

its been brutally HOT. im sure everyone in manila will agree. its been so hot that im actually looking forward to being in the office tomorrow to get out of the heat. hahaha.

i guess it wouldnt be as bad if i got to go and enjoy the heat at the beach. was invited to go to galera for mon and ralph's birthday... but i had medical tests schedules over the weekend. BUT! as fate would have it, the iCare cardiologist had an emergency saturday morning and didnt see anyone for consultation. sayang. i had to cancel the tests. I COULD HAVE SPENT THE UBER HOT WEEKEND IN GALERA!!!

o well.. no point in being a brat about it. :p

whats on my menu?

since my fainting spell early thursday morning (april 5), ive been meaning to head to a neurologist for a check-up. so this morning, despite having less than 4 hours of sleep, mom and i went to see a neurologist and a cadriologist.

the neurologist says i need a work up for possible cardiogenic syncope (SING-kuh-pee).

say what?! hahaha. i looked it up and syncope is a medical term for fainting. (sosyal di ba?!) and fainting happens when the brain is not receiving enough blood and oxygen --- thus the temporary loss of consciousness. more specific to his initial findings: cardiogenic syncope is when the fainting is from the abnormal heart rhythms. but the bigger question was what caused me to "syncopate"? (hahaha.) initially he thinks it because i drank a granite with an espresso shot at max brenner at 5pm (an "upper") then a beer at 9pm (a "downer") and that may have caused my heart to skip some beats.. eventually leading to the fainting.

in any case, there isnt a final diagnosis yet.. but they do have to run several tests on me to help figure out the cause and to rule out any of the serious stuff (ie. seizures, heart conditions, etc.)

here's the list of tests i have to have done:
1. ECG
2. complete blood count
3. (some stuff i can read but has something to do with my blood)
4. 2D echo with DS
5. treadmill exercise
6. stress test
7. EEG

grabe. these are the tests done for my parents!!! and im having them done too! hahaha. whats not as funny though is that its SUUUUUPER expensive. parang gusto ko ulit himatayin sa mahal... except this time ill know the exact cause is. :p

but health is wealth.. its ironic that i have to make a huge dent on my savings. ouch ouch ouch. hopefully though the office HMO will approve and shoulder the costs. :D

i have a feeling this is far from over. after the tests have been done, ill know if i have to see any other specialists..

so the adventure continues...

S is for...

sleepless...
sungit...
super eyebags...
pSycho...
STRESSSSSS!



need i say more?

night out with the boys

i havent been out in a long time. my usual gimik would be hanging out at someone's house or at a nearby bar or your short dinner or movie then head home. but last night (or this morning rather) i found myself at the heart of mainstream nightlife.

it was supposed to be a laid back gimik at 310 along aguirre with some neighborhood friends since christian was leaving for denmark... i wasnt able to join them but they picked me up a little past midnight on their way to cuisine at the fort. ive never been there and it was fun.

by past 3am, the boys were ready to call it a night... BUT! i had to eat so we stopped by burger machine here in BF.

some photos with the boys:

what i do best

i sent a random thought to a friend... and i didnt expect to get this reply: go do what you do best.

whoa. good point. the thing is... WHAT IS IT THAT I DO BEST ANYWAY?!

im thankful again...

big load off my shoulders... im so thankful to God things happened they way they did. actually id be more thankul if it didnt happen at all.. but these things happen for a reason.

the worst thing for me to deal with was the disillusion. im not naive. i know these things happen... and several families all over the world have gone through, are going through, and will go through a similar predicament. but one would NEVER think or expect it would happen to them. i never thought it would happen to MY family. but it did. and i was broken by it.

at least now, i can really go and continue mending that part of myself. start to forgive and forget... slowly i understand. for this blessing, i am thankful. i hope this makes you both stronger... makes all of us stronger. i hope this opens doors for things to go back to the happier days. after all, in the end we only have each other.

few people get me

i think i can name just 3 people who i know REALLY get me. like they can finish my sentences and get what i want to say even if i cant construct a decent sentence to express myself. not just that, they GET me... no judgements, they just get me... like i make sense to them. scary, aint it?

and im ever so blessed and thankful to have them. case in point... was chatting with pearl, and i was suprised at how accurate she can be about me:

"you can be so closed about your emotions sometimes... like you dont want to open up.

You are an open person and all that but there are times when you set up walls or seem indifferent about things that actually mean a lot to you.

