so ive been working mr sweet arse off for quite a while now and while im really happy and proud with all the achievements, im pretty darn tired and worn out.
today though, ive decided to purchase a new toy for myself... hopefully my new iphone 4 will arrive sooner than the 3 weeks estimated. SWEET!
somehow i feel less tired and deflated. :)
ive worked hard and it feels darn great to be able to buy something 'expensive' by my standards.
okay, fine. i got a massive discount by getting it through the office, but still!!!! :p
Friday, August 20
Saturday, August 14
Friday, August 13
in awe of brilliance
its not everyday that you come across people who just exude brilliance, let alone have the chance to work with them. i must say, im one lucky girl who might have a bit of an office crush - by office crush, i DONT mean romantically / physically attracted.
i've always heard people here at the office (and even back in the saigon office) at how amazingly brilliant he is but i never thought i'd still be blown away by it when i had the chance to see it for myself. im out of words other than to say im in awe. i think i can actually just sit and listen to him talk for hours. LOL. dorky me.
if i wanted to be someone when i grew up, id be through the roof to be a girl-version of him.
BRILLIANT!
i've always heard people here at the office (and even back in the saigon office) at how amazingly brilliant he is but i never thought i'd still be blown away by it when i had the chance to see it for myself. im out of words other than to say im in awe. i think i can actually just sit and listen to him talk for hours. LOL. dorky me.
if i wanted to be someone when i grew up, id be through the roof to be a girl-version of him.
BRILLIANT!
Thursday, August 5
a big yellow blur
today literally flew by. spent 98% of it in meetings and i literally only sat at my desk to 'begin my day' at 5pm. TROI OI! i'm a bit worried about tomorrow because of all the things i didn't get to do today has just been carried over to tomorrow - and i have a morning meeting for 2 new briefs. its going to be interesting how the rest of this week will pan out.
on a personal note, had mini-celebrations to commemorate what would have been our 2nd anniversary today. waterworks started 'early' late last night with greetings from jp's sisters - they are amazing people and im really lucky that they've really treated me like family. needless to say i woke up with the puffiest eyes ever. LOL. nothing make-up can't make better.
by mini-celebrations, i mean...
- yellow outfit: yellow shirt underneath a denim tube dress, cute argyle tights, and my ever-reliable charles & keith heels
- bought a new bunch of yellow roses for my desk
- sent flowers to his house. snaps for mom for helping me with that. the original ecuadorian roses got held up at customs so mom made a call on what the arrangement will be. i can't wait for them to send me pics!
- posted my video that i'd put together over the weekend. (i'm still singing Smile in my head!)
its all been a big yellow blur actually. i still can't get over that the day is really done.
i wish i have a sweet visit in my dreams tonight. not sure if i did last night/this morning... its possible that i just don't remember. so maybe i wish for a dream that i'll remember in the morning!
just sharing the video i posted and his sisters' very sweet greetings.
on a personal note, had mini-celebrations to commemorate what would have been our 2nd anniversary today. waterworks started 'early' late last night with greetings from jp's sisters - they are amazing people and im really lucky that they've really treated me like family. needless to say i woke up with the puffiest eyes ever. LOL. nothing make-up can't make better.
by mini-celebrations, i mean...
- yellow outfit: yellow shirt underneath a denim tube dress, cute argyle tights, and my ever-reliable charles & keith heels
- bought a new bunch of yellow roses for my desk
- sent flowers to his house. snaps for mom for helping me with that. the original ecuadorian roses got held up at customs so mom made a call on what the arrangement will be. i can't wait for them to send me pics!
- posted my video that i'd put together over the weekend. (i'm still singing Smile in my head!)
its all been a big yellow blur actually. i still can't get over that the day is really done.
i wish i have a sweet visit in my dreams tonight. not sure if i did last night/this morning... its possible that i just don't remember. so maybe i wish for a dream that i'll remember in the morning!
just sharing the video i posted and his sisters' very sweet greetings.
A lot of times you asked me why i love you. I can think of a long list of reasons why, but my favorite one is simple: YOU MAKE ME SMILE. Happy 2nd 4th of August, JP Manabat! I miss & love you x 2 quantillion... to infinity and beyond. :p (Smile by Uncle Kracker)
Sunday, August 1
i've just about had it
a little less than a year ago, jp was shot dead back home - needless to say, my life has never been the same since and its probably one of the heaviest life challenges i've faced so far.
when i think of the circumstances i've had to deal with this year, no one can say i could have done a better job getting to where i am. on top of losing one of the most important people in my life (as if thats not crippling enough) i've had to fight to keep going forward and deal with a new job, new country, new culture, living entirely on my own, no family or old friends here etc etc etc. i think anyone will agree, thats quite a lot to chew and swallow.
it hasn't been easy - heck, there are still days that are an absolute nightmare. but everyday since that night, i have opened my eyes and, like it or not, have gotten out of bed to get on with my day. a year later its a little easier but no less painful and every day that i manage to do that is an achievement in itself because i could easily just give up on life - and trust me, ive been tempted too many times to do just that.
i know i've come a long way and i'm proud of every small step i'm managed to take because they're all steps i've had to take on my own here. i've been blessed with a handful of people who have been my constant sources of strength, but the reality is that for me to survive, i have only myself to rely on.
a year sounds like a long time, but for a broken heart and a broken soul, a year is just as painful as the first day - but its the small things that have kept me going.
i'm so angry right now. i've kept quiet every time someone tells me i should move on... i shouldn't have photos of him on my wall or on my phone... i should change my relationship status on facebook... i shouldn't celebrate 'monthsaries' etc etc etc. but today, i've just about had it.
i know people care about me and want me to be happy and perhaps thats their way of encouraging me. makes me wonder, do they even have an inkling of whats going on with me... have they even bothered to recently ask me how i'm doing or ask me what's going on in my head and in my heart... because if they knew these things, they would maybe understand and appreciate that IM TRYING SO VERY HARD to keep going on with my life and that i've made such good progress at 'going back to normal'. but no, they see snippets of what its been like - mostly whats on facebook, which i think is really just a bad basis to tell how someone is doing. again, if you really wanted to know how i'm progressing, surely you care enough to call me, or email me at least!
- if smiling photos of jp give me a moment's rest from the pain, surely they're forgivable.
- if keeping my relationship status the way it is will give me comfort that i'm declaring to the world that i will not stop loving him and he lives on in me, surely thats not a crime.
- if having pok with me when i sleep gives me better chances at a good night's rest, then there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
- if celebrating the 4th of every month by wearing yellow helps me feel good about getting out of bed, i don't see how that gets in the way of any one else's day.
all i want to say is, i've had so much to deal with this year and if you just took some time to ask me HOW I AM, maybe you'd see better. i dare you, walk in my shoes for a day and tell me its easy.
when i think of the circumstances i've had to deal with this year, no one can say i could have done a better job getting to where i am. on top of losing one of the most important people in my life (as if thats not crippling enough) i've had to fight to keep going forward and deal with a new job, new country, new culture, living entirely on my own, no family or old friends here etc etc etc. i think anyone will agree, thats quite a lot to chew and swallow.
it hasn't been easy - heck, there are still days that are an absolute nightmare. but everyday since that night, i have opened my eyes and, like it or not, have gotten out of bed to get on with my day. a year later its a little easier but no less painful and every day that i manage to do that is an achievement in itself because i could easily just give up on life - and trust me, ive been tempted too many times to do just that.
i know i've come a long way and i'm proud of every small step i'm managed to take because they're all steps i've had to take on my own here. i've been blessed with a handful of people who have been my constant sources of strength, but the reality is that for me to survive, i have only myself to rely on.
a year sounds like a long time, but for a broken heart and a broken soul, a year is just as painful as the first day - but its the small things that have kept me going.
i'm so angry right now. i've kept quiet every time someone tells me i should move on... i shouldn't have photos of him on my wall or on my phone... i should change my relationship status on facebook... i shouldn't celebrate 'monthsaries' etc etc etc. but today, i've just about had it.
i know people care about me and want me to be happy and perhaps thats their way of encouraging me. makes me wonder, do they even have an inkling of whats going on with me... have they even bothered to recently ask me how i'm doing or ask me what's going on in my head and in my heart... because if they knew these things, they would maybe understand and appreciate that IM TRYING SO VERY HARD to keep going on with my life and that i've made such good progress at 'going back to normal'. but no, they see snippets of what its been like - mostly whats on facebook, which i think is really just a bad basis to tell how someone is doing. again, if you really wanted to know how i'm progressing, surely you care enough to call me, or email me at least!