Like you are careful.... you are more than meets the eye so i do not push when you do not want to talk or say things and i figure you will say or show how you feel when you feel comfortable or want to get it out..

i think it is bec you feel so bad and you cannot control it after... like a huge melon stuck in your throat. or you trying to stand up when there is river that tries to wash you down."

i love it. thank you pearl. you hit the spot.

you know me too well. hahaha. sabagay 25 years of friendship does that. :p

because i said so

i was supposed to have a working saturday... deliver flowers to greenhills, meeting at abs, then head home. somehow, isa-isang nawala yung gagawin ko. the clincher is, i ran out of official things to do, i was in makati na. hahaha.

i was supposed to watch this baduy movie alone... dont ask why. good thing i ran into lily (literally) and we ended up watching 'because i said so'.

good movie... tried not to me extra emotional about it... it was hard since something semi-major happened to my family around lunch. but anyway! i liked the movie.

id watch it again.. maybe with my mom this time.

beer and poker

friday was a fast one... we had our thanksgiving mass at 4pm then a shocking staff meeting after (i still dont know what to feel after the announcements)... but we soon drowned our concerns in beer and lechon cebu.

it was one of those times that beer didnt taste like anything.. it tasted like water actually. i knew id end up drinking more than my usual (which still isnt a lot on normal standards). so i had a couple of beers at the office. it was the usual gasso party.. fun, fun, fun. happy kris got to stay for a while.

at around 9pm, i headed to skyland to meet up with some other friends. i though i was just going to watch them play poker and then head home by midnight... but no. they had other plans. hahahaha! long story short, i got a crash course on poker. half the time i didnt know what i was doing (given i had already a good amount of alcohol in my system.. my standards). but i had fun.

ended up going home at 3am. thanks for the ride and the great conversation... :)

major recap

MAJOR RECAP!!! havent been able to write since SOOOOOO many things have been happening. (im still a bit overwhelmed.. hahaha)

most are good and happy things... but i must warn you the last item just oozes with anger.. i cant help it. f***ing asshole.

feb 22 - advil pitch
happy this went well... and even happier we got the account! whoopeeeee!

feb 24 - pearl
i remember pearl was supposed to come home fo her dad's 60th but i got caught up with stuff going on. so hearing her voice on the phone got me a bit disoriented. haha. i thought she was callign long distance from denmark... then i realized she was calling from her house across the street! so like i used to do years and years ago, i got out of bed and went straight to her house. hahahaha.

happy pearl is home, but sad that tito bo had to pass away today. i guess it should be seen as a blessing that he didnt have to suffer long. tito was the first of papa's barkada to pass away. although my only memories of him were of when i was around 9 and we'd go to hundred islands with them, i will miss him. via con dios tito bo!

feb to mar 10
spent days with pearl.. to make up for the 2 years of not seeing her. the last time she was here, we barely got to spend time together. so we were pretty much inseparable for 2 weeks. just like old times.

ATC with pearl's college friends... johnny, joey, katkat, migs, marie, ermel, and baby hagia
central and havana ktv with the d. tuazon boys...
la luz!!!!

feeling a bid sad she has to leave so soon! but ill see her again and i know we'll have as much fun again. :) i still have tonight to stay up and take thousands of photos with her. hahaha.

feb 28
gave myself the chance to try something new. and it went surprisingly well.. kahit na napigtas sandal ko as i was about to sit down. hahaha! thank God ms J and i have the same shoe size. great conversation... great to be exposed to a different group of people... and i wasnt conscious at all about being jologs or less intelligent! hahaha. will have to beg off poker night tonight... maybe next week. :)

mar 1
things have generally been great for me. but now comes the anger part.

you asshole. its sufficient to say im STILL mad at you. more because napahiya ako and my pride is badly bruised. this is EXACTLY why i dislike opening up to people who show intentions other than being just friends. because it makes me vulnerable. and i was stupid enough to give you a chance... to trust you... and give you the benefit of the doubt. even if my closest friends told me more than once that you were bad news... you're a player...

this is why my pride is hurt real bad. because I let this happen. and you took advantage. what were you thinking?! how can you go to your weekly religious meetings and spend the rest of the week taking advantage of people. HYPOCRITE!!! argh! im still really angry.

you insensitive asshole. how can you have dinner with my family and do what you do? the nerve talaga. i pray you dont get karma for the things you do. because if you do, i will not think twice about laughing. i hope you never meet the girl who will break your heart like you've broken so many girls' hearts.

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i move on.

one of the many things i realize from all of this, the world keeps on turning... regardless if im happy, sad, angry, or lonely... the world will not stop for me. i may feel like sh*t, but i just have to keep going... to keep swimming... :D

agit agit agit...

a lot of things to update... but not now. i just need to unload a bit (as always)...

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do i? i think i do. and im a bit concerned. thats not a good position to be in. not with all the unaswered questions. but ill have to cope with where i am... maybe its the lack of sleep of something. but i just cant get you out of my head... and its driving me insane. how do i work this situation?! HOW?!?!?!

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i appreciate you 'listening'.. i notice the change... i dont regret speaking up about being uncomfortable about some things. and its stupid of me to be looking for it now!!!!! girl cant make up her mind? or maybe we just dont see eye to eye about some things and you didnt get what i was saying. who knows what going on in there... share naman...

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everyone says i should be careful... i have just about had it with tip toe-ing around and playing safe. this is why i hate mind games. i just cant play.