- if smiling photos of jp give me a moment's rest from the pain, surely they're forgivable.
- if keeping my relationship status the way it is will give me comfort that i'm declaring to the world that i will not stop loving him and he lives on in me, surely thats not a crime.
- if having pok with me when i sleep gives me better chances at a good night's rest, then there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
- if celebrating the 4th of every month by wearing yellow helps me feel good about getting out of bed, i don't see how that gets in the way of any one else's day.
all i want to say is, i've had so much to deal with this year and if you just took some time to ask me HOW I AM, maybe you'd see better. i dare you, walk in my shoes for a day and tell me its easy.
lazy weekend
my weekends can only be one of two things - extremely busy or extremely lazy. i love it.
its so obvious that this week is a lazy one. yesterday felt like it lasted 3 hours because i woke up late. hahaha. i got a bit of grocery shopping done, so thats my productivity quota for the day.
i love weekends!
its so obvious that this week is a lazy one. yesterday felt like it lasted 3 hours because i woke up late. hahaha. i got a bit of grocery shopping done, so thats my productivity quota for the day.
i love weekends!
Saturday, July 31
perspective
all in all i think it was a good week for me. its been tough, but i woke up today feeling proud that i've gone through it and i've proven to myself that i can. ive give this week more than my all and i dont think anyone can say that things didnt get done because ive slacked off - things didnt get done because its jut not humanly possible for me to do them all! :p
i had a catch up with S today and i told her there are two simple things i want to be able to accomplish when it come so work: one, to do a good job... and two, be good at my job. i really believe that people who get to do the things they love for a living are blessed and that not everyone will get to do that. for me, my job doesnt define me anymore and i dont live to work, BUT i still care enough about what i do that i want to be good at it.
i miss waking up knowing im great at what i do and thats what im working towards. :)
i had a catch up with S today and i told her there are two simple things i want to be able to accomplish when it come so work: one, to do a good job... and two, be good at my job. i really believe that people who get to do the things they love for a living are blessed and that not everyone will get to do that. for me, my job doesnt define me anymore and i dont live to work, BUT i still care enough about what i do that i want to be good at it.
i miss waking up knowing im great at what i do and thats what im working towards. :)
Wednesday, July 28
day 3 - draw
i've realised today that my main problem with this week isn't that i don't know what im doing - its just the volume of work that i need to get through. all the stuff that i don't know (yet) i have someone around to help me with that and it's starting to frustrate me that i'm not able to spend more time on those things and learn from the more experienced people helping me with them. OI!
as you know, i've been staying back after office hours to "get ahead" for the next day. i dont mind investing my time this way if it starts to mean that i can spend more time learning new things BUT i don't intend to make a habit out of it. oh no. i've been there, i've done that. no sir.
today though, is a slightly different story. im staying back to get through just the things for today! OI! good thing is nothing is out of control and im not insanely behind on things - im keeping up fairly well considering everything that needs to be done versus just one me.
augh! i cant even finish writing this... too hungry. blech.
thats it. im going home! :p
as you know, i've been staying back after office hours to "get ahead" for the next day. i dont mind investing my time this way if it starts to mean that i can spend more time learning new things BUT i don't intend to make a habit out of it. oh no. i've been there, i've done that. no sir.
today though, is a slightly different story. im staying back to get through just the things for today! OI! good thing is nothing is out of control and im not insanely behind on things - im keeping up fairly well considering everything that needs to be done versus just one me.
augh! i cant even finish writing this... too hungry. blech.
thats it. im going home! :p
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